This past Saturday night my wife and I were excited to share with some friends a guilty pleasure of ours: Cosmic Bingo at Casino del Sol. And not because of the chance to win $100 in a cramped, smoky bingo hall.
No, the real reason to go to this event — at least until now — had been the MC of the event, noted Tucson drag queen Lucinda Holliday (aka Larry Moore). Lucinda, complete with fuzzy penis-shaped microphone cover and an oversized knockoff Coach bag of double entendres and non sequiturs, made Cosmic Bingo what it was.
Whether it was getting the crowd to moan ‘Ohhhhhhh, Sixtyyyyyyy Niiiiiiiiiiine’ whenever that ball popped up on screen (and then forcing some unsuspecting and often intimidated young man to individually utter that, right into the aforementioned phallic mic) or urging everyone to refer to someone who falsely called Bingo a ‘stupid bitch,’ Lucinda provided just enough flair and spunk to make you forget you were spending your Saturday night, well … playing Bingo.
But apparently, according to a high-ranking casino official I spoke to that night, Lucinda’s act had become ‘stale’ and s/he was shown the door in an effort to mix things up.
More like (bleep) things up.
There’s still black lights, spinning disco balls, eclectic music and plenty of chances to win money. Actually, more than before, at least in the form of lame between-Bingo games that essentially give you cash to look silly in front of the crowd.
But other than that, Cosmic Bingo is nothing more than a regular session of Bingo in the dark, with the music too loud, a DJ that hasn’t figured out not to put the microphone ON HIS LIPS when he talks and an MC that either got asked to do the gig at the last minute (my guess, or at least my hope) or is a testament to the sad level of in-house talent Casino del Sol has on hand.
A bit of advice to this new MC: when you’ve got a contestant participating in a game with a 1-minute time limit, and you’re supposed to be there to provide instructions to the contestant, it’s not wise to then step away and answer some random person’s question in mid-contest. Just sayin’.
And I haven’t even gotten to the woefully run actual Bingo games, which along with being in a completely different order and format than before it involved numerous errors — compliments of a error-filled flier that was misleading, confusing and, frankly, listed the wrong games at some points.
The only part of the new Cosmic Bingo that has any potential: the name of the final game of the night, which is called the Big Unit. And yes, it means getting a pattern of numbers that can either be interpreted as a ‘T’ or a … well …
If Lucinda were there, you’d certainly know what it looked like.
This article appears in Jan 5-11, 2012.
Dear Wendell Long and Steve Johnston,
This Saturday January 7, 2012 I was so excited to begin the New Year with my favorite place to attend on Saturday nights along with my group of friends and family – Cosmic Bingo with Lucinda Holliday at Casino Del Sol. Unfortunately this Saturday was not what we expected to find. I was in total distraught to witness the atrocity that Cosmic Bingo became this Saturday especially that Lucinda Holliday was no longer the host. I have been attending Cosmic Bingo at least twice a month for the past three years and always staying after to play on the machines and to eat at Mobies. But after what I witnessed this Saturday I am not returning to Casino del Sol unless Lucinda Holliday is returned to Cosmic Bingo. There is no one that can replace her jokes and wit. I was terribly embarrassed for the new “host and DJ” that were there this past Saturday. If your purpose for changing to the “New” Cosmic Bingo was to lose customers you will achieve that by not having Lucinda there.
I have never met anyone like Lucinda Holliday. She was not only there to entertain us, she actually would take her time to get to know the regulars no matter what she would find a way to talk to everyone’s table. She would even make the most shy and quite person laugh out load. Her bubbly personality was infections. Even if you were having a bad day or if you were upset because someone yelled bingo right before your number was called, Lucinda’s jokes and character would make it all better. I know many people that would attend Cosmic Bingo just to see Lucinda. I have introduced Cosmic Bingo to everyone I know – all my family that comes from Mexico, my co-workers, roommates, and friends. I have even taken some of the most homophobic friends I know and they all agreed that she puts on a great show and Cosmic Bingo was enjoyable only because of her.
If Casino Del Sol wanted to change things up for the New Year – I assure you that if you offer Lucinda the opportunity to host those new mini-games she would actually make them fun and not a joke like what was witnessed On January 7, 2012. I can go on and on explaining to you how you have committed a big mistake by letting her go. I really don’t think you understand how lucky you were to have Lucinda Holliday. Luckily, there is still time to repair the damage. I speak for all Cosmic Bingo regulars when saying that you have to bring Lucinda Holliday back to Cosmic Bingo or you will lose an enormous amount of customers at Casino del Sol.
Thank you for your time.
Daniela Moreno
(This will be sent to the folks at Casino Del Sol):
Oh, Casino Powers That Be,
I think I understand what happened here. You Casino Del Sol folks were so completely overwhelmed by the new resort and hotel and parties and holiday happenings that you just made a mistake and didn’t realize your error in losing Lucinda for Cosmic Bingo.
I mean, really, I know there’s just no way on earth you could have chosen to let go ON PURPOSE one of the best things about your entire place: quality, fun, funny, creative, money-producing entertainment that is unique AND local!
I (and my many friends who have been regulars for EONS and who spend big bucks there both before after Bingo) know you didn’t seriously think about how many people LOVE Lucinda and are repeat clientele simply because of her. I mean, shoot, y’all, folks can play Bingo in lots of places, and cosmic or not, bingo is bingo. But with Lucinda Holliday, Bingo is BBBBBIIIIINNNNNGGGGGOOOOOOO, bitches! (Nothing personal, just quoting Ms. Holliday herself).
We want her back. Now, please. Thanks so much.
Julie Nicolay