Yesterday was ash Wednesday, meaning that there are only 46 days left until I can have Popeye’s Chicken again. That’s assuming that Popeye’s will be open on Easter Sunday, which is probably not a smart assumption to make. If it’s not open, it simply means that I will have to wait 47 days. I’ll spend Easter Sunday in a state of grace, using deep-breathing exercises to avoid committing any of the Seven Deadly Sins.

The aforementioned state of grace might be in tatters, seeing as how I will be coming home from Easter Mass, having endured the horde of Christmas/Easter people who show up late with their kids playing video games and eating snacks while the adults take sips from their Hydro Flasks, seeing as how it’s impossible to go 52 minutes in an air-conditioned church without proper hydration. In recent years some priests have preached about showing compassion for the people who show up twice a year. But I’m sorry; I just see them as a Catholic version of the Clampetts. They look at the Baptismal font and think, “Wow, their see-ment pond is tiny.”Popeye’s being closed on Easter Sunday would present a double-edged sword. It could inspire Wrath but, at the same time, prevent Gluttony. I won’t have to worry about Lust, Greed, or Sloth. However, Envy could pop up when I come to realize that, while I’m staring at a plate of ham and mashed potatoes, people in Australia would be eating Monday-morning Popeye’s which, of course, is among the best kind of Popeye’s there is. You’d figure that having done Lent for all these years that it would get easier. I’ve certainly learned from some of my mistakes so at least I’m not making things worse as the years go by. My five toughest Lents have been:

•1978, when I gave up meat and fish. I was the sports editor of the Arizona Daily Wildcat at the time. A guy named Steve Williams was a copy editor. (Yes, that job used to exist. I think about it every time a sportswriter in the morning paper uses “sprung” instead of “sprang” or “rung” instead of “rang” as the past tense of “spring” or “ring.” That stuff drives me nuts!)

So anyway, Steve swore that if I went even a couple weeks without eating meat, I would lose my taste for it and that I would find the smell of cooking meat repulsive. I spent the last five weeks of Lent making voodoo dolls of Steve and when I went to get Communion on Easter Sunday, I wanted to ask if the wafer came with bacon.

•1982, when I gave up soda for the first time. We all know how bad diet soda is for you…blah, blah, blah…but at least it has no calories. I substituted copious amounts of juice for soda and packed on an amazing 18 pounds in 47 days.

•1984, when I gave no soda another shot. I only did so because some companies had come out with low- or no-calorie juice. This time I only gained seven pounds.

•1967, when I thought I would outsmart God by giving up the very-popular Snickers bars (which I have never liked). I made a big deal about giving up Snickers bars. Two days into Lent, I rolled my ankle playing in a pick-up basketball game. Worst pain I’ve ever experienced. And then, for the next several months, the pain just kept on coming every time I stepped on a rock…or a crack or a hair. I decided then that Snickers bars are evil like the apple that Adam ate. And that’s why I have not eaten a Snickers bar since The Summer of Love.

•All of the other years are tied for fifth. Lent just kinda sucks.

What I’ve always thought would be a good idea is to combine Lent with a Secret Santa thing so you could determine other people’s Lenten sacrifices. I realize that doing so would tiptoe up to the Christian definition of Pride, the deadliest of the Deadly Sins. But it’s just for fun, so I emailed Pope Francis to get his permission. He hadn’t gotten back to me by my deadline, but I’m sure it’s okay.

Like, what if you could tell Martha McSally that for the next 46 days, she can’t lick Donald Trump’s boots? She’d be left without a political agenda of any kind.

I’d have UA point guard Nico Mannion give up taking bad shots. For him, “bad shots” means shots.

Everybody involved with the Houston Astros should give up talking, not just for Lent but for the entire season. You’re embarrassing yourselves. If cheating wasn’t going to help you win, why did you cheat?

Token African-American Fox News talker Harris Faulkner should give up eye makeup for Lent. Have you seen her? She wears four pounds of eye shadow and has six-inch-long false eyelashes. If she gave it up for Lent, I could listen to the dumbass stuff she says without having to duck for cover every time she closes her eyes.

And Bernie Sanders? Why don’t you do us all a favor and just give up? Most of us don’t want Donald Trump re-elected but you’re doing all you can to see that that nightmare happens. You might as well be his running mate.

This article appears in Feb 27 – Mar 4, 2020.

