In an effort to avoid being accused of Scrooge-like symptoms, I have a few complaints to register before the start of the holiday season. I mean, it is Dec. 8; pretty soon, all the stores are going to have Christmas displays and stuff.
1. Could somebody please round up all of the Kardashians and put them on an island somewhere? And not an island with cameras, like “MILF Island” on 30 Rock. I can’t take it anymore.
These three skanky-ass sisters and their skanky-ass mother are charter members of the FFSD Club. FFSD is a term I made up; it means Famous For … (performing a particular act of physical intimacy). That’s all they’re famous for. Well, actually, they get an extra 10 percent fame bonus for being famous about being famous for the FFSD thing.
I understand that there are people out there whose parents were on the crack pipe during conception and pregnancy. Not everybody is meant to watch PBS. I have never watched the Kardashians’ show; I value my intellect, such as it is.
Some might ask how I can criticize that which I’ve never seen. It would be a valid question were it not for the fact that the TV “show” has spilled over into the lives of people whose IQ numbers are higher than the number of teeth in their mouths. The Kardashians are in magazines, on TV news programs and in the newspaper. Make it stop.
As for the very concept of “reality” TV: Does anybody really believe that, knowing that there is a camera in the room, people are behaving just as they would otherwise? The mere act of observing something changes that which is being observed. Someone should mention that to the Kardashians, but I’m betting that the only word they would recognize is “of.” And there’s only a 50-50 chance that, working as a group, they could nail the spelling of “of.”
Now that the furor over the fake-ass 72-day “marriage” is dying down, one of the other sisters is trying to grab headlines by screaming, “Hey, I got knocked up for the second time by a guy who won’t marry me because he’s too busy cheating on me with someone who is quite possibly even skankier than I.”
And how do I know this? Because when I turned on AOL one day last week to look at news headlines, guess what came up? Not the debt crisis in Europe. Not the Santa Ana winds that damaged Southern California. Not the American who got kidnapped in Pakistan. No, the lead story was about one of the Skank Sisters who took time out from performing a particular act of physical intimacy to perform yet another … without protection.
They’re breeding, and perhaps we should all be very afraid.
2. I’m stunned by the reaction that Tucson Weekly editor Jimmy Boegle got when he expressed reservations about the hiring of new UA football coach Rich Rodriguez. At last count, more than 30 people had taken the time to comment online to say, “You’re an idiot. RichRod’s the greatest. Just read some book about Rodriguez’s time at Michigan, and you’ll rethink your entire stance.”
I, too, cringed when they hired Rodriguez. (I would have greatly preferred Mike Leach, who was hired by Washington State.) If you don’t want to call Rodriguez a cheater, then he’s at least a certified rule-breaker. He doesn’t come here with a clean slate, and he hasn’t yet jettisoned his baggage. I’m an Arizona fan; I hope he stays clean and does well. I’ll keep an open mind, but I don’t welcome him with open arms.
3. We all understand that ESPN, in an effort to stay ahead-of-the-curve hip, hires former jocks as talking heads, offering “analysis” and banter. Many of these guys probably didn’t see the inside of many classrooms, so over the course of a day, we can expect to hear “shoulda went” once or twice.
What kills me is when ESPN guys try to use big words when little ones will do the job. The other day, Mark Schlereth, when discussing an underachieving team, kept saying, “This is a prideful group of athletes. This is a prideful team.”
Well, you’re a dolt, Mark. “Prideful” and “proud” mean two different things. Take your overly large paycheck, and buy a dictionary.
4. It’s being reported that there is a drop-off in the number of kids getting vaccinated and, not surprisingly, a resurgence of diseases that had been all but eradicated. Last year, more than 130 kids died of whooping cough. Do you know how many kids should die every year from whooping cough? None. Zero. Ever.
What’s most infuriating is that those parents who are opting out of the supposedly mandatory vaccination programs are an oddball collection of paranoid libertarians and post-hippie health nuts. Many states allow parents to opt out on religious or even philosophical grounds. It’s reported that many of these parents have some college education or even a college degree, which means they learned just enough to know very little.
