Cover Story
Following Their Footsteps
Everyone in our group of 52 people wakes up at 3 a.m. It’s Thursday, May 30, and we are at a campsite on the northern edge of the Buenos Aires National Wildlife Refuge, approximately 25 miles from the international border and 40 miles southwest of Tucson. The group is used to getting up early, but…
10 Questions You Need to Ask TUSD Super Finalist H.T. Sanchez at Tonight’s Q&A Forum
The Tucson Unified School District voted 3-2 Monday to select Heliodoro Torres Sanchez as the sole finalist for the position of superintendent. Michael Hicks and Mark Stegeman opposed having only one finalist to chose from. The district is hosting a forum from 7 to 9 p.m. tonight at Catalina Magnet High School with Sanchez so…
Antenori on Special Session: “The Base Is Furious. This Is Awesome!”
RT @azfrag @exjon They are not RINO’s they are slime and out of the slime emerges the new Socialist Caucus in Arizona. #azright #azgop— Frank Antenori (@FrankAntenori) June 12, 2013 Update from the special session at the Arizona Legislature: Lawmakers from both parties are putting together amendments on the state budget plan and Medicaid expansion…
Buzzfeed Report: Flake Apologizes for Son’s Racist and Anti-Gay Tweets
BuzzFeed Politics BuzzFeed gets a scoop on racist and anti-gay tweets from the teenaged son of Arizona Sen. Jeff Flake: Sen. Jeff Flake’s high school-aged son Tanner used twitter to threaten the “faggot” who stole his bike that he “will find you, and … will beat the crap out of you,” joked about an acquaintance…
Tango for Sex and Social Justice
Argentine tango, its apparent world domination and what it all means is the topic of tonight’s UA Confluencenter event from 5:30 to 7 p.m., at Playground Bar and Lounge, 278 E. Congress. Dr. Melissa Fitch illustrates a world tour of Tango, and how it has influenced different cultures, in “Global Tangos: Adventures in the Transnational…
AZ Congressman Trent Franks: “The Incidence of Rape Resulting in Pregnancy Are Very Low”
Arizona Congressman Trent Franks, who is pushing legislation to ban abortions after 20 weeks across the country, downplayed concerns about pregnancies resulting from rape today. The Washington Post reports: Another Republican congressman ventured into the realm of rape and pregnancy Wednesday, saying at a committee hearing that incidences of pregnancy from rape are “very low.”…
Clown Time Is Over: Brewer Calls Special Session To Finish Budget, Medicaid Expansion
It appears that Gov. Jan Brewer has finally lost her patience with the slow movement of the state budget and her proposed Medicaid expansion, which passed the Senate in mid-May but had stalled in the House of Representatives as House Speaker Andy Tobin attempted to work out some kind of alternative plan, such as sending…
An Evocative Story for the Romantics and Historians
Whether you’re a hopeless romantic or a history buff, “Finding Frances…Love Letters from a Flight Lieutenant” by Catherine Harris, is sure to spark your interest. Known as “English Cathy” to most, Harris described her first book as a “labor of love,” inspired by her Uncle, Eric Hutchin, a flight lieutenant, who fell in love with…
Raul Grijalva Discusses the Conservative Amendment to the Immigration Reform Act on MSNBC
Earlier today, Rep. Raul Grijalva spoke with MSNBC regarding the Border Security, Economic Opportunit, and Immigration Modernization Act of 2013, which is set to deal with immigration and border security issues. Senate Republicans are currently trying to add an amendment to the bill which would increase the focus on border security. Grijalva’s opinion? He doesn’t…
Greg Byrne, Please Don’t Let This Happen
Count me among the Arizona football followers who are on board with most of the uniform changes to come down the pike of late, most notably the copper helmets and red jerseys. Let me reiterate: most of the changes. But if the freakish A-logo-infused helmet face masks that are circulating the interwebs become an actual…
The Nuns On The Bus Are In Tucson Today
Today at 6 p.m. NETWORK’s Nuns on the Bus will be in Tucson along with the Office of Congressman Raúl Grijalva for an event focused on immigration reform. This will be at the Pascua Yaqui Nation, Albert D. Garcia Justice Center, 7777 S. Camino Huivisim, Bldg C, West on Valencia Rd to Yaqui Nation, south…
An Insane Person Created an 80,000 Volt Thor Hammer