20 replies on “Danehy”

  1. Pulitzer Tommy’s 5 toughest Lents. I don’t know who’s dumber. Tommy for thinking anyone gives a shit or the Geekly for printing and paying the fat stooge to write this nonsense.

  3. A message to CW and his alter ego DwD:

    No wonder you’re depressed. If you hate Tom and his articles so much, ignore them. Find something constructive to waste your time with besides making it a point to badger Tom EVERY single week. It’ll probably do your depression a load of good.

  4. A message to gal (sounds right). I love these know it alls like you. Tom just E mailed me yesterday asking if I’d join him in the studio tomorrow. He’s filling in for the regular host. Don’t believe me? listen to kvoi tomorrow between 1 and 2. I’ll be sure to mention you.

  11. Chonies, chonis or chones (whichever spelling you choose) means women’s underwear in Mexican Spanish. Slang? Not sure. But very different from cojones, 13.

    Curious, why are you thanking god when you are assuming 15 isn’t Italian? WTF does that matter? Odd.

  12. Avarice, gluttony, pride, and Sloth. What a fitting tribute the Bruce Ash show is to the power of circular moronics. Fitting that ya’ll be on talk radio, the last bastion of the bigot and inept.

    Bless your heart, that you’re just so proud.

    It would be funnier if it weren’t so sad.

  14. Classic Lying Racist Misogynist Tom Danehy.

    He doubles down on Harris Faulkner with a racial slur and then objectifies her as woman.

    Complete this phrase: All African-Americans are/do/eat/play/are good at ____. If you fill in the blank you are racist using racial stereotypes.

    But Racist Tom expects all African-Americans to be monolithic in their beliefs as in: All African-Americans must believe _____.

    But if any African-American doesn’t believe what Tom Danahy wants them to believe and steps off of Tom Danehys plantation and dares to have a political view different from his, automatically gets branded as an Uncle Tom or a Token.

    There is nothing more racist than to expect individual people of a racial group to believe the same thing.

    Not only that, Racist Tom is claiming that the only reason Harris Faulkner has attained her position is because of her race (She is a token black girl on Fox) and not because of her abilities and accomplishments.

    Harris Faulkner has received 6 Emmy awards (How many Emmy’s do you have Tom?). She has worked in many markets much larger than Tucson, before landing at Fox News.

    Meanwhile, Racist Tom Danehy has never really had a real full time job, nor moved out of the Tucson market. Think there is a little/lot of envy about an African-American woman that has accomplished much more than what he could not?

    Next Misogynist Tom comments about Harris Faulkners looks: Harris Faulkner should give up eye makeup for Lent. Have you seen her? She wears four pounds of eye shadow and has six-inch-long false eyelashes.

    Good job of objectifying women based upon their looks.

    By objectifying Harris Faulkner based upon her looks, he is preoccupied with and placing more importance on her looks and sexual value (according to his preferences) than who she is as a human being.

    He believes that women (Harris Faulkner) exist to satisfy his needs/desires of beauty.

    Misogynist Toms attitude causes women to become preoccupied with their physical appearance, which leads to negative emotions such as shame, anger, anxiety, and embarrassment.

    Hey Tucson Weekly (Jim Nintzel), are you going to continue to allow an unashamed racist and misogynist to continue to write for your paper? (Two weeks ago he called an Asian woman a Mail Order Bride).

    Come on Jim Nintzel. Step up. Defend your boy.

    Jim Nintzel (Jimnintzel@gmail.com)

  16. I listened to the show live. You held your own. It was interesting to to put a voice to the posts.

    You and Eb let Racist Tommy off too easy with his oft repeated lie “Not all Trump voters are racists but all racists vote for Trump”.

    The Nation of Islam, The New Black Panther Party, UnidosUS (the former La Raza Unida), The Brown Berets, The Nation of Aztlan, MEChA, and any other Aztlan Reconquista group.

    None of them are voting for Trump, or in Tommy’s world is it only Caucasians that can be racist?

  17. Thanks for listening. After meeting Tom it didn’t take me long to figure that he has a huge case of TDS,so why bother. I could have made my case, but it would have fallen on deaf ears.
    When Eb started about the economy or I mentioned the truce with the Taliban, Tom quickly changed the topic. All in all, it was an enjoyable hour.

  19. Zero.

    I forgot the most obvious example of a racist who won’t vote for President Trump.

    Lying Tommy.

    Lying Tommy is a racist and he will not be voting for President Trump. So much for his made up aphorism.

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