I’m in California right now, staying with my in-laws for a few days in the Inland Valley. They’re complaining about the heat here, which makes me laugh in the same way it makes Californians laugh to hear about the East Coast earthquake. YOU KNOW NOTHING OF TRUE SUFFERING, CALIFORNIANS.

Anyway, the dual televisions at my in-laws’ house are always on, and the volume on those televisions is always parked somewhere between “Revved Harley Davidson” and “Please, sweet heavens, my ears are bleeding”. Also, they only watch two stations: Fox News and the Horse Channel.

I don’t know if it’s actually called “Horse Channel”, and, frankly, I don’t want to know. It’s unfathomably boring. I like horses as much as the next born-and-raised urbanite. They’re beautiful creatures, mankind’s closest friend besides dogs, and they helped my white ancestors totally take over North America. I’ve even ridden horses once or twice. But do they really need their own cable network? Did you know there’s a breed of horse with curly hair that’s hypo-allergenic? I do, because the Horse Channel informed me. Does knowing this change anything about my life? No. But would I rather watch the Horse Channel for six straight hours than sit through 10 minutes of Fox News? You bet your chaps and spurs and horseseat I would.

(CORRECTION: My wife informs me these “horseseats” are referred to as “saddles”.)

Now, despite what my dad might tell you, I’m not a flaming liberal communist. I grew up staunchly conservative, and I would consider myself a moderate now. Philosophically, I think faceless government institutions are incapable of truly providing solutions to the world’s problems, and that real difference is made only through the actions of small independent communities and individuals. Generally, I prefer minimal government power and involvement, whether it comes to guns, religion, marriage or intoxicants. So maybe I’m a libertarian? I don’t know. The point is, I think I have a better grasp on conservative principles than most of my liberal friends, and I absolutely see their merit.

But Fox News is not about principles. Fox News is awful. It’s beyond awful. I hate nearly everything it airs. I resent being fed news like a half-wit baby bird munching on its mother’s regurgitated worms. I resent having loud voices relentlessly pounded into my skull. I resent being told what to fear. I was watching the other day, and the most obscurely small news story was being yelled about between a field reporter and a desk jockey while the word “ALERT” scrolled by, over and over, in all caps. 15 years ago, “BREAKING NEWS” meant some crazy shit was going down. Now, it means Nancy Pelosi haggled with Girl Scouts over the price of Samosas.

When it launched, I kind of liked Fox News. Honestly, the majority of media does lean left. It’s not a conspiracy, and it’s not about pushing an agenda (at least for the most part). The media leans left because the people who write newspaper stories – who produce copy for the nightly news – earned liberal arts degrees from American universities. On average, those people are going to be liberal. When it debuted, I didn’t mind that Fox News might be a counterbalance. Journalism should be about examining all angles of a story, and if you’re an college-educated journalist, it’s somewhat reasonable that you might land on a liberal perspective without fully examining the other side. I mean, The Tucson Weekly has some terrific journalists posting here every day, but I’m guessing an informal poll of the staff’s political stances wouldn’t exactly mirror Arizona’s national reputation.

Whatever you want to say about Roger Ailes and Rupert Murdoch, they understood a huge portion of Americans believed the same thing. Then they went way, way too far, to the point where Fox now consists almost solely of screaming punditry masquerading as legitimate journalism. Journalism should exist to examine nuance, to provide the information required for a functioning democracy to make thoughtful decisions. Fox News could’ve been a vital cog in informing Americans about different perspectives. Instead, it exists to perpetuate fear, which feeds ratings, which fills Rupert Murdoch’s coffers with advertising dollars from weird companies selling gold coins emblazoned with assault rifle-wielding bald eagles.

Of course, I’m preaching to the choir here, spouting my indignant self-righteousness to an audience of similarly-minded alt-weekly readers. I guess I could throw in the requisite qualifier that MSNBC is the liberal equivalent, except I never watch MSNBC, and ratings indicate no one else really does, either. All I want is for my in-laws to turn down the damn TV enough so I can hear myself think and maybe read The Post-Mortal in peace and quiet.

This article appears in Sep 1-7, 2011.

Jordan Green is from Portland, Oregon. He is the Editor-in-Chief of BurnsideWriters.com and the co-author of "Besides the Bible". Jordan has also worked as a courier, a barista at a large coffee purveyor,...

28 replies on “Idiot Boksen – Were You Aware Fox News is Awful?”

  3. You certainly seem to enjoy hearing yourself talk. Oh, well, you only repeated the same thought about twenty times. We got the drift after the first paragraph, although it took a while to get through it. Fortunate that you are not a real journalist because editors like brevity. And I, who actually worked for a living in a large company, had a boss who said if you can’t say it in one very short page you belong in some other kind of work. You superior easterners mainly visit here in order to tell us how backwoods we are. Glad to provide you with such amusement.

