Police Dispatch

Date Me or the Dog Gets It

Foothills Area Jan. 30, 7:20 p.m.

A man's scorned ex-girlfriend crawled through his house's doggie door to steal his dog—plus a bunch of drugs as a bonus—after she'd allegedly held the dog hostage (in a very sick way), according to a Pima County Sheriff's Department report.

The victim told sheriff's deputies that yesterday his ex had called him from a blocked number while he was out, saying she was at his property and had his dog ... and was holding a knife to the animal's throat. (This didn't quite make sense, considering she didn't actually threaten to hurt the dog and didn't make any demands, but it was clear that she was angry at being dumped by the reportee.)

The victim said he came home to find that the subject indeed probably hadn't injured the dog (a small Chihuahua-pit bull mix), but had instead stolen it—since it was now simply gone. There were no signs of forced entry but, in the victim's own words, it would have been "really easy to get in" through the doggie door: "All (the subject) had to do was stick her body halfway through (it) and unlock the door to get in."

The reportee didn't seem worried that his ex would have harmed the dog, only that it might not be found—so deputies gave him a victim's-rights pamphlet and assured him they'd investigate before leaving his house.

Not long after their departure, however, the dog's owner called the Sheriff's Department again—this time to report that not only had his dog apparently been stolen that day, but so had a multitude of prescription narcotics: approximately 115 relatively strong oxycodone pills (15 milligrams each, which the victim was taking for a broken wrist), as well as an entire bottle of liquid codeine.

(Much more oddly, also missing was a 30-pill bottle of omeprazole, a generic form of Prilosec—which has no known "enjoyable" side effects. But perhaps the subject also just happened to suffer from heartburn.)

It didn't seem probable that deputies would catch the dog-and-drug thief, since the reportee had no current contact information for her, nor did he know where she might be staying—and she wasn't in law-enforcement records. But as he told deputies in a follow-up call, he randomly saw her near Prince Road and Campbell Avenue carrying the dog the very day after the burglary.

When she saw him, he said, she put down his dog, it immediately ran toward him, and man and pet were reunited. (The reportee was not reunited with any of his medications, he told deputies, but he was in the process of getting new prescriptions from his doctor.) At the time of the report, the dog-stealing ex-girlfriend was still at large.

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