Ask a Mexican!

Dear Mexican: Why do beaners or gabachos deliberately try
to ignore white people and act like they’re not there? Or when you’re
walking by, why do the lady beaners laugh so hard with a repulsive fake
laugh that makes you want to just punch them? Not only I have noticed
this; a lot of other people say the same thing. Is it their secret way
of saying, “Hey, notice me; I can have fun too!” It’s just plain,
right-out rude, and I wish these gabachos and beaner girls would
stop with that extra-loud fake irritating laugh. Why do you think they
do this all the time? Please help!

Too Outraged Near The Ocean

Dear TONTO: You know why the ladies laugh at you? Because you don’t
know the difference between a beaner and a gabacho. Shit, even
Lou Dobbs knows the difference, and he’s about as sharp as the edge of
a tortilla.

I’ve recently been told that I am scary—not once, but
multiple times by different gabachos. The thing is, I’ve never
considered myself intimidating, but I have found that I need to be very
confident in what I say in order to just get people to listen to what I
have to say.

Maybe a little background will help: I recently received a
doctorate in molecular biology, and I was the only Mexican in the
program. To date, I’m no. 2 to come into the program in the past six
years. Anyway, I was a little unsure of myself and was always looking
for approval from my thesis committee. When I stopped seeking their
approval and started to challenge them on everything they said, I
started earning their respect. Now when I interact with others in my
workplace, I’m confident and exacting in my questioning, but somehow,
this has translated into people being intimidated by me.

I have to wonder—is it the brown skin that scares them
more? I see others who are no different than me acting the same way and
not having this problem. So, my question to you is this: Since you
put gabachos in their place on a daily basis by calling them on
what they say and hitting them with facts that are hard to argue with,
are you considered intimidating by your brethren gabachos in the
pressroom?

El Einstein

Dear Wab: The current batch of gabachos around me? They’re my
pasty hermanos. The previous bola? Gotta comprar my bio, Orange County: A Personal History, for all the
chisme.

Also, check out bastadobbs.com for more info on the campaign to tell CNN that the alternately
hilarious/cringe-inducing Latinos in America was a mere
quota-fulfiller that allows them to justify keeping that lying gasbag
on the air.

On to usted: I’m not sure que piensas lo que your
problem is. You’re not alleging discrimination, but rather that you
think you intimidate others. What’s the problem with that? Yes, you’re
as rare in your field as the truth on Lou Dobbs Tonight, but get
over that: You made it. Camina proud. Take the nervousness of
colleagues as proof of your chingón-ness, and leave the
whining to Dobbs.

Don Hernando de Alvarado Tezozómoc was the grandson of
Montezuma and the author of Crónica Mexicayotl. My
question is: Are there any living pretenders to the Tenochtitlan throne
who can credibly document their ancestry to Montezuma?

Royally Intrigued

Dear Gabacho: None that I know of, and even if there was, they’re
wrong: The last true, nonconquistador puppet tlatoani of the
Aztec empire was Cuauhtémoc, and he left no verifiable
descendants. The grand martyr of the Mexica, however, did leave a
message to future generations: “¡BASTADOBBS.COM!”

Ask the Mexican at themexican@askamexican.net,
myspace.com/ocwab or facebook.com/garellano; find him on Twitter;
or write via snail mail at: Gustavo Arellano, P.O. Box 1433, Anaheim,
CA 92815-1433!

This article appears in Nov 5-11, 2009.