  5. Also, the first paragraph had almost nothing to do with the rest of the entry, so I’m really confused by your comment.

  6. I hate FOX News.
    I was actually thinking, “Yay! Something on The Range longer than a paragraph!”
    I never knew there was a hypo-allergenic horse OR a horse channel. Good to know.
    This particular member of the choir enjoyed your sermon.

  7. I guess anybody can be a journalist now…anywho…what I can say for Fox News is that they truely fight for the american who pays their taxes and wants to fly a flag in the front yard. Serving my country now for 15 years, in about almost any military facility, guess what channel the TV is tuned to…Fox News…and guess what…no one complains to turn it down. You may want to look at another line of work if there are any out there still, or maybe you’ll just vote for Obama again and HOPE for CHANGE.

  8. What a joke! You really want to hear screaming a-holes? I highly recommend MSNBC! Now there is a NO-NEWS station if ever! Libertarian my azz!

  9. J.Green. Get yourself a kickstand. You are leaning soooo far left,you will fall over.

    You haven’t got a clue what journalsm is. So please continue to have your little tiny brain washed by CNN and MSNBC. They of course never have banners and graphics,like that evil FOX.

    One reviewer called you a troll. I would agree if that epithet were not a great deal better than you deserve.

    The other “news” programs never have advertising,right? They have no specific view. No bias whatsoever. People like Maddow and that yayhoo that went to the startup channel or internet or whatever. They didn’t proselytize from a particular viewpoint.

    You need to go back to working a coffee bar or that may be too technical for you. Either way you have no idea what you are talking about. You are a blithering idiot who is blathering.

    I would be more specific,but that would only serve to confuse you as I may need to use words that are polysyllabic. Which would require a sound,intellectual approach. That is clearly your KRYPTONITE.

    Robert

  10. I switch back and forth between Fox News and CNN and Fox News is by far the best. They give better details and photos of the news. Much better for any information.

  11. banners and graphics? please! fox news is for the lazy who want some one else to think for them. they did once give the news. shepard smith is the only one who can run a newscast without some blond airhead

  12. Being that I served in the Army for six years, I can totally verify Ben’s comment about Fox News frequently being on at US military bases (though not all, to be sure, and servicemen DO complain). As the writer of this article, I can also verify this is not a good thing.

  13. @Robert:

    “One reviewer called you a troll. I would agree if that epithet were not a great deal better than you deserve.”

    This is by far the greatest comment I’ve ever received. The drama! The flamboyance! I applaud you, sir!

  14. I grew up in family of newspaper folks,around ranch animals, and glad you have the insight to pick your obviously correct first name. I been around 75 +years and tho there are some bloviators on Fox–it is the only place I can get somewhat fair and balanced news.
    I Figure this was meant as humor to show off to your friends- and maybe u did–I will never know any of them or you –and that is sad–coulda taught u are few things about fair and balanced — tho it appears it would be a slow and painful process. I would liked the painful-:)}

    PS -Idiot,you gotta get outta the city more ! GEb Brown HiKnoll Az

  15. Fox News is the equivalent of a “first responder.” It doesn’t exist to make news. It’s designed to “re-balance” the hysterical, shrill, error-filled reporting of the far left that is aired by the national television networks. Fox actually gives airtime to the people on the far left who characterize themselves as the “spokespeople” for the liberal agenda of the Democrat Party. It’s like putting little children on television and letting them scream at the top of their lungs against the question they’re being asked. Not many people know that these “spokespeople” for the policies of the present Democrat administration actually learn these techniques in classes designed to teach a television program guest precisely how to take over an interview. They are taught to scream their pre-printed, one-sided administration viewpoint in a manner that is designed to overpower anyone else on the same program. Watch some of these interviews. The “Democrat Spokesperson” pays little attention to the topic or the question that he or she has just been asked. They start their response by talking at a very high pitch (you won’t find any spokesperson with a soft and velvety voice) and they keep screaming over the other guests until time runs out. It’s astonishing how many people are willing to show themselves as ignorant “soldiers” for a losing cause. Have you noticed that we never see the “Leaders” of the Democrat Party on these programs? They’re too smart to allow themselves to look dumb or stupid. They send in their enthusiastic soldiers to take the hits while trying to block the objective reporting and discussion of reason coming out of Fox reporters and anchor people. No viewer has to be biased to see what’s going on and how these Democrat spokespeople move the topic around during an interview. If their answer to a question begins to appear dumb and off-target, they simply reach over and drag in another issue that is totally unrelated and continue their tirade there. Anyone with an IQ equal to a 40-watt bulb can see what’s happening and judge for himself whether the nonsense being screamed by these liberal folks is anywhere near honest. It isn’t. And it’s to Fox’s credit that it lets them stand out there on their soap box and show themselves for what they really are — robotic little parrots squawking the same line of propaganda that is heard from the White House that day. Watch and see for yourself. All of the words we hear from these Democrat spokespeople on Fox are exactly the same as the words from the White House. We all can recognize that the talking points we hear from dozens of these people all day are coming from the same piece of paper written by someone in the president’s office. Only the faces change.

