Narrow Search

  • Show Only

  • Category

  • Narrow by Date

Comment Archives: stories: News & Opinion: Police Dispatch: Last 30 Days

Re: “Police Dispatch

We come from the future, the past, the present, etc...

Check the posted date in the upper right corner of this article against the posted date below this comment.

We do not have the need to steal lottery tickets to win money.

We win the money by simply looking a few days into the future at the winning numbers, then we go back in time to use those numbers before what you mere mortals call the "current" draw date.

All hail us! For we are the TW Time Bandits!

Posted by TW Time Bandits on 02/20/2017 at 11:51 AM

Re: “Police Dispatch

For the first incident -- you can't fix stupid, and for the second... well, pretty much the same thing, although it would be nice if they could suspend people's driver's licenses for road rage incidents.

3 likes, 0 dislikes
Posted by sgsmith on 02/09/2017 at 5:04 PM

Re: “Police Dispatch

Nor could she explain why her cat was in the freezer, her gold fish and bowl were in the dishwasher or why her husband was affixed naked to the bedroom ceiling with duct tape and wearing a crocheted bikini top as a blindfold with mistletoe dangling from his nether regions.

8 likes, 4 dislikes
Posted by sgsmith on 02/02/2017 at 10:44 AM

Re: “Police Dispatch

The former "Evil Grimace" has faded from purple to blue and fallen on hard times and hard drugs. I always suspected fast food as a gateway to heroin use and now we have the proof.

3 likes, 0 dislikes
Posted by sgsmith on 02/02/2017 at 10:35 AM

Re: “Police Dispatch

Oh cr@p! Do you think getting her title wrong will get me into Gitmo? My type don't do well in prison, after all I'm an angry old white man... oh, wait... never mind.

23 likes, 2 dislikes
Posted by sgsmith on 01/26/2017 at 1:40 PM

Re: “Police Dispatch

He is such a great President he's even making storage facilities great again. 96 hours in office and we can already see the great things to come.

Counselor to the President of the United States, is her actual title.

I am woman hear me roar!

5 likes, 20 dislikes
Posted by Tammy Parsone on 01/26/2017 at 12:25 PM

Re: “Police Dispatch

In an related story, two five gallon drums of an off-brand oil- and sucrose-based honey-like substance made in China were found abandoned and concealed in the bushes near the site of the earlier altercation. Neither honey vendor had any comment.

2 likes, 0 dislikes
Posted by sgsmith on 01/26/2017 at 11:27 AM

Re: “Police Dispatch

According to White House spokesperson Kellyanne Conway, the new administration is considering the introduction of "boutique gated residential estates" (formerly known as public storage sites) as a cost-effective "Real American" solution to the shortage of public housing as a result of eight years of neglect by the out-going administration.

24 likes, 3 dislikes
Posted by sgsmith on 01/26/2017 at 11:17 AM

© 2017 Tucson Weekly | 7225 Mona Lisa Rd. Ste. 125, Tucson AZ 85741 | (520) 797-4384 | Powered by Foundation