Dear Mexican: I’m a civil rights lawyer. I sue the San Diego Minutemen. Whenever the Minutemen are accused of being racist, they always say something like, “I’m part-Hispanic,” or they’ll note that some of their fellow members are Mexican. This last claim is actually true. Some of the most zealous Minutemen are actually Mexican Americans. I’m 100 percent Irish. I don’t understand why the Mexican members of the Minutemen can associate themselves with a group that is so obviously racist.
Mick Who Likes Spics
Dear Mick: Gracias for legally sparring with the vilest section of the Minuteman movement, but you gotta give us Mexis some credit. Just like micks became some of the most racist, corrupt pogue mahones in America, Mexicans can also hate their recently arrived brethren—it’s called assimilation, and it’s inevitable in this country for even the dumbest mojado.
And just like micks can be stupid, so can Mexicans. A recent Arizona State University study showed that 81 percent of registered Latino voters in the Copper State oppose SB 1070—the overwhelming majority of la raza—but that still leaves 19 percent of Arizonan wabs supporting or possibly supporting a measure that would have them kicked across the Sonoran Desert in a heartbeat. You’ll have to ask each of those voters to explain their irrationality, but I’m happy that they exist—it shows the Know Nothings that Mexicans don’t just reside in one political prism and are actually, you know, human.
As for the Know Nothings trotting out tokens or claiming they can’t possibly be racist because they’re “Hispanic”: It’s both an appeal to authority and appeal to sympathy, logical fallacies that only the dumbest pendejos use. Like the San Diego Minutemen!
(Quick aside: Ever notice how racists can never bring themselves to utter “Latino” when lamely trying to pass themselves off as moderate?)
The supermarket in my predominantly Mexican neighborhood has an astonishingly large inventory of douches. What gives with the douche fixation?
La Gringa
Dear Gabacha: Tú sabes—backward, warped views of human anatomy influenced by culture and religion. The 2006 study “Vaginal Douches and Other Feminine Hygiene Products: Women’s Practices and Perceptions of Product Safety,” published in Maternal and Child Health Journal, found 15 percent of Hispanic (there’s that word again!) women douche, compared with 9.1 percent of gabachas. But the two groups don’t come close to the percentage of their negrita sisters who douche: 27.7 pinche percent.
The same journal published another study in 2008, “Vaginal Douching Among Latina Immigrants,” which tracked the same douching rates for mexicanas. Both cited the reasons I gave, while the U.S. Department of Health and Human Services opines that most women who douche do it to try to eliminate vaginal odors and prevent pregnancies and sexually transmitted diseases.
Almost all of the science shows that douching is about as healthy for a woman’s panocha as Tapatío, so Gringa: Por favor, educate your Mexi hermanas about the risks. And, while you’re at it, can you remind them to use protection during sex, especially the younger ones?
Why do Mexicans swim in the ocean with their clothes on? I mean, denim?!
Vicente Fox’s Mustache
Dear Pochos: This is by far the most-asked question in ¡Ask a Mexican! history. So, to todos ustedes, I have my own question: Are you all brown-and-chubby chasers? According to a 2003 study by the Organization for Economic Cooperation and Development, 24 percent of Mexico’s population is overweight. That’s the second-highest obesity rate in the world, following—wait for it—¡los Estados Unidos! Unlike gabachos, Mexicans respect the public when it comes to flashing our flabby chichis, pompis and cerveza guts. It ain’t Catholicism, machismo, or an homage to our swim across the Rio Grande; it’s just good manners.
Ask the Mexican at themexican@askamexican.net; be his fan on Facebook; follow him on Twitter; or ask him a video question at youtube.com/askamexicano!
This article appears in Jun 17-23, 2010.
why is always ‘racism’ with you buddy…..why not….’those who oppose illegal immigration don’t appreciate millions of unskilled, uneducated laborers pouring across our border changing our way of life without us wanting that change’.
do a poll….would you prefer to mow your own lawn, or be forced to learn spanish and pay for 10s of millions of hateful anchor babies….
pretty sure we can guess the results.
Richard, Richard. Take a deep breath then try thinking with your brain instead of your RED NECK!
I’m originally from Arizona born and raised and now live in Alabama. You want to see racism come here and see how Hispanics are treated. You would think the Gestapo and KGB got together for a reunion. The same people who bitch and moan about illegal immigration would have a stroke if they had to pay 50% more for their produce that they shove in their pie holes everyday and the same increase in housing cost due to american workers wanting top dollar for the cheap cookie cutter homes being put on the market in Tucson and Phoenix especially. Keep up the good work and put those racist and self hating Mexicans out there on blast
No quiero taco bell.
Wanting to protect the border and your nation’s sovereignty is not racist.
Hypothetical question: if the majority of illegal entrants were white and from somewhere like Belgium rather than Mexico, would we see the same level of outrage against SB1070 and other proposed anti-illegal immigrant legislation from the Latinos? Of course not. Now who’s the racist?
If you want to see some immigrants truly being treated poorly, head to Mexico’s other border and look at how your countrymen are treating Guatemalans coming up from the south. They are routinely beaten, raped, robbed and murdered by the same country that wants to vilify our border patrol for simply protecting themselves.
Whether you are for or against SB1070, the basis of a democracy is that we have the freedom of choice and the ability to make decisions in regards to our social structure and the laws that we live by. These are decided by a majority of the citizens. Respecting the majority rule may be difficult at times but as a free society we must respect the process, put away the name calling and make changes through education and cooperation. The American system of government, while not always flawless, has through out our history prevented small anarchist and radical groups from pushing their agendas and we as a people have come along way toward equality and civil rights. The beauty is that historically main stream America usually comes around and makes the most humanitarian decisions. I must say, that throwing temper tantrums, calling for boycotting and legal action because a particular side was not in the majority, goes against the established order of our democratic society. So let us all take a deep breath and when both sides begin to reach out with a little respect and compromise we just may find a solution the border and immigration debacle, because as we now are experiencing, it is in the hands of the American people where it should be. Now what we as a nation do with it is up to us all.
Living on the border… Do you think that the Civil War was a democratic process? It was an act of attrition that freed th e slaves from tyranny. Now, do you see the act of military personnel waging war against unarmed migrants an action in favor freedom?