KNEE JERK
INTERSTATE 10
JULY 3, 7:19 P.M.
A drunk man pretended to be partially paralyzed to make trouble during his arrest, according to a Pima County Sheriff's Department report.
Several people driving down Interstate 10 reported a swerving car that ultimately crashed on the side of the road; the man inside was apparently passed out. One witness said the man suddenly awakened, exited the car, threw rocks and was generally "getting rowdy."
Deputies handcuffed the subject, who was very intoxicated. When one deputy tried to talk to him, he unexpectedly fell to the ground on his back, shut his eyes and fell silent. A deputy with previous knowledge of the subject explained that he was attempting to "meditate."
When deputies tried to get him to a patrol vehicle, the report said, the man made his body go limp, forcing them to carry him. He refused to sit in the vehicle, screaming that his legs would not bend. With one kick of those same legs, he then knocked a window out of the vehicle.
Brought to another patrol car, he again would not sit down, screaming that his knees would not work.
When deputies later tried to seat him in a restraint chair, the subject once again yelled that he could not bend his knees. At one point, he seemed to forget this and bent both legs, but when his action was pointed out, he suddenly straightened them again and held them immobile.
Eventually, he was incarcerated.
THE DEVIL MADE THEM DO IT
WEST ORANGE GROVE ROAD
JUNE 29, 1:33 A.M.
An artist released the figurative devil inside of him while fighting with his girlfriend over drawings of an actual devil, a PCSD report stated.
A neighbor in the subjects' apartment complex reported that she heard people throwing things and a female calling a male a "stupid fucking ass."
The female subject told deputies that she and her live-in boyfriend had been drinking alcohol and watching TV when she noticed that her boyfriend was drawing "pictures of the devil" on a piece of paper. They were actually very abstract pictures of a face, she said, but her boyfriend declared they depicted the devil.
The female said she got very "creeped out" by her boyfriend's renderings and told him so, at which point he became offended and exploded "out of control," screaming at her and moving aggressively toward her. He reportedly broke the legs off a table and shattered a glass.
Her boyfriend admitted breaking the table, because he was upset that his girlfriend did not like his pictures of Satan. However, he said, she slapped him first.
Both subjects were arrested.
