AOL, which has been bleeding unhappy subscribers and recently quit charging for e-mail service, laid off 400 local employees last week and announced it would shut down its Tucson call center.
Also evidently soon to be out of work: state Treasurer David Petersen, who was expected to plead guilty this week to filing a false financial-disclosure report and resign from office, according to reporter Amanda J. Crawford of The Arizona Republic.
Pedersen has been under investigation by Attorney General Terry Goddard over various allegations, including charges that he improperly received payment from a character-building organization.
The buff female employee behind the register slammed the drawer shut on the man's fingers, then closed it, before screaming: "Now get the fuck out of here!"
Our sticky-fingered villain fled and hid behind the building until his getaway sidekick, who evidently went by the name of Crystal, finished shopping at the Family Dollar next door, according to witnesses.
Meanwhile, at the scene of the crime, the rattled employees discussed the proper course of action, until our man Sarkissian suggested they call the po-po. He was also resourceful enough to say "911" when another employee asked if anyone knew TPD's phone number.
Although a trio of tropically attired winos on beach cruisers witnessed the crime, police were unable to apprehend the dastardly duo.
Elsewhere on the crime beat: Tucson Police Department Officer Estevan Marquez was suspended after his patrol car collided with a fellow officer's vehicle, forcing him to submit to a blood test that revealed traces of cocaine in his system.
A subsequent search of Marquez's locker turned up small amounts of cocaine and marijuana. (We suppose it could have been evidence.) Marquez was arrested and taken to the Pima County Jail.
Don't want to deal with the hassle of showing ID at the polls? Pssst--here's a secret: Cast a ballot at one of Pima County's many early-voting locations, where no proof of identity is required. A complete list of locations is available at online. Alternatively, you can order an early ballot. Get yours by calling 740-4330 before Friday, Oct. 27.
"Somehow American leadership, whose only credit is lying to its people and illegally invading a nation, has been allowed to steal the courage, virtue and honor of its soldiers on the ground," wrote Kevin Tillman, who enlisted in the Army Rangers with Pat Tillman after Sept. 11. "Somehow those afraid to fight an illegal invasion decades ago are allowed to send soldiers to die for an illegal invasion they started."
Pat Tillman was killed by friendly fire in Afghanistan in 2004. Army officials originally said he died from enemy fire before admitting the truth and launching several investigations into the incident.
The Wildcats are guaranteed a better weekend with a bye on Saturday.
In other sports news: Former UA basketball player Hassan Adams went on trial in city court this week on DUI charges.