QUESTIONABLE OVERTURES

FAR SOUTHWEST SIDE

MARCH 9, 9:15 P.M.

A single homeowner’s alleged friendly advances may have been taken
the wrong way by a post office employee and more than one neighbor,
according to a Pima County Sheriff’s Department report.

Upon meeting with the reporting deputy, the reportee warned him that
he had been drinking beer all evening and was slightly intoxicated. He
then showed the deputy his mailbox, stating that his regular
mail-delivery person was a large woman to whom he had always tried to
be extra-friendly. He would even leave Christmas cards for her in the
mailbox, along with “other such items.”

But despite—or because of—his friendliness, she stopped
delivering packages to his front door. Instead, she began leaving them
in the mailbox and honking from the street. He explained he was very
displeased with this. Then, he said, he found that some important
home-refinancing documents he got in the mail had been opened before he
received them, and he thought she may have tampered with his mail.
Shortly after that, he found that his mailbox had actually been knocked
off the post. He believed the mailwoman had done this and had some kind
of problem with him.

The victim then explained that though he always tried to be friendly
with his neighbors, they, too, “were not receptive to his generosity.”
In fact, he said, someone had thrown a dead dog in his backyard.

The reporting deputy took photos of the mailbox; the dead dog was no
longer available as evidence.

ITCHES IN THE BRITCHES

UA AREA

MARCH 25, 4:19 P.M.

A pornography-loving young man got caught using an institution of
learning for some rather noneducational purposes, a UA Police
Department report stated.

Two officers were dispatched to the reference desk at the UA
Information Commons and met with the reportee, who was crying and very
upset. She said she had been working at a computer when she heard some
fast, repetitive banging noises coming from the computer station behind
her. When the banging noises failed to cease, she said, she turned
around and saw a young man with his hands down his pants “manipulating
his genitals.” The girl immediately left and reported the incident.

Officers located and interviewed the subject, who admitted that he
had been looking at pornography on the computer. He had been aroused,
he said, and even had an erection, but he claimed he wasn’t
masturbating—he was just “scratching his nuts.” He had a rash
down there, he explained.

The officer offered to take a photo of the rash, but the subject
declined. He was arrested and issued a six-month exclusionary
order.

This article appears in Apr 9-15, 2009.