Remember "Splash" and "Pipe With Flow 30""? They are the infamous public-art sculptures by Paul Edwards that were installed along Mountain Avenue last year near Glenn Street and Fort Lowell Road ("Free to a Good Home," April 24, 2003). He meant them to look like flowing desert river water; they came out looking like, well, flowing shit. With the Barrio Hollywood sewage disaster fresh in their minds, a majority of Mountain Avenue area residents demanded their removal. Well, guess what: They're back. The good folks from the city's transportation department recently called to let us know that the sculptures were installed last month at their new home, at the northwest corner of Silverlake District Park--interestingly, near where Mountain Avenue dead-ends into Silverlake Road. I recently went to interview "Splash," like I did for an April 24, 2003 TQ&A ("Blue Sewage"), and I found a sad sight--both sculptures had already been tagged with graffiti, including an ominous "Brown Pride" tag on "Pipe." And I am not making this up--as I was taking pictures of the sculptures, at 2:30 p.m. on a bright, sunny Monday, two young men started approaching, hollering and making all sorts of noise. Not wanting to get my ass kicked, I decided it was a good time to leave. As I drove off, the two young men glared at me while sitting on top of "Splash." Now, on a less-serious note, here's my interview with "Splash."

Hey, Splash! It's good to see you!

Hey, Jimbo. It's good to be back in public, although I am not thrilled with this whole involuntary "body art" thing.

I assume you're talking about the graffiti. That sucks!

Tell me about it! It's hard to defend yourself and kick some ass when you're anchored into the ground. But, hey, it could be worse. At least "Brown Pride" was not painted on me like it was on my homie "Pipe" over there.

True. But, hey, you both are brown. Famously, in fact.

Yeah, well, you're about as white as Marie Osmond in a powdered-sugar refinery, but how would you feel if hoodlums came up to you one day and spray-painted your butt with some "white power" phrase?


But it could be worse. I could have been turned into scrap rock and placed in front of Kathleen Dunbar's house or something.

Very true. Anyway, I see that you were placed right near the end of Mountain Avenue, where it dead-ends into Silverlake here. How do you feel about that?

It's hilarious, I think. We sculptures are big fans of irony.

Do you miss your old neighborhood at all?

Heck no. We didn't want to be where we weren't wanted. Plus, that stretch of Mountain Avenue wasn't exactly the cat's meow, anyway. All those Salpointe kids got on my nerves, and well, in the case of "Pipe" over here ... let's just say that being next to that Quik Mart hurt his eyes.

You lost me. You sculptures don't have eyes, and how is "Pipe" a "he," anyway?

Dammit, there you friggin' Weekly reporters go with your confrontational questions. What IS it with you people?

Um ... I was just asking ...

Asking deeply personal questions. I can't BELIEVE you tried to sexualize this interview by asking about "Pipe With Flow 30" " like that. Pervert.

Calm down. I was hoping you'd be in a better mood over here, "Splash."

Sigh. You're right; I am sorry. I'm just disappointed. I had hoped that our being put here would be a good thing for the southside, and that we'd finally be welcomed here. But instead, look what happens: Within days of being installed, we're vandalized. It's just crappy.

Because you're upset, I will refrain from pointing out the irony of you using the phrase "crappy."

Whatever. I just hope that they'll remove the graffiti, and that this won't stop people from coming and looking at us. After all, we're public art. We're meant to be enjoyed.

And having intimidating-looking young dudes running off reporters who are taking pictures of you doesn't help matters, either.

Amen, bro. In any case, it's nice to finally have a home. I just hope things work out better here.

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