Guest Commentary

I took my oath to join the Army National Guard on April 2, 2009.

I remember standing in a small room with about 15 other recruits.
Everyone was wearing jeans, T-shirts that covered their shoulders and
cleavage, and closed-toed shoes. I was the youngest in the
group—17. I stood up straight and looked forward in the
parade-rest position (hands behind my back, with my right hand in front
of the left). All I could see was the United States flag and the
Arizona state flag. The room smelled like a brand new carpet.

I, Morgan Shae Miller, solemnly swear to protect the Constitution
of the United States of America …

I first considered joining the military when my brother, Justin,
joined the Army National Guard in December 2008. My brother told me the
Army could teach me discipline, pay for college and give me the chance
to do things most people don’t have the opportunity to do, like go to
sniper school.

But Justin also knows that in the past, I’ve had a hard time
controlling my temper—especially at school. For example, I once
got in trouble for wearing “short” shorts to class, and my teacher
offered, in front of all of my friends, to buy me some longer pants. I
snapped back, “I’m not a charity case, so take your money somewhere
else!”

Growing up in a big, loud family always meant speaking up; if you
weren’t picked on, you weren’t loved. In my family, there were no
consequences for getting into arguments: I could yell at my aunt, and
20 minutes later, she’d smack my butt to show that it was all just a
joke. But around people who aren’t family members, “speaking my mind”
seemed to get me into trouble.

Over time, I realized that vulnerability is usually what causes my
short-fused temper to go off. The constant reminder from my teacher
that my shorts were too short embarrassed me. I felt like she picked on
me in front of my whole class. But unlike at home, I couldn’t pick on
her back (it would only get me suspended—trust me, I
tried). And biting my tongue was something I tried to do, but
never could. Things escalated, and after a phone call home and lots of
arguments with my mom, I knew I needed an attitude adjustment.

When I decided to join the military, I thought everyone around me
would be supportive. But instead, I found myself facing a brick wall.
One of my teachers told me I was taking the easy way out, throwing my
life away by not looking into all of my options. He just couldn’t
understand that joining the military was my way of getting both what I
needed (college paid for) and wanted (the discipline to succeed). If I
didn’t join the military to learn some self-control, then I
really would have limited options. How could I get a job if I
had anger issues?

When I got my physical for the National Guard, my temper was really
put to the test: I had to take it in front of eight other females, all
at least six years older then me. I hadn’t even been given the chance
to learn these girls’ names, and they were going to see me walk around
in a hospital gown—and pee in a cup! Just like all the other
girls, I tried to laugh away my discomfort. After all, my choices were
to go on a crazy rampage, or to joke my way through it. It was my first
day joining, and I was already learning self-control.

Now, even after only a few months in the service, I see that joining
the Army National Guard has raised the stakes for me. Breaking the
law—any law—can cost me my bonus. And talking back
during training only leads to push-ups. I like the fact that I’m
expected to be responsible, helpful and strong. Being in the Guard has
given me a chance to be a disciplined, well-rounded young woman who can
laugh her way through vulnerable.

It’s anything but the “easy way out.”

Morgan Shae Miller, 17, will be a senior at Sky Islands High
School. She is a participant in the VOICES Community Stories Past and
Present Inc. program. For more information, visit www.voicesinc.org.

This article appears in Aug 13-19, 2009.