Spider-Man

... Or, as I like to call it Spider-Man 1. The plot for this one is familiar to every 35-year-old virgin: unlucky ectomorph Peter Parker (Tobey Maguire) is bitten by a genetically modified spider and gains the ability to star in a major motion picture. Somehow, though, being super strong and wearing a pretty pair of tights is not enough to secure him the love Mary Jane Parker (Kirsten Dunst), the cutest girl in school and the only person in Parker’s peer group who doesn’t make extra loogies just to spit at him. The special effects in this one are very special indeed, with what is perhaps the best super-battle in the history of cinema. On the other hand, every now and again the script slows way, way down for some embarrassing expository dialogue, and Willem Dafoe is a bit bathetic as Spider-Man’s arch-nemesis The Green Goblin. But then, you aren’t going for the dialogue, are you?

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