Tucson Weekly: The Skinny (November 26

Skinny THIS JUST IN: ARF! ARF, ARF!, ARF! ARF! ARF!: We'd desperately like to believe this simply isn't true, but several of our spies at KGUN-TV, Channel 9 (Motto: "We're On Your Side, Even While We're In Touch With Something Warm And Fuzzy") say it is. Apparently the KGUN powers that be are considering hiring a dog as a station mascot.
Channel 13 has a helicopter, Channel 4 occasionally tells us what's going on in the real world, and now KGUN may soon stomp them both in the ongoing ratings war with "Gunner," the lovable mutt. Certainly it would make for brilliant TV:
Happy-go-lucky Gunner visits a retirement home and licks a lonely old lady; at weather live remotes in Reid Park Gunner goes bananas with all the trees; Gunner reads the news on nights Guy Atchley is absent...
Yes, TV just keeps getting better and better, doesn't it? And soon we'll have high-definition!
HIGHGROUNDED: The number of people voting by mail continues to increase, which means that mail campaigns to reach those early voters are becoming more vital with each election. Both the major parties typically send voters mailers asking if they'd like an early ballot mailed to their home. And that, as you'd expect, is an expensive proposition.
In the recent general election, the Republican Party raised a lot more cash than the Democrats. While both parties mass mailed early-ballot requests, the Democrats were so broke they barely had enough money to bail out their returns at the post office. The GOP, meanwhile, was flush enough to send a follow-up mailer to each voter who requested a ballot.
Unfortunately, that GOP piece consisted of a limp slate piece, which was expensive because it was tailored by legislative district. Some party activists are asking why the GOP spent so much simply sending out what amounted to another sample ballot.
They're also asking what happened to the get-out-the-vote efforts on Election Day. Republicans raised over a million dollars, we're told, but the GOP apparently had fewer paid phone banks to push Election Day turn-out than the Democrats, who had considerably less money. It showed in most places--the voter turn-out in Democratic Pima County was 51 percent, but in heavily GOP Maricopa County, it was only 44 percent.
The culprit in this case seems to be HighGround, a political consulting firm which the state GOP hired to handle those jobs, along with other activities normally handled by the state HQ, like supplying voter files to campaigns. HighGround is run by former Symington staffers Chuck Coughlin and Wes Gullett. Gullett is also close to Sen. John McCain, as his wife Debbie is McCain's chief of staff. These are the geniuses who ran John Kaites' ill-fated primary campaign for Attorney General. Remember those ads accusing a locked-up Tom McGovern of being a dope fiend? That campaign, which backfired and cost Kaites the election, was the brainchild of HighGround.
Those geniuses apparently inadvertently managed to finish off McGovern as well. McGovern's narrow loss to Democrat Janet Napolitano had a lot to do with poor GOP voter turn-out, not only in Maricopa but in other heavily Republican counties like Mohave and Yavapai. Many Republicans would like to know just how much HighGround got for botching the job.
MUSICAL CHAIRS: The man who raised most of the that million bucks for the state GOP, current finance chair Mike Minnaugh, got a big boost in his candidacy for state GOP chairman in an unexpected way. His opponent, current National Committeewoman Lori Marsh, failed to be nominated as a member of the state Committee from her home district in Maricopa County. The state chair must be a member of the state Committee, so unless Marsh plans to run from the floor against her own district's choices at the Maricopa County Republican Convention in January, it appears Minnaugh has a clear shot to follow Tucsonan Mike Hellon as the GOP state chair.
Even if Marsh chooses to try it, she'll be in trouble with many of her own supporters, who will dislike overturning her home district's recommendations. Marsh has been unavailable for comment and The Skinny is told she isn't returning phone calls.
One of the first problems facing Minnaugh will be to determine just exactly what HighGround did--or didn't--do, and how much they made doing it.
NO SAN FRANCISCO TREAT: Last September, Presiding Judge Mike Brown made five reservations for a fancy conference about record-keeping which is being held in early December in San Francisco: one for the outgoing Presiding Judge (Brown himself), one for the new Presiding Judge (at that point assumed to be Judge Bernardo Velasco), one for the outgoing Clerk of the Court (Jim Corbett), one for the clerk's chief deputy, and one for the newly elected clerk. Brown was hoping the latter would be his pick, Penny Bradford.