Presenting your latest dose of “The Internet is Weird”: using a tesla coil, foam, leather and a whole bunch of crazy, a man created a replica of Thor’s hammer that generates 80,000 volts of electricity. While it’s fun watching that man go all Uncle Fester with light bulbs, I have to wonder what the possible…
Hip-Hop Nerds, the Beastie Boys/Beatles Mash-Up Is Something You Absolutely Need to Hear
DJ BC is yet another one of those guys out there who’s becoming famous for his abilities in smashing together two relatively disparate songs and coming up with something wonderful — not unlike Danger Mouse (the man behind the Jay-Z/Beatles mashup, The Grey Album, Gnarls Barkley and Broken Bells), actually. BC, however, has been sticking…
Recent Proposal To Remove Protection For Wolves A Bad Move
The Obama Administration has recently announced a proposal to lift most federal protections for gray wolves across the lower 48 states. An article from ABC by the Associated Press reads: “State and federal agencies have spent more than $117 million restoring the predators since they were added to the endangered species list in 1974. Today…
Coke Bottles Made Of Ice the Perfect Solution to Your Thirst-Quenching Needs
I’m more of a Pepsi fan myself, but I’m willing to put aside my love of the blue can for this: Why yes, that is a bottle made of ice. Unfortunately, it appears that was a one-off for folks down in Colombia, but that doesn’t mean we can’t dream of one day having our own…
TUSD Announces Superintendent Finalist
On Saturday, the Tucson Unified School District governing board met to go over 10 potential candidates for the district’s superintendent position. During tonight’s special meeting, the board announced a finalist was selected — H.T. Sanchez, who currently works as interim superintendent at Ector County Independent School District in Odessa, Texas. According to a district press…
In Case You Missed It, Google Made This Spectacular Animation in Honor of Maurice Sendak’s 85th Birthday
I can’t claim to be a huge fan of beloved writer Maurice Sendak (I seem to have made the leap from Little Golden Books and Ferdinand the Bull to newspapers and magazines as a kid, without much time for his work), but I can’t deny that he’s made a huge impact on the lives of…
Weird ‘Animal Fighting Championships’ Video Not Actually About Animals Fighting
Despite the title, this video isn’t actually about animals fighting — it’s more about glitter and that dry, paint-dust stuff that people throw at color runs, and people “throwing down” (read: in choreographed fights) while wearing silly, fuzzy jumpsuits with hoods. This weird video, produced by the folks at Nerdist, features the somewhat-catchy tune “The…
Kickstart a Portable Planetarium
If you went to Phoenix Comicon, you might already be familiar with Lauren Ard— or, as she hopes to be known around town, the planetarium lady. Ard is a former middle school science teacher who wanted to bring the night sky into her classroom. Field trips were too expensive for the school and the students,…
For Your Document Viewing Pleasure: TUSD Deseg Budget Filings, Responses
In this week’s issue, we promised to post the current filings before US District Court Judge David Bury from Tucson Unified School District on the deseg budget, as well as responses from the Mendoza and Fisher plaintiffs representing Mexican-American and African-American students, as well as the US Department of Justice. TUSD deseg budget filing: TUSD_s_Notice_of_Adoption_of_Deseg_Budget.pdf…
Some Vet Says that Medical Marijuana Is OK For Pets
If you’re one of the folks who is behind our continued employment of medical marijuana guy J.M. Smith (i.e., you’re not one of the folks Tom Danehy talks to on the regular), this should be relevant to your interests: a veterinarian thinks is OK for you to get your pet high — for medicinal purposes…
There’s Gonna be an Anna Nicole Smith Movie, and Yeah, it’s on Lifetime
Oh, lord, here’s the trailer for the Lifetime Original Movie about Anna Nicole Smith’s life. I guess it’s a perfect match, but seriously, Daniel Day Lewis is in this? (Correction: No, dammit, he is not. But hey, Cary Elwes of The Princess Bride is! We assume he lost a wager and had to choose between…
Music at the Red Garter? It’s a 99 Percent Perspiration Thing
When I learned the Austin, TX band Shurman would play a half block from my house in a bar that never has music, it seemed providential. Like cosmic UPS delivery. I almost expected a comet over the Red Garter, or roses raising its foundation. Humble but mighty, the restaurant and bar has a main room…
