Time to send off a bit of correspondence:
• Dear Channel 9 News:
What did I ever do to you? Why are you actively chasing me away?
I’ll admit that on those rare occasions when I have the remote control, I tend to channel surf the 10 p.m. news, especially when the lead story is something like a firefighter who found a three-legged turtle hanging around the station. I’m sorry; I prefer real news. But when my way-better half has the remote, she puts it on one channel and then just leaves it there.
This summer, for some unknown reason, my wife gravitated to Channel 9. Maybe it was all those precious shots of Guy Atchley’s grandson. (That’s sarcasm.)
Even though it was summertime (when the livin’ is easy and the sports are boring as all hell), I still wanted to get some scores. After Erica Weston left for a job in St. Louis, Jason Barr had to handle the sports stuff all by himself. That couldn’t have been fun, but it was still only summertime.
So, one night, the news is on. I glance over at the clock. It’s 10:28 and the sports segment still hasn’t come on. They come back from the commercial break and sign off. Really?! I shrugged it off. But then it happened again. And again. One night, instead of showing the sports, we were treated to weather announcer Erin Christiansen, in a dress, doing push-ups on the studio floor.
Yeah, Erin said it would…be freakin’ weird! It was impressive, but all I wanted was the Diamondbacks score.
So, your Orwellian stunt of a local newscast without sports has effectively run us off. Let me know if you ever come back to being American.
• Dear Unnamed Relative:
People say stupid stuff on the internet all the time. Apparently, when Al Gore invented the internet, he did so in order to allow people who aren’t as smart as he is to have a forum in which to say stupid things. But just because you can say stupid things doesn’t mean that you should.
Somebody sent me one of your posts the other day on which you identified yourself as a “pet parent.” Stop it right now! You have a college degree, for crying out loud. It might be in psychology or something else useless, but it’s from an actual university, not from a charter school or something. You cannot be an animal’s parent; the Island of Dr. Moreau is a fictional place.
Plus, you’re married. You know that activity in which you and your spouse sometimes engage? That’s how you can become a parent. Now, if y’all don’t want to have actual children, that’s your choice. But you can’t go to the animal shelter and then suddenly claim that you’re a parent. All that does is add to the overall dumbass-ery of our country, which is currently in serious intellectual decline, starting at the top.
I understand if you don’t want to say that you “own” your pet. If you want to refer to it as your animal companion, that’s cool. But it ain’t your damn kid.
And, unfortunately, it’s not just you. I was at the store the other day, and I saw a car with a bumper sticker that read “Ask Me About My Grand-dogs.” No, I should ask you about your medication.
P.S. While doing a little research for this column, I saw the bio for Lisa Villegas, the woman who does the weather for Channel 13. To her credit, she has never done push-ups on the air, although she probably could. And the other night, on a live remote, she said two complete sentences in a row without reading stuff off her phone. (That’s actually relatively impressive in this day and age of local TV news.)
Alas, on her bio, it says “(Lisa) is also proud mom to Biscuit, her beloved Chihuahua…” No, she’s not.
• Dear Congresswoman Martha McSellout:
What the hell, Dude? I remember when you first started in politics. You used to be on Emil Franzi’s radio show all the time. You were wrong about a lot of stuff, but I just attributed that to your having inhaled too much jet-fuel fumes. But you seemed decent and relatively open-minded. While in the military, you took some brave stances and actions that advanced the cause of women.
And now you’ve gone Full Frontal Trump.
We all know how politics works. You’re in a tough primary, and you feel the need to outflank on the right your two opponents—Kelli (Psycho) Ward and former Maricopa County Sheriff Joe Just Plain Psycho. But you could do that without cozying up to a cretin who is openly hostile to women and minorities.
I used to think it was dumb for Arizona to hold its primary elections so close to the general. This time, I’m going to enjoy watching you try to pivot back toward the center in an effort to win the independents.
You know what? You can be all in on the wall and stronger borders and more deportations, but you don’t have to mimic the words and actions of an openly sexist pig. Shame on you. And if I ever have the occasion to see you again face-to-face, those will be the first three words out of my mouth.
This article appears in Aug 2-8, 2018.
Somebody seems a little cranky today. At least he can admit to fake news.
Totally agree on the dog-parent stuff. People. Please. Stop. They’re cute and all but having a dog doesn’t make you a parent.
