SHINING BRIGHT: In honor of Gay Pride Month, the Tucson-Pima
Public Library is "delighted" to have author Susie
Bright (more commonly known as "Susie Sexpert")
"present her unique perspectives on sexual politics"
The latest of Bright's 12 books The Sexual State of the Union (Simon and Schuster), is available in paper for $12.
VIAGRESSION: The authorship has regrettably dropped off the latest joke circulating around the Internet via email, but this one's too good to keep from the rest of you Luddites:
"With Viagra such a hit, Pfizer is bringing forth a whole line of drugs oriented towards improving the performance of men in today's society:
DIRECTRA: A dose of this drug given to men before leaving on car trips caused 72 percent of them to stop and ask directions when they got lost, compared to a control group of 0.2 percent.
PROJECTRA: Men given this experimental new drug were far more likely to actually finish a household repair project before starting a new one.
CHILDAGRA: Men taking this drug reported a sudden, overwhelming urge to perform more child-care tasks--especially cleaning up spills and 'little' accidents.
COMPLIMENTRA: In clinical trials, 82 percent of middle-aged men administered this drug noticed that their wives had a new hairstyle. (Currently being tested to see if its effects extend to noticing new clothing.)
NEGA-VIAGRA: Has the exact opposite effect of Viagra. Currently undergoing clinical trials on sitting U.S. presidents.
NEGA-SPORTAGRA: This drug had the strange effect of making men want to turn off televised sports and actually converse with other family members.
FLATULAGRA: This complex drug converts men's noxious intestinal gases back into food solids. Special bonus: Dosage can be doubled for long car rides.
FLYAGRA: This drug has been showing great promise in treating men with O.F.D. (Open Fly Disorder). Especially useful for men on Viagra.
PRYAGRA: About to fail its clinical trial, this drug gave men in the test group an irresistible urge to dig into the personal affairs of other people. (Note: Apparent overdose turned three test subjects into 'special prosecutors.')
LIAGRA: This drug causes men to be less than truthful when being asked about their sexual affairs. Will be available in Regular, Grand Jury and Presidential strength.
WRITING WRONGS: As regular readers know, we're seldom above (or is it beneath?) a laugh at some other media's expense. So we particularly enjoyed the exchange in last Thursday's Tucson Citizen (Perspective, June 4), in which letter writer Len Hoglan asked, "Are Tucsonans as stupid as it appears, or are you being very selective with the letters you publish in order to make them look that way?"
The staid old daily replied with the following editor's note: "The Citizen publishes letters that meet its criteria, which include a phone number for verification, and non-libelous content. The Citizen limits frequent contributors and retains the write (sic) to edit and condense letters."
We've been there enough times ourselves to know nothing beets a gud edittor.
INK SPOTS: In spite of the unflagging optimism of our outdoors columnist, we're fast approaching the thin blue line separating spring fever from summer sloth. Make an informed decision on whether to hit the trail hard, or just read about it from a soft surface: Kelly Tighe and Susan Moran sign and discuss On the Arizona Trail: A Guide for Hikers, Cyclists and Equestrians at 2 p.m. Saturday, June 13, in the Foothills Mall location of Barnes & Noble, 7325 N. La Cholla Blvd.
And for a summer read that's way far-out, join Tucson astronomer David Levy (discoverer of comet Shoemaker-Levy) for a signing and discussion of Comets--Creators and Destroyers at 5 p.m. Saturday, June 13, also at the Foothills Barnes & Noble. Call 742-6621 for information on either signing.
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