The ‘Star’ Tries to Control Its Comment Section; Comment Section Nutjobs Get Mad
While for a while it seemed really fashionable for Star writers to badmouth the comment section on their own website (by my recollection, Tim Steller called it a “cesspool” when Mark Evans hosted the Buckmaster Show a few weeks ago), today Senior Editor Debbie Kornmiller announced that the site would go to exclusive Facebook-based commenting…
Music at the Red Garter? It’s a 99 Percent Perspiration Thing
When I learned the Austin, TX band Shurman would play a half block from my house in a bar that never has music, it seemed providential. Like cosmic UPS delivery. I almost expected a comet over the Red Garter, or roses raising its foundation. Humble but mighty, the restaurant and bar has a main room…
Militant Baker Launches Indiegogo Campaign for Body Acceptance Conference
We’ve been pretty open about our love for The Militant Baker. Last time we talked with her, her world was taking off, you know, before the Today Show. Back then she shared her dream of organizing a body acceptance conference on the UA campus in 2014. Well, it looks like Ms. Baker is getting closer…
Creating Cool Nighttime Color in Your Desert Potted Garden
Marylee, Potted Desert Gardener White Potted Summer Garden Dark colored flowers disappear with the onset of dusk, while white flowering plants still shine. There are many plants that are geared to the night -blooming exclusively at night, releasing their fragrance into the twilight. When creating a night garden, consider what part of your garden would…
AZ Illustrated Politics: Immigration Reform, NSA Snooping, Medicaid Expansion & More
On this week’s AZ Illustrated Politics: GOP strategist Sam Stone and Pima County Democratic Party Chairman Don Jorgensen join host Jim Nintzel to talk about the upcoming Senate hearings on the Gang of Eight’s immigration-reform plan; the scrambled politics of the NSA snooping revelations; the upcoming battle over Medicaid expansion in the Arizona House of…
Four Years, More Than 1,300 Children Detained in Adult Facilities
A young child and his mother wait in a US border detention center before being returned to their home country. Mother Jones/Bill Gentile/Zuma Yesterday’s article in Mother Jones on the numbers of children detained with adults apprehended by Border Patrol has made its way through the internets, really only justifying border activists’ concerns over the…
Your Handy Guide to the 2013 Senate Immigration Bill
If you’re human — Republican, Democrat, tea bagger or Independent — you need help when it comes to understanding the extensive and massive 2013 Senate Immigration Bill. The good folks you may love or hate at the Immigration Policy Center recently released an online guide to the bill, and wow, it really is easy-to-understand. At…
Wait, We’re Still Giving Jonah Lehrer Money to Write Things?
You might not remember Jonah Lehrer. After all, it’s only been ten months or so since he was publicly discredited for recycling his own material, making up quotes and plagarizing others in the midst of a burst of fame as the young, smart guy who creates a strawman declaring that people think one way, when…
Neko Case Has a New Album Coming Out or Whatever
I understand that there are people who enjoy the music of Neko Case, even if I’m still holding a deep, mildly irrational grudge against her more than three years after her “social vampires” rant in the New York Times Magazine, so here’s a teaser for her new album, the ungainly titled The Worse Things Get,…
James T. Harris’s Followers Have An Unsettling Obsession With Racism
If you read this week’s Editor’s Note or Dan Gibson’s blog post yesterday, you might have noticed that there appears to be a slight, uh, “disagreement” between local conservative talk show host James T. Harris and the editor of Tucson Weekly, a conclusion to which Harris is trying to duck like Floyd Mayweather did Manny…
Here’s a Strange 80’s Music Video for Your Enjoyment
It’s Friday, so what better way to celebrate than with the music of Montreal-based husband and wife synth-dance act Lime’s “Babe We’re Gonna Love Tonight”? A selection from the band’s fascinating Wikipedia entry: Lime was a synthpop group from Montréal, Canada, during the 1980s. The group was composed of husband and wife Denis and Denyse…
‘La Industria’ Debuts Online Tonight at 9
