People ask me why I despise Donald Trump. I don’t know the man personally (and never want to). But all my life I’ve known too many people like him. Growing up, I didn’t know a whole lot of spoiled rich white kids.
However, I did play summer passing-league football against Mark Harmon (NCIS) back when he was the star quarterback at (ahem) Harvard Prep High School. But he wasn’t a jerk; he was a laid-back, surfer-boy type.
No, Donald Trump is more like the knuckleheads who used to stand on the corner, grabbing their genitals and talking about themselves. In later generations, these guys became rappers whose shtick when like:
“I’m bad! Yeah, I’m bad.
I ain’t done sh-t to make me bad.
I’m just bad ’cause I SAY I’m bad.”
That’s Donald Trump, except he grabs women’s genitals instead of his own.
I honestly don’t understand why people revere him. His is a real riches-to-riches story. He started out with a bunch of money that he got from his pimp grandfather and his slumlord daddy and then he made more money by cheating workers and the government out of their money. How is that great?
As I said last time, he won. He was running for the only elected office in the entire world where the person who gets the most votes doesn’t automatically win. It’s not about getting the most votes; it’s about getting certain votes in certain places. We all knew the rules going in.
So now, for the next four years, America is under his thumb. We will be living in a country where the president and his rabid followers not only are unable to discern the truth, they openly don’t care about the truth. Why, you could have three guys sitting on bar stools in rural Indiana watch Donald Trump rape a chicken on live TV and the first guy would say, “The chicken was probably a liberal and had it coming.”
The second would say, “I know it’s on live TV, but I’m skeptical of the source.”
And the third guy would say, “This will probably help the factory to re-open.”
In the next four years, we’re going to have to adjust to a new, Orwellian reality. Up will mean down, evil will mean good, and Trump will mean intelligent and level-headed. To help out, I’m offering a few vocabulary words that will help us get through.
They include:
• Bannon: That’s what Trump and his lackeys are going to being doing for the next four years—Bannon free speech, Bannon voters rights, Bannon media access…
• Middle-Class Tax Break: A Trump administration handout for those poor souls who are stuck in the nine-number category. They’re not pathetic like those people who only have eight numbers in their bank accounts (like $40,000,000), but they need some serious gub’mint cheese to break into the billionaires’ club,
• Racism: An archaic term, something that doesn’t exist in America any more now that we’ve got one of our own in the White House. Actually, it probably never did exist except in the twisted minds of northern intellectuals. I mean, why would black people stay in the South if they were being mistreated? They don’t want to vote; they want to sing and dance.
The term “racism” should have died out long ago, but it was resurrected so that it could incorrectly be used against people who were exercising their constitutional rights by attacking the previous president because of his skin color (and occasionally because he wanted poor people to get health-care coverage).
• Trump-ematics: A new form of computation that allows one to believe that 62 million votes is actually a larger number than 65 million votes. On paper, it uses a variation of the Sigma notation (∑) that automatically subtracts any votes cast by people who speak Spanish (or who have ancestors who once spoke Spanish).
• Integrity: This is a term built on shifting sand; it’s hard to pin down. What I do know is that the antonym (that means opposite, for those who went to charter schools) is whatever Mitt Romney has been doing since the election. Jeez, dude, you’re making us cringe.
• Drain the Swamp: Apparently, that means throw as many rich white bankers into your cabinet as you can until some of the swamp water spills over the side.
• Idiot: This word hasn’t changed; only the faces that go with it have.
This includes dumb-ass Treasury Secretary-to-be Stephen Mnuchin, who went to Yale but still says things like, “Any tax cuts for the upper class will be offset by less deductions to pay for it.” Anybody who doesn’t know the difference between “less” and “fewer” should demand a refund of his college tuition. Or his prep school tuition. Or retroactively fire the nanny who was raising him while his daddy was getting rich at Goldman Sachs.
• American Idiot: Not the album by Green Day. This refers to the moron in USA Today who wrote (about the attack at Ohio State): “Some of the victims were slashed and others were hit by vehicle. Anti-gun advocates, feel stupid yet?”
Yeah, one guy driving a car and wielding a knife wipes out the tens of thousands of other gutless bastards who used too-readily-available guns to do their dirty work. Idiot.
