How many false and/or misleading items can be squeezed into a radio commercial? According to my (admittedly anecdotal) research, the answer is lots and lots.
I was driving around the other day, listening, as I do, to Angry White People radio. Can you imagine if those were the station’s call letters — KAWP-AM? I googled it and there actually is a KAWP here in Arizona. It’s in Parker, which is one of the hottest places on Earth. There are probably a bunch of angry white people there.
Anyway, this ad comes on for a company that does air conditioning, solar and plumbing. They have a clever company name that lets people know that the owners (a cheerfully upbeat married couple) don’t believe in evolution or science or anything like that and that God created plumbing fixtures.
They started the spot by stating that E. coli was found in Tucson water. Well, that’s technically true, but it was in untreated groundwater from one well that was shut down immediately. There is zero chance that someone could drink E. coli-contaminated water because it is all treated before it is provided for human consumption.
Then, the woman says that it’s OK because there is chlorine in the water that could kill E. coli, anyway. (Chlorine can kill E. coli, but so can ultraviolet light and ozone.) The man jumps in and says, “according to the heart and lung association,” chlorine can lead to heart disease and cancer.
First of all, there is no such thing as the “heart and lung association.” There’s the American Heart Association and the American Lung Association, but the twain do not meet. Then, while there is a link between certain heart problems (arrhythmia, etc.) and chlorine, almost all are linked to the inhalation of chlorine gas (which is nasty), not the drinking of chlorinated water.
As for cancer, there are several websites that pop up when that question is posed, but almost all of the websites are sponsored by companies that make water filtration products. I went to the website of the American Cancer Society, which has a (shockingly long) list of things that can cause cancer, including everything from wood dust to plutonium. Guess what’s not on the list? Chlorine.
Obviously, scare tactics are a staple of advertising, but gee whiz, guys. Why not just take an honest approach? Something like, “If you love Jesus as much as we love Jesus, let us install your next toilet.”
Why do they insist on teaching economics in schools? It’s for the same reason that you had to read “The Great Gatsby.” They had to read that crap when they were young, so now it’s your turn. Oh, to have someone willing to break the cycle.
When driving around Tucson, what are the odds that you will see someone run a red light? The answer is somewhere in the 100% range. It’s horribly dangerous, getting worse, and nobody is doing a thing about it. The Tucson City Council has a combined total of about two-thirds of one testicle, along with the ovarian equivalent thereof. They could do something about it, but they won’t.
There are weeks where I see at least one red-light runner per day. And we’re not talking just missed making it on the yellow drivers. We’re talking people who accelerate and barrel through the intersection a couple seconds into the red.
It has even caused me to change the way I drive. For decades, I would always stop if the light turned yellow before I got into the intersection. Now, I find myself going through the intersection on a yellow for fear that if I were to stop, I’d be plowed into by the jackass 100 feet behind me who is accelerating to run the red light.
It’s the easiest Q&A ever:
Question: Do you know who is opposed to installing red-light cameras?
Answer: People who run red lights.
Why do we rescue hikers who go out in triple-digit weather and then run out of water? No one knows.
There was a tragic story in the newspaper last week about an 87-year-old Tucson woman who was crossing a street on foot — not in a crosswalk — and was struck and killed by a car being driven by an 88-year-old man. That’s really sad, but my question for both people is why?!
You’ve got two people, both of whom were born during The Great Depression and lived through World War II. Heck, they’ve lived through more than one-third of the entire history of the United States. You have to think that they learned stuff along the way. Richard Pryor said, “You don’t get to be old bein’ no fool!”
And yet, you have one octogenarian person jaywalking and another who is way too close to being a century old still behind the wheel. This was certainly preventable.
Chosen to finish fourth in their division, the 2023 Arizona Diamondbacks shocked the baseball world by squeaking into the playoffs, then winning three straight series, each in which they were decided underdogs to make it to the World Series.
They’ve got an exhilarating mix of wily veterans and stunningly good young players, the Rookie of the Year and, almost certainly, the Manager of the Year.
So, the question from now until next April is…How ‘bout them D-backs?
