Police Dispatch 

Hippie Fight

San Xavier Beat

Jan. 25, 1:27 a.m.

After a heated political argument, a peace-loving man was beaten up by an anger-prone female who perhaps didn't belong at his commune, where she lived in a bus, according to a Pima County Sheriff's Department report.

Sheriff's deputies drove to the incident location, described as "a co-op where several families farm and work and exchange their goods ... for services; for example, rent."

Five witnesses said that during the argument, which occurred at the co-op's main house—something about the "Occupy Tucson" movement—the female lost control and started punching and kicking the male she was conversing with; she then fled to the bus in the backyard that she called home.

Her victim said that when their argument had suddenly gone "to another level," the woman took on a fighting stance while he held his hands out yieldingly, attempting to pacify her—to no avail. He said her anger only increased when her punches didn't hurt him, and she kept trying to "bait him" into fighting back.

The man allegedly soon left the house, unscathed and unruffled, to the backyard barbecue to avoid her—but she followed him, threw something at him and said, "You ought to be killed."

Deputies found the woman outside her bus, apparently packing to move out of the co-op. She denied any violence, but with witnesses against her, she was arrested on suspicion of assault. She forced a deputy to repeat her Miranda rights numerous times before she finally accompanied him to jail.

Ramen Rage?


Jan. 14, 7:51 a.m.

Someone possibly used ramen-noodle soup to "vandalize" a woman's truck, a Pima County Sheriff's Department report stated.

The woman called a deputy to her house after she woke up and went out to her truck to see that someone had pitched a full ramen soup cup at her vehicle at such an angle that the contents splashed across—and stuck to—almost the whole passenger side of her truck. The cup that had contained the offending foodstuff was on the ground.

The soup on the truck was dry upon the deputy's arrival, but the victim said it had still been wet not long ago, so the incident was recent.

Her only suspect in the noodle case was "a Lopez kid" who lived in the house behind her (perchance a previous troublemaker). She said she saw this "little Lopez boy" walk by her truck every morning.

Of course, the ramen might've been thrown not to intentionally soil her vehicle, but simply because its consumer didn't want it (not an uncommon occurrence with ramen cups).

Upon interview, the suspect's mother denied having seen her son with any ramen—in fact insisting he'd just now breakfasted on cereal—so the reportee simply filled out a "victim's rights pamphlet"; no charges were filed against the little boy.

More by Anna Mirocha


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