The Three Musketeers 3D

On the day The Three Musketeers was released, star Milla Jovovich took to Twitter to, in essence, bury Summit Entertainment for promoting the film as something it’s not. She has a point: Summit should have been promoting it as a vacuous, costumed bit of cinematic torture. Milla’s tweets bring up another point: How in the world does The Three Musketeers have a female star? Well, she’s married to director Paul W.S. Anderson, who made all those Resident Evil movies … which star Milla Jovovich. Anyway, that’s just part of how off-course this movie is. Milla’s a mostly unnecessary assassin, and the actual musketeers (Matthew Macfadyen, Luke Evans and Ray Stevenson) fight a lot and share one-liners, but they aren’t characters, exactly. The film earns points for good 3-D effects and for casting Mads Mikkelsen and Christoph Waltz as villains, but otherwise, Three Musketeers is an absolute mess.