Project White House has its first candidate!

For those who came in late: Last week, TW debuted Project White House, a foray into Reality Journalism that’s encouraging readers to launch their own campaign for president.

It turns out that all you have to do to get your name on Arizona’s Feb. 5 presidential primary ballot is fill out a form that’s we’ve conveniently posted here. Feel free to download it, get it notarized and send it to Arizona Secretary of State Jan Brewer.

But if you want us to cover your campaign, you should send us your platform—even if it’s nothing more than an essay of 250 words or less about why you’re seeking the White House—by Friday, Dec. 7. Then our judges will decide whether we consider you newsworthy.

If we like what you’ve got to say, we’ll cover your campaign and even notarize your nomination for free!

Our first contestant is Robert Mac, a comedian who calls Tucson home when he’s not out on the stand-up circuit.

Mac sent the following to Project White House:

Why I Want to Run for President

By Robert Mac (age 39 and a half) (almost)

The other day, my mom Pat came down to the garage even though she’s not allowed to without permission, and we were watching the news from Washington and she said at this rate I’m smart enough to be president. Why would she say that? Well, I’m always thinking about problems—I’m a problem thinker and I have the doctor’s note to prove it. And I’m old enough to be president: I’m 39 and a half almost.

I have a lot of good ideas. My brain is so dense with ideas. I don’t want to make it sound like I’m bragging, but I’m probably the densest candidate ever.

For instance, I know how to solve the immigration problem once and for all. My “Shorter Border Order” will bring income into our country AND make the border easier to protect. It’ll kill two birds with one stone. That’s just one idea.

My war plan will make fighting the war easier AND cheaper. I just killed another two birds.

I have simple plans to reduce global warming (everyone needs to run their air conditioning all the time with their windows open—doy!), fix the health care system, and scare away terrorists.

Plus, my Alaskan Energy Conservation plan will both supply oil AND get oil-producing countries off our back. Two more birds!

In summary, my mom Pat is right. I’m going to be a great president. So, vote for me: I kill birds!

Mac will be launching his campaign as part of this weekend’s Comedy Fiasco, which features a Christmas 2008 theme. (“Only 389 shopping days left. Standup, skits, songs, game shows with prizes and possible humiliation.”)

You should so totally go check out his act at 6:30 p.m. Saturday, Dec. 1, at Club Congress, 311 E. Congress St. Tickets are just $7.

And in the meantime, launch your own campaign with Project White House! E-mail us at ProjectWhiteHouse@tucsonweekly.com or drop a package into the mail to P.O. Box 27087, Tucson, AZ 85726.

Run, You, Run!

This article appears in Nov 22-28, 2007.

Getting hassled by The Man Mild-mannered reporter

12 replies on “Fire in the Belly!”

  1. Is “Project White House” anything like “Project Runway”?
    Will I be required to sew dresses and work with anorexic models? Will I get to rub elbows with Tim Gunn and Heidi Klum? Will I have to compete against wacky contestants who only think they know what they are doing?

  2. Very nice entry! (That’s what she said.)

    I am a little sad that that’s the first one. I hope you get a couple dozen more. Come on, Tucson. It’s not like you have anything else to do. What, are you going to hike Sabino Canyon or some crap like that instead of RUNNING FOR PRESIDENT?

  3. I am not lacking a sense of humor but I do not find this whole Project White House funny. I am trying to help turn this state blue in a critical election period when we need a strong candidate forward and this project White house is an undermining joke when we need every publication possible serious about changing this country. The change starts in the early primaries if we are ever going to prevent another 4 years of a republican regime to happen again.

  4. You know what really bugs me (actually a lot of stuff does) but I hate that we voters in Arizona are second-class citizens. I really hate that people in Iowa and New Hampshire and some other states get first crack at the primaries and the rest of the country and the media are like sheep. By the time we Arizonans get to vote in the primaries, some candidates have dropped off the planet (Joe Biden, hang in there!) and we’re stuck with choices that we had no say in.
    If I were President, I would do away with all the brouhaha of the primaries and every damn state would go to the polls on the same day.
    Getting off my soapbox now before I fall off…

  5. Karyn: While the current system is less than perfect–particularly with the new race among states to the be first in the nation–your prescription would make things worse. Here’s why: It ignores the basic nature of the campaign process. (It also federalizes what’s now a state-by-state process, but I digress.)

    Campaigning is a dynamic process that is rapidly changing, but when candidates campaign in small states like New Hampshire, they at least do some retail politics–visiting the old union hall, shaking hands, talking one-on-one with voters. When I was in New Hampshire in ’92, Bill Clinton walked up to me on the street, told me he wanted to be president and asked what was on my mind.

    If we had one single primary election day, that sort of campaigning–which is already vanishing as a result of the accelerated primary schedule–would be a total waste of time and resources. Instead (as we’re already seeing this year) the winning strategy would focus on television advertising and a quick drop into major population centers for a stump speech.

