NUDE AND UNGLUED

SOUTH SEYMOUR ROAD

MAY 10, 2:31 A.M.

A man celebrated the anniversary of his nativity by making a
neighborhood ruckus in his birthday suit, a Pima County Sheriff’s
Department report stated.

Deputies arrived at the location, where they heard loud yelling.
Entering the subject’s residence, they encountered a yelling male,
completely naked, just inside the front door. He had slurred speech and
swayed back and forth.

The man let deputies cover his lap with a towel but refused
clothing. He explained he had just been at a party, and it was his 32nd
birthday; when he arrived home, he wanted to go skinny-dipping, which
was why he was naked. After speaking, he proceeded to lie down on the
kitchen floor. He said he had drunk a lot of beer and was also on
LSD.

The subject’s parents, with whom he lived, stated that he’d arrived
home from celebrating at a party at about 1:30 a.m., and “celebrated a
little more by himself.” He went to the backyard pool, disrobed and
began jumping in and out of the pool, running around the yard and
screaming at a high volume. Told he would wake the neighbors, he said,
“Fuck the neighbors. They always wake us up, so I don’t care if I wake
them up.”

The man was arrested for disorderly conduct.

SHOULD’VE BEEN A LIFER?

SOUTH CALICO LANE

MAY 10, 5:09 P.M.

A disgruntled ex-con wronged a man who helped him, according to a
PCSD report.

The reportee, the owner of several trailers on a lot, stated he had
been corresponding with a man who served a three-year prison sentence
for murder and who had just been released. To help him get back on his
feet, the reportee let him sleep in one of his trailers and paid him to
work as a handyman.

At first, the subject was helpful, the owner reported, but his mood
changed considerably once he was told he would have to move out while
the reportee went on vacation. On the day of the move, the reportee saw
his guest copiously drinking alcohol and rocking back and forth in a
“scary” manner.

Later that day, the reportee found numerous holes burned in the
trailer’s carpet and several puddles of human urine. In the back of the
trailer, there was a propped-up piece of cardboard with “dig” written
on it and a steak knife stuck through it. Someone had also cut out
letters spelling “charity” and “integrity” from a magazine.

A week later, the reportee entered the trailer to find that someone
had left a hose running in the residence, flooding it and ruining what
was left of the carpet.

The reporting deputy advised the reportee to obtain a restraining
order.

This article appears in Jun 4-10, 2009.