I’ve been an Arizonan most of my life. I grew up in Southern
California, and Arizona always held a certain mystique for
me—wide-open spaces, a certain raw energy and a promise for the
future. When I was in high school, one of my teachers brought a stack
of Arizona Highways magazines for us to look at. I’m not a
nature guy (or a photography guy, either), but I thought it was
amazing.
I remember sitting next to one of my knucklehead tennis teammates.
(Yeah, I played tennis, too; so what? My older sisters made me learn
how so we could play doubles.) He said, “Why don’t they have a
California Highways?” I thought, “What an idiot!” OK, here’s
a picture of gridlock near San Jose. Here’s an aerial shot of Dodger
Stadium where the game is in the third inning, and two-thirds of the
paying customers are still on the Hollywood Freeway. Oh, and here’s a
nifty shot from Chula Vista. If you look beyond all those people who
are climbing over that fence, you can see the studios where Wolfman
Jack does his nightly 500,000-watt radio broadcast.
When I was offered a scholarship to play basketball in Arizona
(albeit at a juco down on the Mexican border), I jumped at the
opportunity. Well, maybe “jumped” is too strong of a word here, but I
reached for it with all my might. Within the first few days in Arizona
(in the heat of summer), I knew this was the place for me.
Over the years, I’ve been proud to call myself an Arizonan. There’s
a certain cachet to it. You bump into somebody back East and tell them
that you’re from Arizona, and their eyes light up. “Oh, I love Arizona!
Have you ever been to Sedona?”
To which the answer is, “No, Sen. McCain. I can’t afford it.”
To be sure, there have been times when it was not so cool to be
identified with Arizona. There was the “no MLK holiday” era, punctuated
by Evan Mecham’s tenure in the governor’s office. I told my
out-of-state friends that we were going through a brief period of
R.I.P. (Rednecks In Power).
Still, I have been mostly proud to be called an Arizonan. These days
… I’m not quite as proud.
First off, there is the (seen-around-the-world) disturbing image of
that jackoff who showed up outside the building where President Obama
was addressing the Veterans of Foreign Wars convention. The idiot was
armed with a handgun on his hip and some big-ass semi-automatic thing
across his back. Dude, all that hardware still ain’t gonna make you
feel any power between your legs.
After the fact, they claimed it was just a publicity stunt, but who
would do such a thing, and why? Get some Poindexter-lookin’ black guy;
dress him up like a Mormon on a mission; and have him strut around
outside a presidential speech with guns … what could possibly be the
point?
A couple of gun nuts wrote to The Arizona Republic and said
that they openly carry guns in public because they can. Really? I can
piss in my backyard any time I want, but I don’t, mostly because my
parents weren’t related to each other before they got married. Just
because you can do something doesn’t mean you should.
I wish that guy’s mom had shown up and smacked him upside his fat
head. You know, just as a publicity stunt.
Even well-known local gun fetishist Emil Franzi (my radio co-host)
doesn’t see why somebody would do something like that. Emil was born in
the 1940s. Seven of the first nine presidents in his lifetime were shot
at, shot and wounded or killed, or became president at least in part
because of gun violence. Seventy-seven percent is a pretty crappy stat
for a democratic country that is supposed to be the beacon of freedom
for the entire world and one in which some of its citizens claim that
their gun ownership guarantees that freedom.
I’m sorry, there’s just no good reason for somebody to take a gun to
a presidential appearance. None.
Almost infinitely more embarrassing than that clown is Arizona’s
criminally inept state Legislature. At press time, the Senate still
hadn’t delivered a viable state budget. By law, they’re supposed to do
it by June, and we’re coming up on Labor Day. And it’s not like it’s
political gridlock: Republicans control everything, except their urges
to kiss Grover Norquist’s ass.
They all want to run for re-election while being able to claim they
didn’t raise taxes—even while Arizona burned. There’s just so
much political posturing going on that it looks like a yoga class for
really out-of-shape white people.
And finally, a hearty boo to State Sen. Al Melvin. I mentioned
recently that he introduced a bill making it illegal to text while
driving. Astonishingly, it didn’t pass. In the same column, I said that
the feds are considering withholding federal highways funds to states
that don’t pass such a bill in the near future. Turns out Captain Al is
against that, because of “states’ rights.” That’s the catch-all that,
among other things, allowed some people to own other people for the
first century of our country’s existence.
Whoever makes texting while driving illegal, good for them. I’m not
all that particular regarding which government entity saves my
life.
