Back in the day, the Oakland Raiders employed a sinister strategy to give themselves a competitive advantage. In the early stages of each game, they would commit penalties on every play. The refs working the games would dutifully call each penalty, slowing the game down to a crawl.
After a while, human nature would kick in. The refs would come to realize that, at the current pace, the game would get over at half-past Wednesday. They might miss their flight home and not get back in time for their Monday-Friday gig as a lawyer or a school administrator. So they’d stop calling stuff and the Raiders would keep on committing penalties, but now without any punishment.
Only a week into the new regime, I’m already getting that feeling of fatigue from the steady stream of nonsense and lies (yes, LIES) coming out of the White House. Why, just yesterday, he brought the executive-order hammer down on Mexicans, people who look like Mexicans, people who are related to Mexicans, and, of course, Muslims. All I could think of was Robin Williams in that Saigon bar, saying, “Come on now, if you kick out the gooks, next thing you have to kick out is the chinks, the spics, the spooks and the kikes. Then all you have left is a couple brain-dead rednecks and what fun would that be?”
I’ll admit that it’s wearing me down. For about a half a minute back in November, I thought about doing a daily blog about living in Trump Occupied America, but it’s so hard making fun of him since he does such a good job doing it to himself. So, for the time being, I have decided to look for something closer to home, something less … oh, I don’t know, less-racist and less-stupid than that which is spewing forth in our nation’s capital.
And then, in a moment of serendipity, an engineer friend of mine gave me a booklet about the Catholic cemeteries in and around Tucson. I said, “Oh, hell yeah! That’s certainly more uplifting and fun than Kellyanne Conway could ever be.” (Is that woman a silver-tongued Devil or what? She’s the living embodiment of Richard Pryor’s characters, Pimps on Cocaine—be talkin’ all the time, but don’t be sayin’ sh-t!)
I’ve been listening to her talk for months now and I can honestly swear that I have not heard her answer one direct question with a direct answer. Her powers of deflection are off the charts. In her younger days, she had to have spent some serious time doing that wax on/wax off thing.
Anyway, back to the lighter subject—Tucson’s Catholic cemeteries. This August will mark the 110th anniversary of Holy Hope Cemetery. (I suppose that means that I probably should have written this column in 2007, but life and stuff was going on, so I put it off a little bit.)
As for the questions as to why the booklet even exists and why my friend would have a copy, well, the Lord works in mysterious ways and my friend’s kind of weird. There are some pretty cool facts in the book. Like, real facts, not Republican ones.
For example:
•In the late 1800s, there was a community cemetery at what is now the intersection of Stone Avenue and Speedway Boulevard. These days, on that corner, there’s a park where hard-core stoners hang out. You could find a couple punch lines in there without having to do too much heavy lifting. By the turn of the century, the Catholic section of that burial ground was full, so the Diocese went looking for another place.
They came upon the land that is now Holy Hope (on Oracle, south of Prince, which was way out of town back then). It was adjacent to a huge piece of land that had been purchased by the Tucson Cemeteries Association. (How would you like to be a part of that group? Their Christmas parties must be epic!)
Under the direction of then-Bishop Henry Granjon, the Diocese bought 200 acres, the last 40 acres of which were sold to the Church for $1.
•There’s a big old long story in the booklet about how the place came to be named Holy Hope. As I’ve mentioned in the past, my mother came from Italy, my father came from Ireland, and my wife’s ancestors came from Spain and Mexico, so I consider myself an industrial-strength Catholic. Nevertheless, the story of the Holy Hope name is like one of those sermons that a deacon gives that causes Father John to roll his eyes and check his watch to see if he’s going to be late for the start of the UA baseball game.
•The All Faiths Memorial Park is also mentioned. That place is way out east, just this side of New Mexico. It has places for the interment of Catholics, Jews and Muslims. Fortunately, I’ve only been there once. A friend of mine who was in the process of converting to Islam was at a party and tried to break up a fight. Some clown who had a gun (and no penis) shot my friend in the chest. His family was able to have him buried in the Muslim cemetery.
I might end up in Holy Hope someday. My friend wants to be cremated and have his ashes sprinkled all over Sofia Vergara.
This article appears in Feb 2-8, 2017.
I love how Trump lives rent-free in your head. At least he has plenty of room.
That makes me wonder, CW13, how much you charge Tom?
Tom, you know what wears me down? your non stop racial accusations that are unfounded and the only reason I read your BS is to see what goes on in the mind of someone with your ideals. Let me tell you, it’s nasty and delusional.
Right on Tom. Brad, please explain yourself. I’m lost.
First, please excuse my unnecessary question mark at the end of my previous comment. English teachers should not make punctuation mistakes.
