Police Dispatch

Recipe for Trouble

West Cezanne Circle, Jan. 18, 8:07 p.m.

Two sisters got into quite a food fight after one sister grossed out the other, a Pima County Sheriff's Department report said.

According to a witness, the older sister started an argument by telling her sibling that she had "gotten herpes in the salsa" that the younger girl was eating. She then said she had urinated in the salsa and gotten her "period blood" in it.

As the younger sister was vigorously washing her mouth out with soap, the older girl continued to antagonize her, so the younger girl grabbed a bottle of ketchup and squirted a good deal of its contents into her abuser's eye. The younger sister then covered the elder girl in baby powder. Enraged, the older girl tried to pour a mug of hot chocolate on her sister; after she missed, she threw the mug at the side of her head, where it reportedly met its mark.

The older sister was arrested for domestic violence.

He's Got Balls

East Via Terrenal, Green Valley, Jan. 16, 8:44 p.m.

A shameless public cell-phone user was punished by an aggravated peer, according to a PCSD report.

The victim, a teenage boy, stated that he had been in the park text-messaging people when a heavyset Hispanic girl approached him and told him to turn off his cell phone, because it was annoying. When he refused, he said, she smacked him on the neck with a fly swatter, declaring, "If that phone rings one more time, I'm going to kick you in the balls." Shortly thereafter, his phone rang--and she dealt his testicles a hefty blow.

The girl admitted hitting the boy with a fly swatter, but insisted she hadn't used "the part that was actually used to kill flies." She also admitted kicking him, but said it was only on the inside of his thigh. She wanted "peace and quiet," she explained, but his phone kept beeping.

She was referred to a probation officer.

A Sorry Case

West Dovewood Way, Jan. 15, 4:11 p.m.

A tagger expressed remorse for his crime through the vandalism itself, a PCSD report said.

The victim said he came home to find fresh graffiti written on his garage door in black permanent marker, reading, in large letters: "I'M SORRY." The victim showed the reporting deputy an earlier instance of graffiti, evidently by the same artist; it also read, "I'm sorry," but in much smaller letters.

The homeowner suspected the perpetrator was a juvenile who routinely boarded the school bus at his corner. He could think of no reason for the crime, but worried that he might soon find one of his windows broken or his car vandalized; perhaps the graffiti was a premature declaration of repentance.

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