And to think that the four-year clock hasn’t even started yet.
This article appears in Dec 8-14, 2016.
Why get up in the morning? What a sad sack full of hatred and jealousy
Thanks, Tom, for this amusing and perceptive piece.
Really chuckled over this one: “Anybody who doesn’t know the difference between “less” and “fewer” should demand a refund of his college tuition. Or his prep school tuition. Or retroactively fire the nanny who was raising him while his daddy was getting rich at Goldman Sachs.”
Was this written by a high schooler again?
“This includes dumb-ass Treasury Secretary-to-be Stephen Mnuchin, who went to Yale but still says things like, “Any tax cuts for the upper class will be offset by less deductions to pay for it.” Anybody who doesn’t know the difference between “less” and “fewer” should demand a refund of his college tuition.
LESS
adverb, a compar. of little with least as superl.
1.
to a smaller extent, amount, or degree:
less exact.
2.
most certainly not (often preceded by much or still):
He could barely pay for his own lodging, much less for that of his friend.
3.
in any way different; other:
He is nothing less than a thief.
adjective, a compar. of little with least as superl.
4.
smaller in size, amount, degree, etc.; not so large, great, or much:
less money; less speed.
5.
lower in consideration, rank, or importance:
no less a person than the manager.
6.
fewer:
less than a dozen.
——————————————————————————————————————-
A refund from a college? Really?
Educated elitism rears it’s ugly head again.
And the name calling? That’s collegiate level stuff..
Tom, Again you embarrass yourself by ignoring the truth and repeating inane Democratic factoids.
Hillary lost by millions of votes, but tried to steal her way to the White House in a few of our largest cities the way Democrats have done for fifty years. Now Tom, read slowly and try to interpret the meaning of the failure of the Michigan (Detroit) recount attempt. Read and learn:
http://dailycaller.com/2016/12/05/half-of-… Morning&utm_campaign=TheDC Evening
They can’t recount? Why? Because Election Records don’t match. A million Detroit votes are lost?
The Left is exposing itself by demanding recounts in urban areas where they stole millions of votes.
Unintended consequences, Ms. Stein?
Wah, wah, insult, wah. There’s the Tom we all know. Your buffoon of a corrupt candidate lost. Deal with it.
I too must thank Ms Stein of the Green Party for exposing the democratic election fraud in MI. Do you think we ought to check the other states where Hillary won?
http://observer.com/2016/09/former-democratic-congressional-candidate-says-hillary-stole-nevada/
Have you ever heard such talk?
“Do something to determine who’s going to win” (?)
http://observer.com/2016/10/2006-audio-emerges-of-hillary-clinton-proposing-rigging-palestine-election/
Clintons be gone with you.
Michael Barone-
It’s been a tough decade for the political left. Eight years ago a Time magazine cover portrayed Barack Obama as Franklin Roosevelt, complete with cigarette and holder and a cover line proclaiming “The New New Deal.” A Newsweek cover announced “We Are All Socialists Now.”
Now the cover story is different. Time has just announced, inevitably though a bit begrudgingly, that its Person of the Year for 2016 is Donald Trump. No mention of New Deals or socialism.
http://www.washingtonexaminer.com/the-collapse-of-the-political-left/article/2609139
This is a very insightful article that really defines what the country thinks. And where we are headed.
I am NOT in favor of a recount; none of those Midwest states was close enough to warrant one. I trust the election process. However, denigrating voters in big cities is rather petty. The votes of the farmer in Nebraska and the guy who works at a fast-food place in Downtown L.A. should count exactly the same. And Bill Heuisler, please tell me that you don’t really think that Donald Trump got more popular votes than did Hillary Clinton. He will get more electoral votes and will become President. My candidate lost and I will deal with it. But please don’t repeat that whopper of a lie that the Democrats somehow stole millions of votes. That’s just embarrassing.
You obviously dont know how the Clintons operate. And who does what for them. Donna Brazile eliminated her reputation trying to help them cheat. We will never know the truth about the vote count. But it doesnt matter. The Electoral College rules and he won it.
I have a question for the powers that be at the TW. Why do you allow this blithering idiot to use your paper to show your readers what a total, clueless fool he is? His stupidity is truly mind boggling.
