I generally support government, especially the local kind. I sincerely believe that many people who work in government at least try to do their jobs — most of the time — as best they can.
However, every now and then, my Pollyanna-ish view of the world is severely tested. To wit: A few years ago, before the pandemic, a building was going up on the south side of River Road, a couple hundred yards west of La Cholla. I have to admit that, like just about every other male who grew up doing as Billy Joel once sang, “…ate a lot of late-night drive-in food…,” I was wondering what kind of food place it would be, perchance to satisfy my hunger or, more probably, just tempt the crap out of me.
In that stretch of River from La Canada to Thornydale, there’s already a Whataburger, Burger King, McDonald’s, Taco Bell, Dairy Queen, Panda Express, Subway, Firehouse Subs, Freddy’s, and the Queen Mother of Them All, Popeyes Chicken. (There’s also a Sprouts for those who want to cleanse their palate and then go out and get a different kind of fries.)
After a while, the building took shape and then revealed itself to be a Dunkin’ Donuts. Those who have had the misfortune of having seen me in person would understandably assume that I would be doing cartwheels (the mental kind) at the prospect of a donut place appearing along a route that I take from time to time. But the truth is that I’m not big on doughnuts (I’m mostly a chips and salsa guy) and I have never tasted coffee in my entire life. (It’s true.) So a Dunkin’ Donuts gets a giant shrug from me.
Then, the pandemic hit, and the building just sat there — for weeks and then months and then years. Every now and then I would drive by and see some activity, maybe a pickup truck or two parked nearby with guys doing some wiring or maybe a little work on the building’s exterior.
A few months ago, the signs of activity picked up. They put the “DD” logos up on the wall and lights were on inside and out.
But then came the bad stuff. Many, many weeks ago, traffic barricades went up on River, with the flashing arrow machine squeezing traffic down from two lanes to one. The stuff was done right. For people driving east on River there are signs well in advance, warning people that the right lane will disappear and that all traffic will have to get over into the left lane and stay there until right before La Cholla.
Those aforementioned signs have to be well in advance because River Road should probably be known as River Autobahn. A member of the Pima County Sheriff’s Department told me that that stretch of River Road is one of the worst places for speeding in the entire Tucson metropolitan area. With a posted speed limit of 45 (40 at night), people often drive 60 mph or sometimes much faster in that area.
Then I saw some workers and bulldozers working, apparently digging out a stretch that would become a driveway into the doughnut place’s as-yet unbuilt parking lot. I at first thought, “Well, this is cool. People from New England won’t be forced to drink Starbucks anymore.”
But that was in February and the barricades are still up. Even though I don’t drive it every day, I have seen two serious fender benders, a dangerous case of road rage with two guys out of their cars throwing blows, a car up on the median, and a bunch of those barricades twisted and destroyed (obviously having been struck by horrible drivers). Every single time, there are jackass drivers speeding up in the right-hand lane, driving dangerously fast just so they can squeeze in ahead of one or two cars.
Now that Orange Grove is closed at I-10, there is a ton of new traffic on River as people try to get on the interstate at Ruthrauff. Often times in the morning, traffic is backed up from La Cholla all the way to Shannon. And work on the doughnut place appears to have stopped.
So, I called the county to ask a simple question: When traffic is diverted to help with a private project, is there a time limit for the work to be completed?
It was unbelievable. It was like they were all different versions of Chauncey Gardiner from “Being There,” each one more oblivious and idiotic than the one before. I got transferred and put on hold and told, “Gee, I don’t know.”
Finally, one person told me that there are stipulations in contracts for the work to be done in a certain amount of time. (I personally think it could have been done in less than a week.) But then they told me that there has been a shortage of certain materials and maybe the company is waiting for them to come in.
Well then, I asked, “Why not just take the barricades down and let traffic flow normally and then put them back up when the stuff comes in?”
“Well, that would require…”
What, work?!
Something bad is going to happen there, mark my word. And even I, at my advanced age and weight, wouldn’t want to die for a doughnut.