Vaccinations don’t cause autism; they’re not part of some government conspiracy; and they can make some diseases fade into history. As an American, you have the right to be dumb, but you don’t have the right to be dangerously stupid.
This article appears in Dec 8-14, 2011.
I find myself agreeing with Tom more often than I ever thought I would. I don’t know whether to worry about Tom or about me.
Good column today, Tom.
God damn, Tom. Pretty down and dirty for a guy going to Heaven. Skank sisters, head and other sensitive things. I don’t know how that will sit with St. Peter. I, however am proud of you.
The Kardashians are like medical/drug commercials and TV religion. A curse on anyone who doesn’t glue the remote to their hand and can’t change the Channel fast enough. All the talking heads on the FOX pestwork should be tied to a TV stand and “Drained” by the Kardashians to insure that they never pass on any progeny. The Kardashians picked St. Peter as their Patron Saint, completely misunderstanding what he was the Patron St. of. I personally believe they are the root cause of global warming, and that just with their lips. Maybe that’s where their talent really is. Ho, ho, ho, lets see, one more ho.
Tom, I really think you let the Kardouchians off way too easy.
Until I read Tom’s article, I thought Kardashian was the name of a popular Iranian restaurant. Fortunately, I don’t watch much television because I am too busy and not interested in commercials or hysterical people. After reading Tom tonight, I made it a point to see what Kardashian is and they are indeed skanky looking, to put it mildly.
They look like down on their luck hookers who hang out in bad neighborhoods on the street at traffic lights and ask male drivers if they would like to have something they’ve never had before…..meaning STD, I imagine.
Tom, can you explain why Kardashian appears to be the rage and these chubby, short people named Kardashian make millions of dollars? If we all became skanks and hired pr firms would we all become rich? Could this put an end to unemployment in the US?
Could being a skank end poverty all over America?
The problem is not just Kardashian, it’s the culture of TV itself, which includes sports. Look at the bigger picture, the wide-screen picture. People are obsessed with being a fan of something or someone, and on TV you get Coke commercials thrown at you along with balls. So we get fatter and more lazy, worried about what Kim is doing or our favorite ball player is doing. No difference. Meanwhile, your sports god would swap teams in a skinny minute for more money elsewhere. So how loyal is he to you? Meanwhile, Coke sells more product, besides looking the other way when union organizers against them are murdered overseas, and only pretending to be eco friendly and cute.
The Kardashians, mom and sisters alike, are proof that society NEEDS a dose of judgmentalness (if that’s not a word, I just invented it now). Not just toward relentless fame seekers like them, but toward those who follow the show as though it were important.
AND, the “shoulda went” comment is a most welcome observation. I’ll also mention how funny it is when people use “myself”, in comments like, “Coach spoke to Todd and myself about it.” “Myself” is reflexive. How did these people start using it otherwise?
I agree with Danehy on most things (especially the Kardashians), and I agree that not vaccinating kids is a problem BUT — vaccinations contain mercury, which is one of the most toxic substances in the world. Calling people weirdos for not wanting their children poisoned is ignorant.
There is a lot more mercury in fish than in all your kid’s vaccines. Do you avoid eating fish?
For those of you who don’t believe in vaccinations, I received this from my daughter this morning concerning my grandson:
We took (name) to the doctors and as I suspected he needed to be on a Z pack for help. We were upset because it is optional to vaccinate your child against measles, mumps and chicken pox and we found out that one of his classmates has chicken pox. That family knows about (name’s) immune system, but didn’t call us. I called the school to ask the principal to call us if anything going around the school is contagious since (name) has a compromised immune system and needs to be on something before he gets it. He said, since the family won’t take the kids to the doctors, he can’t confirm it’s chicken pox and then can’t make a public announcement per CDC rules. He will however make an exception for (name). Our pediatrician called Boston to talk to the immunologist to find out if (name) should be on another medication so if he does get the chicken pox, it will be less severe. Waiting to hear back today. His immune system is already low now that he’s sick, and now with chicken pox exposure, he’s at risk even though he was vaccinated, his titers are low.