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Rated PG-13 · 136 minutes · 2010

Drama, Mystery
And the winner for worst film of 2009 is …(sound of vomit bag being torn open to reveal the results) Lovely Bones! A truly mortifyingly bad movie, Lovely Bones tells the tale of young Susie Salmon (Saoirse Ronan), whose daddy (Mark Walhberg) loves her ever so much until she’s raped and killed by Mr. Harvey (Stanley Tucci), who, it turns out, is not a very nice man at all. Then she goes to a beautiful afterlife where a magical girl (Nikki SooHoo) becomes her playmate in fields of liquid flowers and giggling rollercoasters. So, the moral is that if you kill a little girl she gets to have the bestest time of her life. Tucci is interestingly weird and effectively creepy as the killer, and Rachel Weisz, though underutilized, is fabulous as Susie’s mom. But the movie is dragged down by an awful script that actually includes the line, “I loved the way a photo could capture a moment before it was gone.” O yeah, it’s awesome to capture moments before they’re gone! There’s almost nothing good to say about this two hour excrescence from director Peter Jackson, so I can only beseech you not to go see it, unless you think greeting cards with sunsets on them are our greatest source of philosophical comfort. If so, God bless you.


See our full review: Pretentiously Played

Pretentiously Played

Peter Jackson's attempt at sweet depth ends up as sickly sweet schlock »

Official Site: www.lovelybones.com
Director: Peter Jackson
Producer: Carolynne Cunningham, Fran Walsh, Peter Jackson, Aimee Peyronnet, Steven Spielberg, Tessa Ross, Ken Kamins and James Wilson
Cast: Mark Wahlberg, Rachel Weisz, Susan Sarandon, Stanley Tucci, Michael Imperioli, Saoirse Ronan, Rose McIver, Christian Ashdale and Reece Ritchie

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The Lovely Bones

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What others are saying (6)

The Coast Halifax The Lovely Bones too fantastical for loveliness Director Peter Jackson's obsession with the fantastical detracts from any insight into tragedy. by Hillary Titley 01/28/2010
Colorado Springs Independent Opening this week The Book of Eli, The Lovely Bones, A Single Man, The Spy Next Door and more. 01/14/2010
Portland Mercury Dead Alive Wow. The Lovely Bones is terrible. by Erik Henriksen 01/14/2010
3 more reviews...
Charleston City Paper Peter Jackson keeps the cloying tone of The Lovely Bones intact This review of the highly anticipated Peter Jackson film adaptation of The Lovely Bones should come with a small caveat. I was not a fan of the 2002 bestselling book by Alice Sebold, and therefore not among those delighted to see that literary sensation translated to the big screen. For me, there was something cloying, maudlin, and self-consciously, fussily poetic about Sebold's new-agey novel about a 14-year-old girl Susie Salmon (Saoirse Ronan) who in 1973 is raped, killed, and dismembered by the neighborhood serial killer and then looks down on the family she has left behind from her heavenly perch. by Felicia Feaster 01/13/2010
Colorado Springs Independent Lost in translation It probably seemed to Peter Jackson that he had a take on Bones that was more cinematic than the book. But the problem isn't that Jackson attempted something radically different. The problem is that he didn't succeed. by Scott Renshaw 01/14/2010

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