Police Dispatch

Police Dispatch

A man might’ve gotten away with petty shoplifting some candy had he not randomly shouted that he was guilty of much worse and then treating a cop like a Lyft driver, according to a Pima County Sheriff’s Department report.

Police Dispatch

A man wearing pants on his head purposefully unzipped the ones on his bottom half and nearly exposed himself to a school bus full of kids, according to a Pima County Sheriff’s Department report.

Police Dispatch

When a Walmart employee got in his way of stealing an almost unbelievable amount of Coca-Cola soda pop, a man was willing to defend his brand-name booty with a weapon (well, kind of), stated an Oro Valley Police Department report.

Police Dispatch

Soon after 5 p.m., a young male student was found already super wasted on wine in a University of Arizona library—and was very lucky to escape jail (though he might’ve preferred it to being picked up by his father), according to a UA Police Department report.

Police Dispatch

Some guys in an SUV got away with reeking of weed—and even having a small amount of it in the car—maybe because they didn’t fail to amuse the cops who pulled them over (at least a little), according to an Oro Valley Police Department report.

Police Dispatch

A woman found reeking of weed and passed out behind the wheel of a running car was probably high on more than marijuana, according to a Marana Police Department Report.

Police Dispatch

A University of Arizona student who’d been smoking a lot of weed was, well, basically just too high.

Police Dispatch

After being thrown out of the University Medical Center, a bum-baring woman—apparently psychologically, not physically, afflicted—wanted to be left alone but didn’t want to leave, according to a University of Arizona Police Department report.

Police Dispatch

A man who’d clearly not breakfasted gave new meaning to the term “hangry” when caught stealing an armful of convenience-store junk food by University of Arizona cops, according to a UA Police Department report.

Police Dispatch

A “dude” who’d been hanging out on the couches at the University of Arizona’s Student Union was caught masturbating in a restroom there, according to a UA Police Department report.

Police Dispatch

A man was so tired of a skinny, parking-lot-squatting, Jesus-loving methhead roaming his apartment complex that he offered his home up for an all-out undercover surveillance operation, according to a Pima County Sheriff’s Department report.

Police Dispatch

A northside man “accidentally” stole a motorized shopping cart from a Walmart store and rode it down a busy street to make a predawn McDonald’s coffee run, according to a Marana Police Department report.

Police Dispatch

A man wearing pants with a big hole “down there” may or may not have exposed himself to a woman in what may or may not have been a purposeful act, a University of Arizona Police Department report stated.

Police Dispatch

In a kind of modern David-versus-Goliath tale, a small young woman thrust herself past a couple of large guards to successfully shoplift one tiny item from a Foothills-area big-box store.

Police Dispatch

A woman’s neighbor subjected her to a kind of reverse-peeping-Tom situation, sneaking around her house and trying to make her look at him through her windows.

Police Dispatch: Older but Bolder

A (much) older-than-average University of Arizona student escaped punishment after reports of him masturbating in his car while watching convenience-store patrons.

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