Before we jump into what is certain to be a horrible year, let’s take a quick look back at some of the things that happened in 2016.

ODDLY ENOUGH, EVERY SINGLE ONE OF THEM WAS NAMED TOM AND EACH HAD AT LEAST ONE NIECE OR NEPHEW

A slightly higher percentage of African-Americans voted for Donald Trump than had voted for Mitt Romney in 2012. (Thanks to Jeff Sessions, they will soon find out exactly what it is they have to lose.)

IT WAS ONLY THE THIRD STRANGEST THING SEEN AT THAT LOCATION THAT DAY

A recent headline said that a dismembered body, with the head and genitals cut off, was found behind a WalMart store.

YEAH, BUT IN GILEAD, SHE’LL BE KNOWN AS OFDONALD

In a couple weeks, we will have a First Lady with her own array of online nude photos. Millions of Bubbas will think that this is an upgrade from the Ivy League educated lawyer/health advocate whom Melania will succeed.

IN THEIR YOUNGER DAYS, THEY WERE THE CHILDREN WHO WERE LEFT BEHIND

A recent poll showed that majority of people who voted for Donald Trump (including the handful of college graduates who did so) believes that Trump won the popular vote. (He actually lost by nearly three million votes.)

IT’S LIKE THAT OLD STEVE MARTIN BOOK, “HOW I TURNED A MILLION IN REAL ESTATE INTO $100 CASH

UA quarterback Anu Solomon, who had led the Wildcats to the Pac-12 South championship as a redshirt freshman, suffered through his second consecutive injury-plagued year and announced that he will graduate early and transfer to another school where he can play his senior season.

HE COULDN’T BRING HIMSELF TO PART WITH THE ALLY MILLER DARTBOARD

Retiring Pima County Supervisor Ray Carroll raised some money for charity by auctioning off stuff he found lying around his office. He says he wishes that he could have raised more.

THERE’S A SPOT FOR THEM IN THE NEW TRUMP ADMINISTRATION

Some spoiled (and drunk-ass) rich kids thought it was funny to throw empty beer bottles from the balcony of their high-rise UA-area apartment onto the grounds of the Islamic Center of Tucson below.

YEAH, BUT IT WAS A DRY HEAVE

On Father’s Day of this year, the temperature hit 116 degrees in Tucson. That night, many of us had to watch as the (ugh!) Cleveland Cavaliers won Game 7 of the NBA championship playoffs to win the title over the Golden State Warriors. It was most unpleasant.

I SWEAR I THOUGHT IT WAS THE PUERTO RICO FUNDS

Pima County Sheriff Chris Nanos lost his job to challenger Mark Napier after Nanos’ office was beset by scandal and criminal charges involving the misuse of RICO funds.

MAYBE THEY CAN BRING BACK WHAT’S LEFT OF BEN AFFLECK’S CAREER

The Osiris REx program, being administered by a team from the UA, is sending a spacecraft on a two-year journey to the asteroid Bennu. It will blast a sample of asteroid dust off the rock and return to earth with its booty.

THEIR HUSBANDS TOLD THEM TO

Several women, claiming to be feminists, admitted that they voted for Trump.

MCCLUSKY THOUGHT IT WAS ALL PART OF THE CHINESE CLIMATE-CHANGE HOAX

Pima County Supervisor Sharon Bronson was in danger of drowning when her county vehicle was swept into a culvert during a monster summer storm. Radio talker Shaun McClusky thought that she had faked the whole thing and demanded that she—and not the county—pay for the repair on the vehicle.

IN THE END, SHE GRACIOUSLY MADE THE ANIMAL AN OFFER OF SANCTUARY

While driving a City-owned car, Tucson City Councilwoman Regina Romero was involved in a crash with a deer. The Councilwoman was unhurt, but the car was totaled.