LuisCarlos Davis’ first documentary, 369 Miles: Living the Border, was a well-received documentary that Davis put a lot of his heart into as someone who grew up on both sides of the border. Tonight at 9 p.m. you can see Davis’ next work, La Industria, which makes its online debut on his production company’s YouTube…
Former PCC Interim Chancellor Calls It Quits
Suzanne Miles, a Pima Community College administrator who took the reins as interim chancellor from Chancellor Roy Flores for 14 months during the college’s most difficult period, announced her retirement via press release last night. In March, during the Higher Learning Commission investigation that led to the college’s current probation, Miles stepped down from her…
Grijalva: NSA Phone-Record Grab “A Serious Breach of Faith Between the Federal Government and the American People”
Congressman Raul Grijalva isn’t happy with the disclosure that the National Security Agency has been sweeping telephone metadata—or records of who calls whom, in plain English. Press release from Grijalva’s office today: Rep. Raúl M. Grijalva today called the National Security Agency’s overreaching domestic surveillance programs “a serious breach of faith between the federal government…
Here’s a Documentary About a Remake of the Opening Credits of “Hart to Hart”
For some reason, Adam Scott, funny person from Party Down, Step Brothers and, currently, Parks and Recreation, has been making fifteen minute long faux-documentaries about remaking credit sequences from 80’s television shows lately for the cable-channel-within-a-channel Adult Swim. Last time, it was a remarkable shot-by-shot re-creation of the theme to the Gerald McRaney vehicle Simon…
You Can Go See Lumberjacks Chop Stuff This Weekend
DLW TIMBERWORKS LUMBERJACK SHOW from Capitol International Production on Vimeo. The Lodge Sasquatch Kitchen is hosting an interesting event Saturday and Sunday from 11 am to 6 pm, benefiting Jared Allen’s Home for Wounded Warriors. DLW Timberworks is bringing a lumberjack show to the Lodge’s Foothills Mall parking lot. You might have seen these sort…
Possibly the Best Part of This Week’s ‘Weekly’
Sure, there’s a lot of great stuff in this week’s issue, including what I think is a great cover story by Todd Miller, but probably my favorite item is a small ad in the classified, placed by Congress’ legendary bartender, Tiger, following his 80th birthday celebration. The text, in case the image above isn’t working…
James T. Harris, Let’s Talk About Your Feelings On Air
I’m really on a roll here with online feuds lately, strangely with two near-polar opposites ideologically … first with the fine people of the anti-Monsanto movement, now with local afternoon talk show host, James T. Harris. Here’s the chronology as I see it: 1. On his blog, James T. Harris included the Weekly as conspirators…
Finally, We Announce the Winner of the Tucson Weekly Celebrity Showdown
Hey, remember our March Madness-esque Tucson Weekly Celebrity Showdown, in which we pitted various members of the Tucson community against each other in what amounted to be a silly popularity contest? Well, the finals came down to the Old Pueblo’s very own celebrity chef, Janos Wilder against Tucson’s symbol of hope and resilience, Gabrielle Giffords.…
Taking the Felony Penalty Away From Prostitution
Plenty of local folks will tell you there are many and better ways to approach the sex work industry and sex workers. There are advocates who want to start by making prostitution legal, while others say the best approach is to stop criminalizing prostitutes and figure out ways to steer men and women from prostitution.…
Jon Lovett: “One of the Greatest Threats We Face, Simply Put, Is Bullshit”
President Barack Obama and Hillary Clinton speech writer Jon Lovett’s commencement speech at Pitzer College last month blew me away. I couldn’t agree more with this sentiment: One of the greatest threats we face, simply put, is bullshit. We are drowning in it. We are drowning in partisan rhetoric that is just true enough not…
Artists in the Spotlight
Each year the Tucson Pima Arts Council hosts the Lumies in an attempt to honor local artists of all kinds, but more importantly to bring the many kinds of art Tucson has to offer into focus. “I think people don’t realize how rich the local arts are,” Emily Düwel, the organization’s communications manager, said. “It’s…
Noshing Around
Sentinel Peak reaches their Kickstarter goal … Edible Baja Arizona nears publication … and more!
