HELLO TUCSON:
This is Cliven Bundy, coming to you from Free America. You may have seen me on the news. I’m the one who stood up to the evil federal government and became a folk hero in the process.
That Tom Danehy fella who usually writes this column is off coaching some kids at a track meet. That’s just one of the things that’s wrong with this country. I understand that at those track meet things, not only do they allow the races to mix, but boys and girls also compete right next to each other, causing hormones to rage and … excuse me, I need a glass of water.
I have 14 kids, y’know, and all that talk of hormones got me goin’ there for a minute. I have one boy named Cliven Jr. and three others named Claven, after that genius man on the TV show Cheers. I named one Al after the genius man on that other TV show. And my final two sons are named Cloven because of that genetic malfunction that has been passed down over the generations. (Some people suggested that it has something to do with those atomic bomb tests back in the 1950s, but I assured them that it goes back way further than that.)
It is my understanding that this Danehy guy goes way off the liberal deep end on a regular basis. I personally think it’s because he’s half-Irish and half-Italian. He’s the first green-eyed Italian that I ever saw. That kind of mongrel mix will drive anybody crazy from the inside out.
He said I could tell the people of Tucson my side of the story and they could decide the case on its merits. Danehy says that Tucsonans are, by and large, open-minded, except for somebody named Gabby Saucedo-Mercer. (I could be wrong, but that sounds like another race mixer to me.) He wanted me to state that while I am a kindred spirit of the late David Koresh, I should make it clear that I don’t even like kids in that way. Whatever that means.
First off, I want you to know that I’m a really good American. I believe in the Constitution. I absolutely adore the Second Amendment. As a matter of fact, I’m disappointed that they didn’t use the Third Amendment to put the Second Amendment ahead of the First Amendment. I think deep thoughts like that when I’m out on the open range watching my cows exercise their God-given right to graze on land that other ranchers are stupid enough to pay for. It doesn’t matter that I was getting the use of the land for what amounts to 3 cents on the dollar. The federal government shouldn’t even own land, except for maybe national parks and we have too many of those as it is.
I suppose I have to address the remarks I made to The New York Times. They twisted my meaning, even though the words were recorded. Here’s exactly what I said:
“I want to tell you one more thing about the Negro. (I was in North Las Vegas once, driving past a public-housing project) and in front of that government house the door was usually open and the older people and the kids—and there is always at least a half a dozen people sitting on the porch—they didn’t have nothing to do. They didn’t have nothing for their kids to do. They didn’t have nothing for their young girls to do.
“And because they were basically on government subsidy, so now what do they do? They abort their young children, they put their young men in jail because they never learned how to pick cotton. And I’ve often wondered, are they better off as slaves, picking cotton and having a family life and doing things, or are they better off under government subsidy? They didn’t get no more freedom. They got less freedom.”
I don’t really know why, but for some reason, that riled people. I was just puttin’ to words what most of the people I know think. I’m not all that big on politics, but I coulda sworn that was part of the Republican platform.
Anyway, my plain-spoken truth caused some of those Eastern liberals—like that Rand Paul fella—to go scurryin’ away like the rats that they are. I don’t know why they would have let that Paul guy in my Republican Party.
Some people have even called what I said “despicable.” What they don’t know is that it took me half my life to even learn how to say “Negro.” The original word—I’m pretty sure it’s in the Bible—comes out so much easier.
I’ve also been told that I won’t be Sean Hannity’s best friend anymore. Hannity is Irish; my sainted grandmother once told me that an Irishman is just a Negro turned inside out. I really don’t think that’s possible, but I did see in a movie called Galaxy Quest where they used a transporter to turn somebody inside out. What came out didn’t look Irish or Negro.
Before I go, I want to thank all those Arizona legislators who came and stood with me and my armed posse. You’ve got some good, solid Republicans there in Phoenix. They hate communists and taxes and teachers. That’s what makes America great.