HE WAS SAVING THE TRICK PLAY FOR THE PAC-12 CHAMPIONSHIP GAME

After his Wildcat football team scored a touchdown in the final minute to pull to within one point of national power Washington, Arizona Coach Rich Rodriguez eschewed going for two points and the win, instead opting to kick the extra point and go into overtime. Washington quickly scored to win the game in OT. It was one of eight consecutive Pac-12 losses for the woeful Cats.

MY MAN CRUSH IS PROVEN WORTHY

British actor Hugh Grant has been nominated for several Best Actor awards for his work in Florence Foster Jenkins.

AND SOME UNABASHEDLY GOOD NEWS

• The Amphi High School football team won its conference championship and returned to the State playoffs after a long hiatus. Retired Coach Vern Friedli, who turned 80 on 9/11, will be glad to know that his amazing legacy lives on.

• The UA baseball team made an unlikely run to the College World Series and then came within one game of winning the school’s fourth national championship. First-year coach Jay Johnson had the Cats playing an exciting style of baseball (if such a thing actually exists.)

• And finally, a brand-new Popeye’s Chicken opened up on Campbell near Ft. Lowell Road. This will help to decrease my personal carbon footprint as I will no longer have to drive nearly an hour from where I live to the one on 22nd Street and Kolb Road. However, having one only half as far away will probably also have a significant impact on my actual footprint.

This article appears in Jan 5-11, 2017.

21 replies on “Danehy”

  2. You can piss, moan, and cry all you want. It won’t change a thing.
    Say it loud.
    Say it proud.
    DONALD J. TRUMP.
    President of the United States of America.
    I’ll give you the same advice I gave Mari. Build a bridge and get over it.

  5. “ODDLY ENOUGH, EVERY SINGLE ONE OF THEM WAS NAMED TOM AND EACH HAD AT LEAST ONE NIECE OR NEPHEW”

    There is nothing more racist than a middle aged white guy stereotyping African-Americans into a monolithic set of beliefs and actions that he deems is appropriate for them, and then when they arent steppin’ and fetchin’ the way he wants, hurls racial epithets at those who do not conform to his idea of what is a “proper” or “good” African-American.

  7. “MAYBE THEY CAN BRING BACK WHAT’S LEFT OF BEN AFFLECK’S CAREER”

    Ben Affleck’s last three movies:

    Gone Girl: earned $369,330,363 against a production budget of $61 million

    Batman v Superman – Dawn of Justice earned $873,260,194 against a production budget of $250 million

    The Accountant earned $149.2 million, against a production budget of $44 million

    You are right. His career is in the dumpster. it needs a revival.

    He only earned $46 million in 2016. I am guessing that is a little more than you?

    Do you even have a full time job or is your wife supporting you?

  8. His wife supports him. The sad thing is that he’s proud of it. Tommy Dehaney, what a stooge. I have more pride in my little finger than he’s got in his whole body.

  10. I’ll admit my typing isn’t the best. I doubt that is your real name. How appropriate you choose a whore.

  11. At least it’s official. Obama will be gone Jan 20 and it will be President Trump. Saddle up you little cupcakes, the next eight years are going to be fun. You might actually get a real job this time.

  13. Wait a second, I actually said eight years? My apologies, I meant eight months. The stress of actually having to work for what he views as a measly salary will either kill him or turn him off. I don’t blame him, when your daddy gave you a weekly allowance that equals what the government gives you per year AND you actually have to work for that taxpayer money, that’s got to be a turn off.

    My poor, poor orange king.

  14. Deplorable Dave wrote: “I am a moron”

    Congratulations on completing Step 4.

    Deplorable Dave wrote; “for what he views as a measly salary”

    You realize President Trump is refusing his presidential salary and will only be accepting $1 a year as his compensation right?

    Oops. Sorry. I forgot your first quote in this post. That explains everything.

  16. And $1 per year is less of a measly salary than $400,000 per year?

    Looks like tctw just stole my thunder as the biggest orange king loving moron on this site.

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