City Week
March Into the Past Take a Step into 1846 Tucson History 11 a.m. to 3 p.m., Saturday, June 8 Fort Lowell Museum 2900 N. Craycroft Road 885-3832; arizonahistoricalsociety.org Step back into the past and march with the Mormon Battalion this Saturday. It will be your chance to experience what happened as the Mormon Battalion infantry…
Two Men and a Tape Machine
Don’t call Cincinnati’s Bad Veins a duo. Though singer-songwriter-keyboardist-guitarist Benjamin Davis and drummer Jake Bonta make up the living, breathing part of the indie-pop band, Bad Veins wouldn’t be complete without Irene, the vintage reel-to-reel tape player that supplies backing tracks. “She’s very huge in Bad Veins,” says Bonta. “She brings an aesthetic that I…
T Q&A
Rae Strozzo, transgender visual artist, photographer, writer and educator, is showcasing his latest collection of work in a gallery showing at Fluxx Productions from June 3 to June 29. The show focuses on the recent loss of his dad through a series of cell phone photos and a video piece taken in Georgia. On June…
Mandolin Master
David Grisman Bluegrass Experience in concert 7:30 p.m., Saturday, June 8 Fox Tucson Theatre 17 W. Congress St. Tickets cost $25 to $55 547-3040; foxtucsontheater.org From Old and in the Way to NPR’s Car Talk, from the Grateful Dead’s American Beauty to his collaborations with mandolinist-clarinetist Andy Statman, David Grisman and his mandolin have seemed…
In the Golden Grass
Desert Grasslands 10 a.m. to 5 p.m., Wednesday through Sunday, with extended hours until 8 p.m. Thursday, through Sunday, July 7 Tucson Museum of Art 140 N. Main Ave. $10 adults; $8 age 65 and up; $5 students with ID; free to members, children 18 and younger, military and veterans. Free to all first Sunday…
Soundbites
Alice Cooper and Marilyn Manson bring their shock-rock acts to AVA … Brother Dege makes his way to Tucson … the Geto Boys play the Rialto … and more!
Top Ten in Music
1. Boogie Nazis No Coast 2. ACxDC//Magnum Force//Sex Prisoner 10″ split 3. Various Artists Wake Up Dead (Featuring Sex Prisoner and The Repos) 4. Various Artists Dune Drift (Topaz Tundra compilation) 5. Os Mutantes Os Mutantes 6. Birthday Party Welcome to the Car Smash 7. NOFX Longest Line 8. Propagandhi Today’s Empires, Tomorrow’s Ashes 9.…
Summer Pageturners
Newspaper people are capable of debating almost anything to death, and one great topic of debate around these parts has been this: Do people still read fiction? I can’t speak for all people, but the folks I run with still read fiction with great zeal. My BFF, for example, spent one recent summer reading what…
Live
I’m deeply infatuated with the music of Black Rebel Motorcycle Club. Their live performances showcase the essence of a great rock ‘n’ roll show to such a ridiculous degree, I have felt the need to see them nine times—all over the western U.S.—in the past decade. I’m not alone. See them once, and you’ll be…
Editor’s Note
• We’re in the midst of working on a redesign of the print version of the Tucson Weekly this week, which is not just an excuse for me to read magazines at home and pretend that its research, but also a time to think about how we can keep the elements of the paper that…
Nine Questions
Originally from Southern California, Julio Pena has called Tucson home for six years. Host of “Hex Enduction Hours” on 91.3 FM KXCI, Best of Tucson® staff pick in 2012 and three hours of the best punk, post-punk, and noise-rock from the US/UK and beyond, every Thursday night/Friday a.m. from midnight to 3 a.m. Pena is…
Danehy
OK, I realize that the Weekly has a Sports Guy and a Weed Guy, but, without infringing too much on their respective domains, there are just a couple things I have to mention. Before I get started, I have to note a shift in the wind out in the world. For years, the biggest and…
Top Ten in Books
1. Oh, The Places You’ll Go! Dr. Seuss ($17.99) 2. Poems to Learn by Heart Caroline Kennedy ($19.99) 3. The Great Gatsby F. Scott Fitzgerald ($15) 4. Let’s Explore Diabetes With Owls David Sedaris ($21.60, sale) 5. Inferno Dan Brown ($29.95) 6. Clockwork Angel Cassandra Clare ($12.99) 7. The Schwa Was Here Neal Schusterman ($6.99)…
Sun Bones: Sentinel Peak (Self-Released)
This remarkable local band—formerly known as Boreas—was voted best up-and-coming artist in last year’s Tucson Area Music Awards (aka the TAMMIES), and this new full-length CD delivers on that promise. Sun Bones have the uncanny ability to play in many different styles, as is evidenced in their frantic in-concert performances. This CD comes pretty darn…
Serraglio