And my vote should have counted for more than the vote of an illegal. That’s what leaves me thinking she did not win the popular vote.
Let’s all support showing pictured ID at the polling places and stop these mail in ballots. Too much possibility of fraud.
Trump can cut a deal with Walgreens for 99 cent pic’d ID cards for the poor.
And do not trade them for cigs or beer!
“none of those Midwest states was close enough to warrant one.”
Tommy Tommy Tommy, a plural(states) followed by was? Wouldn’t “were” be more appropriate?
And Stephen Mnuchin is a dumb ass? Get your request for college refund completed in triplicate (3). They owe you one.
Denigration, meet yourself.
Tom, that “whopper of a lie” about big city theft of votes can be checked out in 2012 Philadelphia for instance (you know, the city with the club-wielding Black Panther poll workers). Obama received over 90% of the 2012 vote in over half Philly’s 66 wards, 99% of the vote in 7 wards and 100% of the vote in 59 Wards. In places like Cook County, Chicago and St. Lucie, Florida there were 10% to 30% more votes cast than there were registered voters. Those Black Panther poll workers had plea-bargained down to a misdemeanor when they were cut loose by the Obama AG Holder’s orders.
Don’t be nave, I’ve got more, but you get the drift. Hell, don’t you remember our own RTA vote where the Elections Administrator admitted switching software to “flip” precinct votes. That was a billion dollar theft.
@What Happened to Common Sense?
Tom Danehy is correct. The “was” refers to “none”, i.e. “not one”, which is singular and which therefore requires a singular verb. Thus: “NONE” (not one) of those Midwest states WAS close enough…”
The President “raping a chicken”?
That’s right Danehick, keep it classy
Sincerely, Danehick Sux
PS — And a hearty slap on the back for yet another name dropping reference from your oh-so-illustrious past (this time to actor Mark Harmon).
Mark Harmon probably knows a loser when he sees one and ignored Tommy. Sorry, Grammar Maven but Tommy was never correct in his life.
Danehy is so proud to be the floating turd in the liberal toilet bowl known as Tucson.
As of December 1st, there have been exactly FOUR documented cases of voter fraud in this year’s election. FOUR. In the entire country. One Iowa woman tried to vote for Donald Trump twice. Some guy in Texas (falsely) claimed that he was working security for the Trump campaign by trying to prove that he could vote more than once. A woman tried to use an absentee ballot to cast a vote in the name of her dead husband and a Florida woman who was actually counting absentee ballots was adding votes for a mayoral candidate of her choice. (There is no evidence that she did anything to the Presidential vote, one way or the other.) Obviously, Bill H. and others have been getting fake news from crap websites like WND. I don’t get it. Your guy is going to be President. He and his people worked the system to perfection. But there is absolutely no doubt that Hillary Clinton will end up with nearly three million more votes than Donald Trump. She will NOT have a majority, but rather a plurality of roughly 48% to 46%. Those are facts, not Breitbart B.S. Why is it so hard to be a gracious winner?
Tom, quit feeding the trolls!
Those savage beasts may rise above your wrist while you’re doing so and remove your hand!
At the very least, Bill Heuisler may threaten you by mentioning that “you better hope that the two of you don’t meet in public”.
Ask Ron Barber about that threat.
Tom, ignorance is an excuse we cognoscenti often allow you, but smearing Breitbart et al borders on blasphemy of the lowest kind. Breitbart was Jewish, you know, and you risk charges of Anti-Semitism from the easily offended. My percentages, numbers and even assumptions about Philadelphia in 2008 and 2012 are well-documented, but hastily excused as mistakes and double-counting by the Enquirer in Philly. There is even a well documented prosecution of the Black Panther poll-thugs. Why did you avoid mentioning the successful but fruitless suit against Pima County’s billion-dollar fraud called RTA where Election officials admitted using software that “flipped” dozens of Precincts and stole thousands of votes that were opposed to the massive Transportation Authority boondoggle? When you prate about documented vote-fraud in the 2016 election you obviously are unaware that these things take time. Are you ashamed of yourself, or just teasing the pitch-fork hoi polloi?
Tommy. You don’t like the system, write your congressman. Never mind. If it don’t pertain to Mexico Raul the Fool ain’t interested.