  16. Fox news is a brainwash network for weak minded idiots. To call it a news station is a joke. It’s a propaganda machine for corporations pushing there agenda through the republican party.

  17. Interesting debate here. So many proclaim that Fox News is poor quality. But ratings don’t lie. If mainstream media gave more air time to the most right-of-center views, Fox News wouldn’t rule the roost. But yes, you must give credit to Rupert Murdoch and especially Roger Ailes for seeing the gaping hole in the market and instantly and successfully filling it.

    Fox News never should have succeeded, but under Ailes’s leadership, it has flourished. No matter what you think of Fox News, and there are obviously MANY opinions, no one can deny the TV genius of its leadership.

  18. J. Green,
    Get a life and rest assured most conservatives will not deprive you of your right to print and publish your rambling drivel exposing you as the demented socilist freeloader you really are.Still confused?

  19. Re “what I can say for Fox News is that they truely fight for the american who pays their taxes and wants to fly a flag in the front yard” above:

    They “fight” mainly for those Americans who are paying very little taxes compared to what they can afford to pay, and for those corporations who pay little or no taxes to pay even less. They are now “fighting” against those who would like to lower payroll taxes on those who are having trouble paying for their food and housing.

    And I can fly a flag in my yard any time I want to without reference to or help from the “fighters” at Faux News.

  20. Fox news sux, but it’s what the Republicans want to hear. If that isn’t you then don’t watch. One good thing about them tho is that they have the hottest female news spouters on cable. This is done on purpose tho as their reporting is way impartial and they need to engage the viewer in something asides content. P.S. CNN ROX! – Toostonian –

  24. To say that fournalists who earn a Liberal Arts degree tend to be/report as a Liberal politically is a rediculous and ignorant mindset. Media is neither liberal or conservative, if anything they follow a corporatist mindset. They are entertainment. They follow no set view because they have to tightrope with the political parties and PAC’s-all vying for ad dollars. They follow a “TMZ” style reporting that is neither journalistic or biased.
    Since today our “news” is 24/7 and available at a moments notice – the media knows it must act without research or fact check to be first – and they lose to the internet and bloggers who do both much better. Before you brag about FOX having higher ratings – and they do – think of Coke Cola with a wider market share, but less sales than Pepsi.
    Fox buys up distribution where other media sources earns their way (IE: Airline terminals, corporate piping, cable, satelite, etc). BTW: you only need to look at the demise of CNN and every major newspaper (and many more regional ones).

  25. Are all of your lives THAT miserable that you tear an interesting author a new one over a news channel?? Are you so pathetic that ALL of your info comes from ONE point of view? You are dense. If you are so blind as to (as Metallica put it in one of their songs) “HEAR ONLY WHAT YOU WANNA HEAR, (but) YOU ONLY KNOW WHAT YOU’VE HEARD” think about that you mindless single channel news watchers (both sides of the isle)

    J.green, now you may be have liberalesk tendencies,(idunno) that id love to choke outta ya (not really….figure of speach) as I’m conservative (not a republican as they are effed up as can be too), but I agree with ya on foxnews, but the other dribble from the other side is just as bad.
    Heck if you watched the news unfolding when the Tucson shootings went down….ALL OF THE NETWORKS, at some point, (even the mighty FOX) reported giffords dead…

    they are not ouT “FOR US” they are there to make their CEOs money, that’s it, if anyone thinks other wise…you are dense.

  26. You are indeed an idiot when you choose one TV show over another.
    Try a bowl of mindless eating, too. Circle jerk, anyone?

  27. Why slam a network that professional comedians watch for laughs? I mean, have you seen Gretchen Carlson? She cracks me up!

    Just watch FOX for what it is. And if you know anyone who actually believes it is a news station, recommend “Outfoxed” for balance.

  28. The averaged US citizen realizes that news nowadays is either slanted very left or right. Unfortunately, it is up to us to fish out the facts and to come up with our version of the “truth.” For instance, all news outlets report on an event but then go on to give their take, opinion, or viewpoint on this occurrence. “The car traveling at a high rate of speed was driven by a man. This car careened into a playground killing 10 people.” Now, this is the part where the news i.e. Fox, MSNBC, CNN, HLN will start to discuss the motives, reasons, circumstance, etc concerning this event. The details unfortunately will become lost in the “discussion” and it will be more of “why it is the Dumbo-crats’ or the Republi-cant’s fault.”

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