To adapt a well-known saying, “Cook for a man, and you feed him for a day. Teach him to cook, and he can feed himself for a lifetime.” Or, to parse it to modern Tucson terms, “Primavera Cooks!” That’s right, it’s time for the Primavera Foundation’s 12th annual summer dining event, which plays out at…
A Challenge to Survive
Will Smith plays Royal King Douche of All Douchebags in director M. Night Shyamalan’s latest travesty, the unwatchable, intolerable, totally stink-able After Earth. Conceived by Smith (he gets a story credit) as a project for himself and his son Jaden (they were cute together in The Pursuit of Happyness), the Smiths are cast as a…
The National: Trouble Will Find Me (4AD)
“I was a white girl in a crowd of white girls in a park,” Matt Berninger bellows near the end of the lovely “Pink Rabbits,” a song that seems to tumble out from its lugubrious, wobbly piano melody. The lyric serves as a litmus test. If you appreciate Berninger’s ability to sincerely peddle such winking…
Signature Effort
The latest wrinkle in the effort to stop Gov. Jan Brewer from expanding Arizona’s Medicaid program is a proposed referendum that would put the program on hold until voters had a chance to approve it in November 2014. Former state lawmaker Frank Antenori has announced plans to lead the referendum effort along with fellow hard-right…
Eleanor Friedberger: Personal Record (Merge)
Eleanor Friedberger’s solo debut, Last Summer, came out two summers ago. It was a ruminative 90 minutes of pop songwriting filtered through a lens of prog-funk that took a few listens to warm up to. By comparison, Personal Record sounds almost like radio-pop. It’s downright jaunty, as if Friedberger were scoring her own dance-party episode…
Truth and Consequences
They are the mystery ships of our borderland highways, embarked upon covert voyages across a barren and treacherous desert. Only in distant ports do they finally alight, these enormous buses with their darkly tinted windows, and their human cargo slated for return to Mexico. According to the federal government, such passages have a purpose: Each…
Window Dressing
Even without the context, most of us can recognize Jackie Kennedy’s pink pillbox hat and where she was when we saw it. The matching suit that accompanied it is locked in government storage for another 90 years, but the hat has been missing since Dallas, 1963. What fewer people know (or remember, at any rate),…
Judgment Matters
There’s been no word from U.S. District Judge David C. Bury on TUSD’s desegregation budget that was filed May 8 in federal court, followed by hundreds of pages filed in response from the plaintiffs representing Latino and African-American students as well as from the U.S. Department of Justice. When Tucson Unified School District governing board…
Top Ten in Cinema
1. Cloud Atlas 2. Side Effects 3. Jack Reacher 4. Stand Up Guys 5. The Last Stand 6. Beautiful Creatures 7. Mama 8. Safe Haven 9. True Blood: Season 5, disk 1 10. Dark Skies
Media Watch
This week, we look at what it takes for independent radio to survive in Tucson.
True TV
You Should Watch It Burn Notice, Graceland Thursday, June 6 (USA) Season Premiere, Series Debut: Since they’ve now blown up everything in Miami and costar Gabrielle Anwar is desperate to taste carbs again, Season 7 will be the last for Burn Notice—yeah, I thought it would go on forever, too. At the end of last…
The Skinny
Regina Romero pulls her support for the Grand Canyon University/El Rio deal … We learn that Cap’n Al Melvin doesn’t speak for the trees … we look into the now-locked-in Tucson City Council races … and more!
Truck Stop Treat
Omar’s Hi-Way Chef 5451 E. Benson Highway 574-0961 Open 24 hours Pluses: Giant portions, including the desserts; surprisingly good breakfasts Minuses: Skipable soup; almost a truck stop diner cliché Omar’s Hi-Way Chef is almost too real to be real. If you were making a movie about a diner and wanted to shoot on location, you…
Pedersen On Sports
The mythical ice that blankets the Santa Cruz River each Tucson “winter” cracked and broke free just after noon last Saturday, marking the official start to a storied pastime for many locals: bitching and moaning about how fricking hot it is, in a place they chose to live despite knowing how freaking hot it is.…
Police Dispatch
Three drunk guys don’t care if a cop fought for their freedom … and taking car vandalism to new, uh, “heights.”
Bar Fight
Two lawyers walk into a bar. Then the lawsuits start flying, and nobody gets to have any fun drinking, because the lawyers are throwing briefs around like bar stools and screaming at the judge to throw that motherfucker out of here, because he’s drunk and he’s spilling drinks all over everyone. So the drunk motherfucker…