    What’s the end result? Campaigns are reduced to 30-second commercials and candidates focus their efforts on raising enough money to pay for those ads. Your mileage may differ, but I think putting even more emphasis on fund-raising prowess is a move in the wrong direction.

    One idea that’s been floated in the past is breaking the country into regions and having different states in each region have primaries on the same day. You could start with smaller states and move to the larger ones or do some kind of rotation.

  6. Tawnie: I do hope you’re joking.

    It’s been proven that humor and creativity is a great way to get people interested in real politics.

    And since the Daily Show is off the air due to the writer’s strike, we need those qualities more than ever.

  7. Hey Tawnie — since you are trying very hard to promote blue-state politics, why don’t you fill out the Tucson Weekly form, and then base your entire platform on trying to get people more serious about the election? If you did it well enough, it would likely be published in the Tucson Weekly (one assumes).

  8. Jim that was a good explanation of the advantages of the primary process. But it still doesn’t much mitigate the low impact of the states in the latter primaries.

    Anyone else pulling for Obama? I don’t hate Hillary but there’s definitely some palpable negative aspects to her. Plus she already has a big red pundit’s bullseye painted on her thanks to every sordid detail of her husband’s past.

  9. I am not lacking a sense of humor but I do not find this whole Project White House funny. I am trying to help turn this state blue in a critical election period when we need a strong candidate forward and this project White house is an undermining joke when we need every publication possible serious about changing this country.

    That assumes you can control and manipulate the media. If you want to have things your way, you will need to buy out the rights to the newspapers and then realign the staff to hold direct biases in your favor.

    Otherwise, your criticism is worthwhile but won’t make the entire Project WH to stop what its doing and change course to do what you want it to.

    Tawnie, it’s great you’re caucusing for Obama. But otherwise… what you’re trying to accomplish does not mean everyone has to do it. Saying “we need every publication possible serious about changing this country” doesn’t mean it automatically happens.

  10. Please, have pitty on me. I live with a Clinton supporter, but when I think Clinton I don’t get nostalgic about blow jobs – my mind wanders to other troublesome behaviors. I remember a welfare reform that forced women I knew in Seattle to sell their cars because they all of a sudden couldn’t have a car and receive certain assistance at the same time, and another person who lost her childcare assistance that she needed while finishing school. That was a fun time for poor people who really did want to find work. Then let’s think about the border issues we have now – NAFTA and not holding Mexico up to its end of the agreement to build infrastructure to help grow their economy, and then bolstering the border in San Diego, which just made border crossing go further east(Douglas) and more treacherous. From where we lived in the middle of Agriculture Center, USA in Wenatchee, Washington – we saw a change there that everyone noticed. The new border policies changed how migrant workers lived and worked traveling between California and Washington to work different seasons. Many often returned home, at least by the Christmas time with the last apples and pears picked, and the work completed in the packing sheds. Most don’t do this anymore-they realized there was a likelihood they would never be able to return to work. They stayed. From one census to another the Latino population in Wenatchee increased 300 percent. And don’t forget Rwanda. I still want to puke when I think of the footage of Good Old Bill presenting that little plaque on the airplane to the Rwandan president to commemorate the genocide…”Sorry we just didn’t have the guts to really help, so here’s this nice plaque.” Too much baggage for me. In this week’s paper Catherine talks about getting all hot for Mitt, but Ms. O’Sullivan take another look at Mr. Obama. Not too bad in those gray suit trousers and a Democrat.

  11. Mari, that’s an interesting summary of various negative impacts of Clinton policies. While Bill Clinton was about 1,000 times better than Bush, and actually balanced the budget, he still gets too much of a pass for some of his lazy and destructive policies.

    Let’s not forget that NAFTA also allowed Asian manufacturing to completely overwhelm our markets (hello, Wal-Mart) without any corresponding protections. We are feeling major fall-out from that now, but the process was set in motion during Clinton’s years.

    We also shouldn’t forget Clinton bombing Baghdad in response to the plot to assassinate George Bush Sr. Some of those bombs ended up hitting random city targets. Among them was a Baghdad art gallery, killing the owner/curator in the process. Way to send a message to Saddam Hussein, Clinton. He also acted on faulty intelligence to blow up a pharmaceutical factory in Sudan that was suspected to be a bio-weapons plant, but later confirmed not to be.

    Then there’s the WACO debacle, and that thing with the Cuban kid.

    I don’t really care if Clinton was having an affair, but he put himself in a position to get nailed and drag the entire party down with him. What a f*ck-up. At least Republicans are smart enough to use discreet, professional Washington prostitutes supplied by big-money lobbyists to secure pork projects. (Hmmm….anybody wonder why Trent Lott is suddenly resigning?)

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