But the best-laid plans of mice and pork-loving judges often go astray. Velasco isn't the new presiding judge; Gordon Alley is. And Bradford isn't the new clerk of the court; Patti Noland is. Neither Alley nor Noland were interested in starting their careers with four days in San Francisco on the taxpayers before they were even sworn in to office. That left Brown and the other two lame ducks who leave office in January.
According to County Finance Department records, Brown canceled the gig on November 4--the day after the election. And the taxpayers saved about $7,000.
SALUD PARA BRENDA: Tucson Unified School District Board member Brenda Even recently voted to extend her own no-bid, sweetheart contract for the schools' Wellness Centers, operated with tax dollars by her company, Salud Para Todos. The item was on the Tucson Unified School District Board's consent agenda, which (like those for City Council and the Board of Supervisors) is for routine items that can be passed on a single vote unless pulled by a member's request.
The lame-duck Even should have pulled it, declared a conflict of interest and abstained. Her late husband, John, had enough of a moral compass to abstain on Salud Para Todos contracts when they were on the Board of Supervisors' agendas during his brief time as a supervisor last year.
The Wellness Centers are actually vital. But why is the executive director and creator of Salud Para Todos also on the Board that provides facilities and money?
COLD TEA: Don't look for answers from the Tucson Education Association, the teachers' union. We've sided with them on their negotiations for a new contract, now at an impasse and headed to arbitration. Now TEA wants to wait for the new Board --Carolyn Kemmeries and Rosalie Lopez replacing Gloria Copeland and Brenda Even--to see if they can get a better deal. Not a bad idea. But they ought to inform the membership of the specific strategies and the delay. Also under wraps is the plan for political operative Mike Gordy and retread Marilyn Freed to take over leadership. This is not an open nomination process.
LORD HAVE MERCY: Well, somehow the Godless members of the American Civil Liberties Union have managed to scuttle Bible Week, so Arizonans will have to spend the period from November 22 to November 29 with absolutely no moral guidance. We at The Skinny protest, and offer these heartwarming and upbuilding selections from the True Word of God.
First, to address those ACLU themselves: They claim that in a pluralistic society we need to have more tolerance of other peoples. What does God say? In Deuteronomy 7, He says: "In the cities of the nations the Lord your God is giving you as an inheritance, do not leave alive anything that breathes. Completely destroy them--the Hittites, Amorites, Canaanites, Perizziites, Hivites and Jebusites." (Actually, we can see why he wants us to kill the Amorites, but really, what have the Perizzites ever done to us?)
But God doesn't just give advice on committing genocide. No, the ACLU has also robbed us of this chance to pick up some diet tips. Was it not God who said, in Deuteronomy 14, "Do not eat any abominable thing." Who can argue with that?
And what about that stickiest of modern questions, relations between the sexes? Once again, some excellent advice is found in God's words. He says, (and we quote Him), "If you notice among your captives a beautiful woman and are attracted to her, you may take her as your wife. Bring her into your home and have her shave her head, and trim her nails...after she has lived in your house and mourned her father and mother for a full month you may go into her and be her husband and she shall be your wife." (Deuteronomy 21: 10-13) Wow, not only good advice for the lovelorn, but grooming tips as well!
What doesn't God know how to do best? Well, what parent hasn't wondered whether a child's playmate is someone he or she shouldn't associate with? God offers a few simple guidelines on who the "in" and "out" groups are: "No one whose stones be crushed or privy member severed shall enter into the assembly of the Lord... no Ammonite or Moabite or any of his descendents down to the tenth generation shall enter into the assembly of the Lord," but on the plus side, "Do not abhor an Edomite, for he is your brother." (Deuteronomy 23 1-7) Now when little Johnny brings home a new playmate, a simple examination of his equipment and lineage lets you know if he's good enough to go with God!
Without the Bible's advice what am we supposed to do, Mr. and Mrs. Card-Carrying Members of the ACLU? Eat abominable things while letting our children pal around with Moabites and Ammonites? With organizations like the ACLU preventing us from reading the Word of God, it's no wonder society has deteriorated to the point that we have the lowest crime levels in 30 years! It's past time we gather stones so we might smite those who would trespass against us.

Home | Currents | City Week | Music | Review | Books | Cinema | Back Page | Archives