— Heavy rains have battered the central portion of town, whereas the southside has received jack squat. And there’s a flash-flood warning out, so don’t be ‘illin in washes, yo.
— A bird somehow got in the door and is flitting around the Weekly World Central offices.
— Michael Jackson is reportedly shocked by gay porn. (You can make your own joke here.)
— The next time you’re at a baseball game, be aware of a fondling frog.
This article appears in Jul 6-12, 2006.