1960. The Yankees out score the Pirates 55-26. The Pirates won the series 4 games to 3. Why? Because in the world series first team to win 4 games wins.
William Heuisler:
Tin foil hats are on aisle 5. Next to the hemorrhoid cream.
It reads like Breitbart has taken something away from those that consider themselves mainstream. Or did their favoritism and agenda driven laziness cause them to give it away?
Bot four fraudulent votes in the country? Please you are embarrasing yourself. Give the judge in Detroit a call.
Let’s also consider that competition makes everyone better. Why hasnt it worked the the msm?
Danehy gets it right: Hillary Clinton lost the 2016 presidential election in the Electoral College despite winning the popular vote decisively. Glad to hear Danehy, apparently now a recovering Democrat, concede defeat without pointing fingers, making excuses and hoping for, mirabile dictu, a magic reversal in the EC.
The reasons for the Clinton loss are less mysterious than her apologists admit: the voters weren’t buying very old wine in a shapeshifting new plastic bottle. The tone deaf DNC refused to accept the fact that voter “distrust” of Clinton was actually a tepid description of the real issue, many voters actually despised her – and not because of “30 years of attacks” by the far right. The Democrats became lost in the weeds an assuming they could hold on to the coalition of 2008 and 2012 Obama supporters while continuing to neglect the workers – remember them? – who once formed the backbone of the party.
Anyone not blinded by party-sanship should have recognized the incredible, boisterous enthusiasm expressed in the Sanders and Trump rallies meant something really important; that professional politicians are as esteemed as Tom’s chicken rapists. In the end, the shocking spectacle was the Democratic Party imploding while the Republicans formed a national conga line and danced in the streets. Maybe the new Democratic leader, 76 year old millionaire Nancy Pelosi will come to the rescue. And maybe pigs will be spotted flying over the dome of the county courthouse.
And lots of gullible voters bought the horse hockey shoveled by Trump. To those people in Youngstown or Saginaw or Ironwood or Storm Lake, if you believe a draft dodging New York real estate speculator, “reality show” host gives two $hits about your job or your Medicare, or closed factory, you are living in La La Land.
I think it’s you who needs a reality check.
Reality Star
One person’s gullibility is another’s desperation. For those without work, or working multiple jobs to barely make ends meet or barely making ends meet on a salary that hasn’t increased in fifteen years Trump’s message might be seen as at least acknowledging their pain. Demeaning them is, as we’ve seen, a fool’s choice – Hillary’s Deplorables made the only case available to them .
Desperate times often call for desperate measures – Trump’s victory should be understood as a Hail Mary pass by a large segment of the working population with nothing left to lose.
And you base this on what?
Salaries haven’t increased in 15 years? Trump’s has. And his band of Wall Street wizards and Corporate CEOs, in his cabinet, I am sure they were all rewarded by keeping their companies costs low, by moving jobs to China and making sure those in the US kept their wages low. So my premise will remain. Trump caring about Youngstown Steel is zero.
Of course Trump doesn’t care about the workers. The same workers who felt abandoned by the Clinton Gang who as I recall left the White House as virtual paupers and today now are worth hundreds of millions. And Hillary’s “band of Wall Street wizards and Corporate CEOs?” That’s the point. The Trump supporters were grasping at straws, they understood the Dems had written them off as bought and sold long ago.
You mistake my disgust with the Clintons as support for Trump. Not hardly.
Worldwide socialism is on its deathbed. Going green? Its roots are also socialistic.
And there is tge paety of “my rent is too damn high.”
As usual, the comments prove the accuracy of Tom’s words. It is getting really to tell the difference between ignorance and plain stupidity. Even the folks who try to sound half-way reasonable (WH) could be buried in a matchbox after an enema. One still has to wonder why these morons who hate every word in Tom’s weekly rant, continue to read hm religiously. Do they really have this much free time?
Breitbart is graveyard dead and has been for some time now.
Hey Vietnam Vet, what outfit and where? You sound familiar. Breitbart is one of the most popular news sites on the Internet and I’ve known Tom for almost 30 years – consider him a friend.
Why do all of these Danehy haters read him every week as if their religion requires it? Do they have no lives?