This article appears in May 1-7, 2014.
This makes two guys who shouldn’t be admitted to a Clippers game.
Wow, Cliven annoys me just as much as Tom does. He must be irish too.
Cliven is full of contradictions which nullify his case. He does not recognize the United States government, yet grazes his cattle on federal lands at subsidized prices, WHICH HE REFUSES TO PAY. He criticizes an entire race of people for any government relief or services they may take advantage of (not unlike those who criticize the National Health Care Act while ranting about not cutting Medicare). Not to mention that his nomenclature for African Americans is dated and obsolete, further solidifying his ignorance. I am particularly appalled at his and his supporters cowardice and unmanly willingness to shield themselves against any aggression/violence with their women.
We haven’t even opened the discussion about how our beloved government stole much of what is federal land from the Native American Indians and how this issue might resonate with Mr. Bundy.
I love to criticize our government. I do so by ranting,keeping myself informed, and voting. Yet I consider myself a patriot. I pay taxes, sometimes for issues or policies with which I strongly disagree. Sadly I cannot parcel my tax dollars for my favorite causes. Yet, even in disagreement I make an attempt to consider the greater good for the masses. Bundy is only considering his own cause at the expense of public lands, and potentially at the expense of the women in his and his supporters lives. Folk hero? Are we that desperate for folk heroes? I think not.
Sure, that’s right. We certainly don’t want anyone but blacks to have freedom of speech.
Any thoughts you have of saying what you think, even in a personal phone call, run them by a black first to be sure it is approved.
How can a white man who has a black mistress be considered a racist?
He asked her why she went around with so many blacks. He asked her not to bring so many blacks to the game. He didn’t say why. Maybe he thinks she has a black lover and he is jealous, but it would be hard to hang a racist label on him for that. It seems the blacks are the racists, jumping on anything they can take the wrong way.
The person who has committed a crime is the person who recorded the white man’s private conversation without his permission. Who did that?
Is it against the law to be a racist?
I have read that anyone of any color who says he is not at all racist is not only a racist but a liar as well.
People are prejudiced about many things as a result of their background, upbringing, experiences, etc. But it is no reason to try to ruin a person for what he says in a private conversation, especially when no one knows what he meant by it.
As owner of a basketball team, he pays tens of millions of dollars a year to each player. That doesn’t sound racist to me.
Instead of being trouble makers and haters, why not just sit down and shut up and go about your own business. The media has nothing better to do than try to make a big thing out of nothing and this only encourages people who want to make a big case out of nothing so they can feel important.
PS: As for Mr. Bundy, the federal courts will decide on his issure I suppose, and no doubt the federal courts will decide in their own favor. The basketball team owner didn’t have a day in court. I think it was the NBA that immediately decided on his fate. Maybe they see a chance to force a team sale and some big money will be made.
Could there be a hidden agenda?
Oh, surely not!
kentop……watch what you say about those who are Irish. You may find yourself at the receiving end of an ass whipping.
Tx……nice of you to attempt to make excuses for what appears to be your fellow racists.
LOL!!!!!!!
If I were Kentop I’d consider that a threat.
He DOES have Freedom of Speech. He got to go on TV and spew his hatred and ignorance and didn’t get thrown in jail once. THAT is Freedom of Speech. It doesn’t mean we don’t get to slam what he says. Educate yourselves on the Constitution before claiming it’s not being followed.
He can talk about how Liberalism has gone wrong in this country all he wants. Anyone can see that both parties brought the country to wounded knees by the pursuit of greed, inequality, misappropriation and poor decision making. The common man is not born with any power, it must be fought for. That is just how it is. The systemic problems we are seeing almost mirror Germany pre World War II and you do not have to be a history buff to know what came next. What this country needs is an overhauling from top to bottom. Maybe then we will finally be living up to the ideal we present to the rest of the planet.
Seems some won’t be happy until we are a third world country. Misplaced guilt is imploding our economy.