Zombies are all the bloodthirsty rage these days.
And increasingly, they seem to be infecting our political parties. Once upon a time, Republicans believed in fiscal responsibility, protecting the environment and investing in the nation’s infrastructure. What do Republicans believe in now? Taaax cutsssss. Seecurrrre the borrrderrrr. Eaaaaaat braaaaainnnnns!
Given the dismal circumstances, we’ve decided to endorse a few zombies in key contested primary races. Election Day is next Tuesday, Aug. 24. For more info, call the Pima County Recorder’s Office at 740-4330.
U.S. SENATE (DEMOCRAT): We’re casting our vote for John Dougherty. We like what he has to say about sensible immigration reform, cutting back on Pentagon waste and pursuing clean-energy policies.
U.S. SENATE (REPUBLICAN): If you need more explanation about the zombie infestation of the GOP, look no further than U.S. Sen. John McCain. His primary opponents are even worse. Vote Zombie Barry Goldwater.
CONGRESSIONAL DISTRICT 7 (REPUBLICAN): All four candidates talk a lot about socialism, freedom and other abstract principles, but much as we like those things, we’re endorsing Zombie Dwight Eisenhower.
CONGRESSIONAL DISTRICT 8 (REPUBLICAN): The only guy in the race who remains a relatively reasonable Republican is Jay Quick.
GOVERNOR (REPUBLICAN): We’re endorsing Zombie Paul Fannin, the Republican who served as Arizona governor from 1959 to 1965.
ATTORNEY GENERAL (REPUBLICAN): In the five-plus years that Andrew Thomas served as the Maricopa County attorney, we saw abuses of power that are unprecedented outside of fascist regimes. We’re not crazy about Tom Horne, but we’re gonna have to vote for him.
ATTORNEY GENERAL (DEMOCRAT): Our hearts say Vince Rabago, but our minds say Felecia Rotellini, because she’s strongest Democrat to have on the November ticket.
SECRETARY OF STATE (DEMOCRAT): Vote for Chris Deschene, a former Marine who represented Apache County in the Arizona House of Representatives.
SUPERINTENDENT OF PUBLIC INSTRUCTION (DEMOCRAT): We’re going with Penny Kotterman, a teacher and union official.
SUPERINTENDENT OF PUBLIC INSTRUCTION (REPUBLICAN): We’re not impressed with any of the choices, so we’re going with Zombie Abraham Lincoln.
STATE TREASURER (REPUBLICAN): We don’t like any of them, so we’re endorsing Zombie Herbert Hoover.
ARIZONA CORPORATION COMMISSION (DEMOCRAT): Vote Renz Jennings, who did a good job in a previous stint on the ACC, and David Bradley, who was a capable lawmaker.
ARIZONA CORPORATION COMMISSION (REPUBLICAN): Vote Zombie Teddy Roosevelt and Zombie Richard Nixon, both of whom showed more concern for the environment than today’s GOP does.
LEGISLATIVE DISTRICT 25 HOUSE (DEMOCRAT): We like incumbent Democrat Pat Fleming and Army intelligence instructor Ken Davis.
LEGISLATIVE DISTRICT 26 HOUSE (REPUBLICAN): Wade McLean, a former superintendent in the Marana School District, is a choice for Republicans who still believe in something besides dismantling government.
LEGISLATIVE DISTRICT 27 HOUSE (DEMOCRAT): Our nod goes to Dustin Cox and Sally Gonzales. We’d advise you against voting for John Kromko and Eric Carbajal Bustamante.
LEGISLATIVE DISTRICT 28 HOUSE (DEMOCRAT): Vote for incumbent Rep. Steve Farley, who has done a solid job of representing the district for the last four years, and Mohur Sidhwa, a longtime Democratic activist.
LEGISLATIVE DISTRICT 30 HOUSE (REPUBLICAN): We’re endorsing Brian Abbott, who supported Prop 100 and believes in funding education.
LEGISLATIVE DISTRICT 30 SENATE (REPUBLICAN): If you like a senator who supports kicking poor people off of health-insurance rolls while providing massive tax cuts to Arizona’s wealthiest residents, vote for Frank Antenori. Otherwise, vote for Marian McClure.
This article appears in Aug 19-25, 2010.
Last time we went with our hearts (08, Obama), our candidate won! So go with your hearts and GO GO RABAGO!
And. if by “stronger candidate” you mean the one with the obscenely huge, glossy bank-rolled signs, then yes, the banks are giving Rotellini lots of name recognition! We’ll go with the grassroots candidates any day.
The Zombies will stage a solid challenge to the current Republican “establishment” (not the patrón variety, the hoodlum variety that would be right at home among the Mexican drug cartels if they dared to reveal their intoxication habits). I assume George Romero is available to pep up those revered memories and send them out to eat pretend-pachyderm flesh.
Pretty solid list of endorsements, and I’m in agreement with all but one. I’ll be happy to vote for Dougherty in the General should he get the nomination, but I’m voting for Randy Parraz in the primary. But I’ll have to take a look at 3rd party candidates if Glassman is the nominee.
Rodney Glassman makes me want to vomit. What a slippery politician if ever there was one! I would vote McPain or JD Crookster before Glassman. Can’t get a straight answer from him on ANY issue. When I first met him, I thought I might vote for him. Until I actually started asking him questions that is. Democrats should be ashamed to have him as a candidate, especially since he is really a Republican. Might as well vote for the real republicans.
I am really not impressed with the lot of candidates running in any party. I do like Pat Fleming and Mohur Sidwa has been impressive. If she works as hard in the legislature as she has on her campaign, she deserves to win. The only really strong candidate I can give an enthusiastic endorsement to is Vince Rabago. He did a good job as the Chairman of the Democratic Party in Tucson and since he is no longer in that job, the local party has really gone downhill. I met him a few years ago, and he struck me as an honest and hard-working person. I never heard a bad thing about him over the years. The Phoenix woman, Felicia, has an impressive resume too, but some of the groups backing her make me think she will be another sell-out to the corporate interests over the people. We have had enough of that. My head and my heart go with Vince Ragago.
I’m supporting Randy Parraz too. Let’s see McCain pander to the right against him.
Zombies in Arizona Politics – the concept is genius