My son’s dog is my granddaughter. Don’t let it bother you. Many animal owners are better parents than mothers & fathers of actual biological babies.
I’ll still vote for her over the others, but completely agree with you on McSally’s “Trump cozying”. Sad.
Has there EVER been a local news station that didn’t hire Ted Baxter wannabes? Even former “Educational Television” KUAZ has reporters who admit they grew up ignorant & will therefore continue to misinform their audience. I was at least pleased to see KVOA’s Stephanie Weaver work on improving her pronunciation. Any attempt like that is unique in local TV news.
Nobody is anybody’s “Dog Parent!” That is got to be one of the stupidest term that’s been nade up. It’s an insult to dogs. They have a pack mentality; not a parent child one. Birthday parties, clothes it’s just delusional. Did you not get the baby doll for Christmas that you wanted, and now you are substituting your dog?
Dogs are companions. You take care of their basic needs, attention, food water shelter health.
Lot’s of dogs want to do things. K9 police dogs, bomb drug sniffing dogs, Real service dogs, seeing eye dogs. Compassion dogs. They have lots of talents. Don’t sell them short by babying them.
Fuuny thing is , I’ve seen some of those “dog-parents” turn tbem into horrible tempered snappy
Little “Dog Children” tbank goodness they aren’t real parents after all!
Spot on. Can’t believe you were willing to take on dog nation.
The Martha McSellout sycophancy is my pet peeve. She is supporting Trump who wants to build “The Wall”. Everybody will refer to it as “Trump’s Wall”. Price quotes are in the low BILLIONS but it will cost 20 BILLION. My question is how the government can find money for trans-continental walls, two new Presidential Jets, and 30% pay raises for the military while Health Care, Social Security and Education get pushed to the back of the room like ugly step-children. If you are receiving Medicare, Medicaid, or Social Security, and you vote for Martha McSally, I hope you remember this warning when they cut your benefits and health care to the bone and you worry constantly how you are going to survive.
Martha McSally is a sellout to her gender, her military career & to her country. Why? Shes not concerned about tRumps character.
Psychology is actually quite useful in explaining “pup parent” behavior. Maternal behavior towards dogs can be helpful but usually it gets out of hand and the molly coddling, baby talking, and over feeding is harmful to the dog. It starts to see itself as a human and not as a dog which leads it to bad behaviors like being vicious to other dogs and snapping and growling when it feels that it is being ignored. It was only a few years ago that the Oxford dictionary added the term “fur baby”. It is a nasty trend that should be discouraged.
My earlier comment was about Martha McSellout but my concern is that ALL Republicans are of the same mind as Mcsellout and Trump. The Trump TAX GIVEAWAY was the first step.Republicans have an ally in Trump because he is ready to sign into law any program that the Republicans conceive. By bankrupting the Federal Government Trump and the Republicans hope to destroy all social programs under government control Get ready for your Social Security, Medicare, and Medicaid to fail. Republicans have been looking for a way to do this for decades and they have finally found someone without an ounce of conscience and would gladly subject our mothers, fathers, and babies to starvation and untimely death. I have never in all my years see a man with absolutely NO compassion but we have it now in Donald Trump. The only problem is I have never lived anywhere but the United States and there’s no safe haven to run to. Are the voters of this nation so devoid of intelligence that they would vote against their own interest and that of their children and continue to elect Republicans who have repeatedly given all of their support to the wealthy while giving lip service to the middle class and the poor.
In my opinion, “Martha McSellout” has always been given more credit than she deserved. When she took “brave stances and actions that advanced the cause of women,” while in the military, every single one of those actions DIRECTLY benefitted her and only benefitted other women as a by-product. Once she became a Congresswoman, how many “brave stances and actions that advanced the cause of women” has she taken?
McSally now slathers after Trump, because she sees a tremendous future political opportunity for herself by doing it. She does NOT represent the majority of her constituents. Just take a look at the names of the people she appointed to her transition team when she was elected or at who her major donors and ‘advisors’ were/are and you’ll get a good idea who she REALLY represents. She will continue to kiss up to Trump while pandering to developers, corporations, and top earners at the expense of the middle class.
Erin was the only reason we could bear to watch 9 and now shes gone.
Tom should google Villegas.