Honestly, from the Boston Bombing (from its abhorrent coverage to the shootout between police and suspects this morning) to the fertilizer plant explosion in West, Texas, this week has been completely, absolutely awful. And, again, satirical “news” source The Onion has completely nailed it in a piece yesterday, simply titled “Jesus, This Week” (NSFW language ahead):

“Seriously, can we wrap this up already?” Maryland resident James Alderman told reporters, echoing the thoughts of all 311 million Americans, who have just about reached their weekly goddamned quota for carnage, misery, confusion, heartbreak, and rage. “Because, you know, I’m pretty sure we’ve all had our hearts ripped out of our chests and stomped on enough times for one seven-day period, thank you very much.”

“Man oh man,” Alderman added, shaking his head. “Can you believe this? Can you honestly believe the kind of piece-of-shit week we’re having here?”

According to a new poll by the Pew Research Center, when reached for comment on this week, 93 percent of Americans responded “Okay, enough’s enough here, you have seriously got to be kidding me with this week,” with 84 percent saying “Is it Sunday yet? What? How in the hell are we only at Thursday? What the hell is going on?” and 100 percent of Americans responding “No, no, go ahead, just pile some more horrific shit on this hellish shitshow of a week. Have at it.”

Honestly. I’ve got high hopes for the weekend, all things considered — I mean, it couldn’t be any worse, right?

This article appears in Apr 18-24, 2013.

7 replies on “‘The Onion’ Covers Just How Terrible This Week Has Been”

  1. There’s a couple of things I’ve learned in life. One of them is to never say, “It couldn’t be any worse, right?”

    Uhh!

  2. BUT – the good that happened this week with all of the people who jumped right in and helped the injured, those not hurt but in shock, opened homes, gave blood, provided comfort as well as the first responders and police and firemen and more, renewed my faith in the American people. We always step up, come back, rise higher. There will always be those very negative individuals and very dangerous groups, but once again good beats bad, love beats hate and Boston and West, TX. will become stronger and the people more aware of each other and we can all rely on the goodness of most of us.

  5. As if it wasn’t bad enough, the stupid taglines they give them irritate the heck out of me too. They apparently have now branded the boston event the Patriot Day bombings. uhhhhhg. The poor fertilizer plant people will be what? The day of the Shit Bomb?

  6. Phyllis I understand where you are coming from it is easy to say that as an outsider. The man who lost his son, and his daughter lost a leg and his wife has head injuiries probably doesn’t feel anything good came out of it. West Texas lost almost all their fire department and first responders. I don’t think they are feeling what you are feeling diggit?

  7. bummedout, to be fair, the bombings did occur on the third Monday of March, which is traditionally celebrated as Patriot’s Day in Massachusetts.

Comments are closed.