For Better Or Verse

UA Sports Seem Like Poetry In Motion--Sorta.

By Tom Danehy

TWAS THE WEEK after Christmas, and oh what a night!
The Wildcats gave all the world such a fright,

The basketball babies were winning their tourney,

While Dick Tomey's gridders completed their journey.

A rare double-feature for Cat fans to see,

A bowl game, a shootout--and both on TV.

Remote controls were clicking like mad,

And for once there were seats in McKale to be had.

The Wildcats were in the Holiday Bowl,

A game for which Sun Devils would sell their soul.

But the Devils were home, staring at cactus,

The best they can do is wait for spring practice.

Nebraska was ready to take on our 'Zona,

And when it was done, they'd need Dick Carmona,

Or a doctor, at least, to help ease their pain,

'Cause the whuppin' they took ended their reign.

The 'skers used to rule the college grid world,

With national champion banners unfurled,

But that was before Tom Osborne resigned,

And now with four losses, their team is maligned.

Still, they put up a glorious fight,

But no one would stop Arizona that night.

The offense--it sputtered, it bent and it broke,

But Keith Smith would not allow 'em to choke.

The Husker front line was six sides of beef,

But Dick Tomey countered with his Kel-vin Eaf--

On third down and goal, he blasted a-cross,

The goal-line, preventing a last-second loss.

The Cats, they were playing with courage and verve,

Then poor old Nebraska just lost its nerve.

They started to pass, an odd little trick,

'Cause they just know how to run and to kick.

The ploy didn't work; Arizona still won,

And watching that game was oh-so-much fun.

The All-Star DB intercepted a pass,

And all those Nebraskans can just kiss...

Any hopes they had of returning to the Top 10 goodbye,

for this season, anyway.

The great shouts of joy rang out through the valley,

From this Famous Sam's to that bowling alley.

Who would have thought when the season was done,

That the marvelous Wildcats would be 12-and-one?

The rest of the Pac--Oh boy, how they sucked!

The Huskies were awful; the Ducks should have ducked.

The Trojans, they lost to bad TCU,

And the Bruin performance deserved a P.U.!

The Bruins got handled with absolute ease,

Wisconsin ran through them like rancid bleu cheese.

Their defense consisted of tissue and spackle.

Could some one please tell them it's legal to tackle?

And then there's that guy at UCLA,

He used to play here, two-10 he did weigh.

He's smaller these days than back in the Kino,

I guess L.A.'s 'roids are worse than...

(Nah, I'd probably get a letter from some lawyer.)

The Wildcat women got handed their hat,

In a basketball game that made them look flat.

The huge def-i-cit was later made teeny,

But that's not enough for Joan Bonvicini.

The ladies from Westwood are ranked Number One,

In the Pac-10, at least; they're making their run.

The Cats had an outbreak of No-Rebound Disease,

And all first half long, the Bruins rained threes.

I do hate to say this, my words I must choose,

It looked like the Cats expected to lose.

The Bruins came in, expecting to win,

And Erica Gomez walked out with a grin.

That's nearly as bad as what the men did,

Their national name and rank took a skid.

Their unbeaten fame would prove to be fleeting,

As Steve Lavin's thugs just gave them a beating.

No one expects L.A. to have manners,

The Wild-kids just stared, up at the banners,

His team poured it one, dunk after dunk,

As Lavin just smiled, as smug as a punk.

"On Jason! On A.J.! On Eugene!," Lute thundered.

He looked down his bench, then sat and just wondered.

I have a suggestion; it's as good as cash,

You want to keep winning? Let's see more John Ash.

So football is up and basketball's down,

When's the last time we were that kind of town?

The downers won't last, or so I am told.

Our coaches, you see, are as good as gold.

The footballers all want to be kings,

So now we must wait for what next year brings.

And now I must end, but one thing's for sure,

As poetry goes, I'm no Clement Moore. TW

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