The Man With the Iron Fists

Hip-hop star RZA co-writes (with Eli Roth), directs and stars in this total waste of time. This is some sort of martial-arts/spaghetti-Western mash-up that features a whole lot of people chopping each other up. Russell Crowe, Lucy Liu and others star along with RZA, who plays the blacksmith who eventually winds up with the weapons named in the movie’s title. There’s some sort of war going on, but I had a hard time determining who was fighting whom. I do know that a bunch of lethal hookers came on the scene near the film’s end and started kicking ass; I have no idea why. There are lots of bad wigs, plus gushing blood and dismembered limbs, along with disgusting scenes of Russell Crowe licking people. Trust me when I tell you this: You do not want to see lots of scenes featuring Russell Crowe licking people. It’s traumatizing. This is a “Quentin Tarantino Presents” feature, meaning they put his name on it, so people will shell out dough because they think he directed it (he didn’t)—and they wind up witnessing a complete piece of shit.