Why do Mexicans make the sign of mucho dinero with a gap
between their thumb and index fingers, as if holding an imaginary wad
of bills between both fingers?

El Zorro Chupagringos

Dear Gabacho-Sucking Fox: Because if a pendejo like you can
get what the gesture means, imagine us normal folks.

Why do Mexicans who come into money become rude and conceited
like their caca doesn’t smell?

El Hijo del Pueblo

Dear Wab: The same reason gabachos do. We do assimilate sometimes, you know.

This Irishman living in Denver has asked many Mexicans why Estados Unidos is abbreviated in Spanish as EE.UU instead of E.U. No
one seems to know. I even e-mailed the question to a couple of friends
in Costa Rica for Christmas. The doubled-up abbreviation gives me that
queasy double-vision sensation I get from mixing too many pints of
black Irish stout with fine gold tequila.

El Irlandés

Dear Mick: Why are you bothering Costa Ricans with intellectual
queries? All ticos are good for is creating a stable state in
the middle of banana republics. The answer is simultaneously simple and
stupid: grammar. Spanish grammar rules dictate acronyms for plurals get
a double-dose of letters, something that makes as much sense as a
Guatemalan becoming president of the United States.

After reading your column and listening to Lou Dobbs, I think I
know the problem: See, many of us Americans grew up reading the comic
strip Gordo, viewing Speedy Gonzalez outwit that cat, and
learned to love corn chips—which advanced to tortilla chips and
Taco Bell—from the Frito Bandito. Older folks saw those funny but
loyal Mexicans who John Wayne defended in cantinas from those who knew
not the power of the tequila. In my case, there were those funny people
serving meals at Casa Bonita in Denver. See, we miss those sombrero-
and sandal-wearing types. Now all we see is lowriders and gang-bangers.
Is this not a PR nightmare? Maybe since retro is in, you all should go
back to the drawing board.

El Mick

Dear Mick: If widespread acceptance for Mexicans were that easy,
que no piensas we would’ve done this already? If that were the
case, Stepin Fetchit and Carlos Mencia would be civil rights icons on
the level of Martin Luther King Jr. and César Chávez.

Your voice needs to urge your fellow Mexicans to make street
marches for amnesty a MONTHLY occurrence. Those marches showed America,
more than any other method, the very real power and solidarity of the
oppressed in this country. Use your column wisely. I read it every
week. Remind everyone that those in silence, who showed up to walk,
were a force, something to be reckoned with, and shouldn’t stop. Walk
EVERY month! The last time they did, these marches were THE topic of
conversation on every pundit’s lips on the evening news. It takes quiet
persistence to show Amerikkka your real power nonviolently; it’s
something we are not used to, and it garners respect from even those
who should be ashamed. Use your voice to call for frequent shows of
solidarity. EVERY MONTH. Be a gadfly. You are in a good place to be
heard.

El Izquierdista

Dear Readers: You heard the lefty gabacho. On this coming
Mexican Independence Day, instead of marching to your local taco
company for margaritas and sombreros, march for amnesty for illegals.
Or undocumented college students. Or to the bookstore to buy my
libros. Or at least to protest the television networks for
ignoring Mexican-themed shows in favor of their umpteenth The
Office rip-off. Point is: Get on Obama’s case, and tell him to
forget golfing at Martha’s Vineyard and start fighting the Know
Nothings.

Ask the Mexican at themexican@askamexican.net,
myspace.com/ocwab or facebook.com/garellano; find him on Twitter;
or write via snail mail at Gustavo Arellano, P.O. Box 1433, Anaheim, CA
92815-1433!

This article appears in Sep 10-16, 2009.