As for the explanation, my comment was simply an attempt to point out that, based on your own somewhat continuous criticism of Tom, he seems to live in your head, making your “clever” critique deliciously ironic.
So, I’ll ask it directly this time. Is Tom living “rent-free in your head” or are you charging? Is it a lease? Rent-to-own, maybe?
” Why, just yesterday, he brought the executive-order hammer down on Mexicans, people who look like Mexicans, people who are related to Mexicans, and, of course, Muslims.”
What? Do you understand his job? It is to protect American citizens. And yours is to promote thought. You have accomplished it.
I thought you were smarter than this.
It’s rent free. The bum couldn’t afford to live in the high rent district. Now I remember you. Last Summer you were going to N.Y.C. Being a veteran of the Big Apple I recommended a pizza joint to you. Did you ever try it ?
Unfortunately, we did not make it. It was near Essex, I believe. We did go to Shopsin’s again at the Essex Street Market and, as always, Joe’s on Carmine. Maybe next time. When I retire, I will spend a year (at least) in New York City. Tell me the name of the place one more time.
As for the other, you may want to consult someone. In Arizona, occupying an otherwise neglected property publically for more than two years gives someone squatter’s rights. You may never get him out.
Have to agree with Tom: “I’ve been listening to her (Conway) talk for months now and I can honestly swear that I have not heard her answer one direct question with a direct answer. Her powers of deflection are off the charts.”
Yeah Tom, but wasn’t that quite the outfit she wore for the inauguration (reminded me of Nixon’s Palace Guards). Eye roll.
But now for the fun part:
Nancy Pelosi spoke – rambled incoherently – at a CNN Town Hall the other evening. The highest ranking septuagenarian white millionaire Democrat managed the impossible. She made Conway appear reasonable and responsive. When questioned repeatedly what WILL the democrats do to fight back against Trump’s ongoing rampage, she empathized wonderfully, offered a mini-me Hillary Clinton brain dump on each issue and then REFUSED TO SAY WHAT THE HELL THE DEMOCRATS HAVE IN MIND. Zilch. Nada. Didn’t even hear the question so prepared was she to strut her policy chops.
The media (including the NYT’s Charles Blow) are now begging “when will the Democrats grow a spine?”
When that manatee in the Yukon runs a four minute mile. That’s when.
That’s funny. I also saw Ms Pelosi at her Town Hall. (By the way, what was the purpose?) She took a question from a bow tied Sanders supporter of about 21 years of age. he urged her to form the alt left and embrace socialism and Bernie Sanders. She informed him that we are a capitalistic economy and are not changing.
But it is evident they are waiting to be led. That makes for dangerous times.
Rizzo’s fine pizza on Clinton near Houston. ( No, not that also-ran Clinton.) Between that and the Essex St. Market you could eat yourself into a coma. I guess I’ll have to evict Tommy. He can always go back home and let his wife support him. Oh, and I caught the neglected property dig.
“Living rent-free in your head.” The analogy that keeps on giving!
I promise to visit Rizzo’s on our next trip.
Evict him. Free yourself. Just think what you could do with that space.
I retired in 2008 at the age of 57 so the last thing I need to do tax my brain or do too much thinking. If I evict him he’ll only go back to sponging off his wife. I figure I’ll give the poor woman a break. If you skip Rizzo’s you are truly depriving yourself of something special. However, be warned. You’ll never eat Tucson pizza again.
Bad Pizza
I had high hopes for lots of good pizza during my recent trip to NYC, but Rizzo’s and another place proved to be huge disappointments. The square pizza seems like a gimmick and there’s almost no cheese at the edge of each square slice. The cheese and sauce were pretty lousy and the crust was just okay. Would not recommend.
Helpful?
We waited 1.5 hours for almost cheeseless pizza. It was pricey and the servers would not serve anyone who came in and stood at the counter, until we all asked to be served. We’ll never eat there again.
The last I ate there was 1984 so I guess a lot can change in 33 years. I know it used to be to die for. Probably new owners. Who knows? I know there are several good pizza joints in the area. I’m sure Brad has to ask a local where they are.
It is time for Tucson Weekly to engage in some “Troll Circumcision”. They, (the people that engage in endless bitch slapping tennis matches) , should be restricted to two comments. One comment , one reply. If they want to play , kissy, kissy, poke , poke, then exchange ph. #s and make a date for some open carry bar. You won’t be missed.
Ask the AZ Star what happened when they did that. Hits dropped and advertisers fled. It’s a numbers game.
What does the Z stand for Zipperhead? Leave to some liberal Troll to want to restrict free speech. Why don’t you get a subscription to the N.Y. Times where you’ll feel right at home with wall to wall liberal bullshit?
Yeah, but what do you really think about the Times and liberals, Al (aka Crazy Wop 13)?