This article appears in Aug 27 – Sep 2, 2009.
“I wish that guy’s mom had shown up and smacked him upside his fat head. You know, just as a publicity stunt.”
———– You know, just because she could.
I swear that guy had to be a plant from the hopolophobes. Otherwise, he would be too stupid to tie that tie.
Good article in a recent Car and Driver mag comparing the effects of texting and alcohol on driving reaction times. Didn’t memorize the numbers, but texting reactions were over five times slower.
this is a good one, tom. fuckers that show up with guns are daring the rest of us. how dare they? they push too far, some of us reasonable motherfuckers might take them up on their challenge. but the ultimate question is “why the challenge? you want to fucking go, or what? and if so, why do you need a gun, you fucking pussies?”
The media gave the guy what he was seeking, attention.
Hey, it was Phoenix, aka the redneck roundup. What else would you expect? Thank God I live in Tucson.
The are the people that are going to get everyone’s guns taken away
I can not disagree more.
First off, I’m glad you mentioned you were from California through High School, this explains your misunderstanding of firearms and Arizona. I grew up in the desert and firearms were a way of life. By the time most of us were 12, we had been through an NRA safety course and had shot several rounds with our folks. But since you were in California in your earlier years, I can’t fault your flawed California thinking, you just don’t know any better.
As for the man who brought his firearms to the OUTSIDE of an event, he was within his legal right to do so. His firearms were in plain sight, hung over his back pointing to the ground or holstered in a non-threatening way. He wasn’t the only one either. He was exercising a right within our Constitution. When you don’t exercise your rights, you lose them. If the 2nd ammendment is outlawed, it wouldn’t be long before the other ammendments could be FORCED out.
Since when is it acceptable to ridicule Arizona citizens who dare to protect our state laws and Constitutional rights? This is a good thing. I do not try to take away your right to voice your opinion on such matters, (which is protected by the same document) although I find it harmful and shameful as you see those who own guns as doing so for what’s “between their legs”. You have learned nothing when it comes to what it means to be from Arizona.
Your views may presently be the mainstream with so many transplants, but it is not the views of those of us who grew up here over 45 years ago. Firearms have their place and when someone is hostile to them or those who own them, it is time to make the public aware of how far we have drifted from a basic right to bear arms and the restriction other states pass while their subjects rejoice in a false safety.
C McCrary — that’s my big concern. Bunch of guys with guns show up at the VFW, so at the next event that bunch shows up again with guns, but so does a bunch of pissed-off gun owners on the other side. Given that the Rethugs in the Legislature made it legal to brandish your penisgun if you feel the slightest bit threatened, plus the pushing and shoving matches that start, sooner or later one twat or another is going to pull, and the result is going to be something the bystanders regret (mainly because these idiots probably can’t shoot straight.)
Having a repeat of the Gunfight At The OK Corral is what the controlling forces want, though — they’ll blame Democrats for it, and delight in the distraction.
envoy-ette, the gunslingers at the VFW were rounded up and sent in by the guy that used to do PR for the Viper Militia and Viper Reserves. It wasn’t an expression of rights, it was a dare and an attempt at disruption, and it was meant to pull press away from the President — unfortunately for the teabaggers and their ilk, what it actually achieved was making gun owners look like complete nuts determined to commit suicide by cop (thank you Phoenix PD and the Secret Service for showing restraint and not giving the yahoos one more thing to howler monkey about) and made Arizona look bad all over again — in a lot of folks’ minds now Arizona’s taken the Wingnut Central title away from Montana.
Good job, that!
What can you expect from Arizonans? Tom has the good sense to be disgusted by Arizona. Who would be drawn to live in a state that is known only for a big hole, redneck gun-toting morons, State wild life agency murdering the last jaguar in N. America, stupid Republican politicians (or both parties) and of course sickening heat that sucks Arizonans’ brains out. As well as the sick Arizona economy.
Even Kansas can’t boast all the minuses of Arizona.
Congratuations Arizonans for being the best at being the worse. Hunter S. Thompson was right, “just because you haven’t been murdered in Arizona doesn’t mean you aren’t going to be, it just means they haven’t gotten around to you yet.
Jesse
Please don’t take story ideas from Arthur Frommer….you’re better than that. Also, Azrat is right, but the fact that the media didn’t show his face & tried to make it into a racist situation just proved how devious some of them can be.
The carpetbaggers have overtaken our state government.