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THAT VOLCANO BLEW

UP IN HIS FACE

UA AREA

OCTOBER 21, 3:57 A.M.

A man hid in his own bushes to masturbate while watching bikini-clad co-eds, then tried to blame it on a burglar, a UA Police Department report stated.

A UA police officer was scheduled to work a scheduled sorority "volcano party," at which all attending female students were supposed to wear swimsuits. Not long into the party, the officer was approached by three young women in bikinis looking extremely upset. They said they'd just been walking northbound on Cherry Avenue and passed a house on the west side of the street where they saw a man in the bushes staring at them—with his shorts down around his thighs.

The women "could not describe his penis as being circumcised or not," but they said the man was "stroking (it) in an up and down motion about 10 feet away from them. They said they became frightened and ran back to the party to report the incident.

When the officer went to the house knocked on the door, the resident immediately greeted him nonchalantly, asking what was going on. When told about the report of someone masturbating in his bushes, the man acted as if it was a non-question of his innocence, saying, "Sometimes people break into the garage."

But when he was brought before the three girls, they all identified him without a doubt as the masturbator. He was arrested for three counts of public sexual indecency and booked into jail.

NOT WHAT THE DOCTOR ORDERED FOOTHILLS AREA OCTOBER 9, 12:05 A.M.

A very moody woman threatened her boyfriend's life and told a sad pregnancy story without making much sense, according to a Pima County Sheriff's Department report.

Sheriff's deputies received a call from an apartment-complex dweller saying that her neighbors were arguing and she'd heard a woman scream, "I'll kill you!"

Deputies had to kick down the door of the alleged fighters' apartment, where they found a very argumentative woman who yelled at them that she was pregnant, so they should be careful with her.

Then, however, she said it was actually an in utero stillbirth—meaning her fetus had sadly died inside her. She then described a very odd-sounding occurrence, insisting that the doctor told her that although her fetus was no longer alive, it was still growing—at least its arms and legs were.

Deputies also found a man with her, whom she said was her boyfriend and had been living with her since May—but whose last name she insisted she didn't remember. She'd apparently been drinking. (It wasn't clear whether she'd been doing so while her fetus was alive.)

The woman was jailed on an existing warrant, as well as several other charges.

More by Anna Mirocha

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