Weekly Wide Web

Insane in the Brain

So it turns out that Americans are crazy.

I know I touched on this last week ("More Than One in Four Voters Believe in a New World Order; My Faith in Humanity Plummets" The Range, April 2), but honestly, I feel it bears repeating.

For those who missed it, the post is based on a recently-released poll from Public Policy Polling, checking on the various conspiracy theories Americans might believe in and gauging just how batshit the people in this country are getting—you know, so the rest of us will have fair warning to make sure we're prepared for when the riots and famine, caused by mass insanity, begin.

Truth be told, I have no problem with people believing in absurd things—I mean, if people want to believe that Osama bin Laden is still alive (6 percent of those polled), good for them. If folks want to say that Saddam Hussein was involved in the Sept. 11 attacks (28 percent, including 36 percent of Romney voters polled), hey, why not? And if good, decent American citizens want to think that Barack Obama is literally the Antichrist (13 percent; 22 percent of Romney voters), then God bless 'em. That's their right as free-thinking American citizens.

The problem is, these people don't just believe these things—they're voting as well, electing crazies such as state legislator John Kavanagh, responsible for the bill that bullies transgendered folks for their bathroom preferences.

Last year, Arizona Republic columnist Laurie Roberts championed a campaign called "De-Kook the Capitol," a hopeful attempt at removing insane legislators from the State Capitol and replacing them with ones who, uh, aren't.

Unfortunately, eight of the 10 legislators she considered "kooks" won their races, even though many shouldn't be considered fit for being in public, much less public office.

At least this latest PPP poll allows me to make some sort of sense of that—after all, only the kind of person who would elect supporters of "birther" bills (hi, Michelle Yee!) would believe lizard people are fighting to control our government.

Let's be clear; I don't believe that voters with different political views than mine are insane—I believe that insane people tend to gravitate toward and vote for other insane people. How else would you explain the fanaticism behind Russell Pearce, Joe Arpaio or Jan Brewer's re-election?

Hmm. Come to think of it, the "lizard people" thing might have some validity after all.

The Week On Our Blogs

On The Range, we watched as Doug Stanhope rallied for equality in Bisbee; chatted about the insane winds we experienced; "learned" that women don't want no short dick man; recapped the best dramas on television; got excited for Seth Meyer's visit to Centennial Hall; opened voting for Best of Tucson®; lamented getting beaten in the dream-machine market by Japan; tut-tutted about Katie Bolger's taste in language; and more!

On We Got Cactus, we updated you on the continuing saga behind Lil Wayne's health, his touring schedule and his latest album; said goodbye to Margaret Thatcher; approved of the Yeah Yeah Yeah's concert requests; watched a short film featuring Santigold; and more!

Comment of the Week

"I feel kind of bad for Magpie's because it can't even be a thrill anymore:'The 2013 plaque just arrived, sir.''Yeah, toss it with the other 30.' Only the first six are actually mounted on the office wall; the rest molder in storage. A solitary tear falls from the corner of his eye as Horatio J. Magpie III thinks wistfully of those heady early years, back when he was still a lad and Grampy Horry still ruled the roost. Would they? Won't they? Now the only question is, Will he ever know the pleasure of a challenge ever again?" —Reader Erica Lira's Best of Tucson® excellent short play, overlooking Brooklyn Pizza's Best Pizza category victory for two years running ("It's Best of Tucson® Voting Time!" April 5). 

Best of WWW

The NCAA tournament may be over, but the Madness continues here at Weekly World Central (as it does year-round). I'm begging for upsets aplenty in the Tucson Weekly Celebrity Showdown—and we appear to have had one, as Janos Wilder beat retired astronaut Mark Kelly in a walk. Might we have a similar upset this round? Head to our "Contests" page at TucsonWeekly.com to vote!

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