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DUDE, THAT'S MY SIGN!

SOUTH KOLB ROAD

OCT. 1, 3 P.M.

Two women—who were apparently impersonating transients—were assaulted by an actual transient at a southwest-side median, according to a Pima County Sheriff's Department report.

Deputies responded to Valencia and Kolb roads, where someone reported that a male had aggressively grabbed the arm of a female at the west median and walked away. A different female, who was with her, said that this particular man was "always messing with her and her sister" (the female victim at the west median). She said he took a sign from her sister as the two women were selling newspapers.

But when deputies caught up with the male—apparently another newspaper seller—he admitted to taking their sign, but he said it was because they were perpetuating "slander." He said their sign had his name on it (though he didn't explain why that might possibly be). He said bitterly that the two women "were not even homeless, that they lived in Rita Ranch." He denied grabbing one's arm, but due to other witnesses he was cited for doing so.

The man was brought to jail, largely so that deputies could be sure that more trouble among the newspaper hawkers wouldn't ensue.

WHAT'S IT TO YOU, SCOOBY DOO?

FOOTHILLS AREA

SEPT. 21, 3:20 A.M.

A drunk, tired man possessing just a few very odd items was found sleeping outside a convenience store, refusing to move, after doing the same thing numerous times previously, a PCSD report stated.

The clerk at a foothills-area Quik Mart store told dispatch that a man had been sleeping outside her store with an open container of alcohol and refused to leave.

When deputies arrived on scene, it turned out they both recognized the man from previous occurrences exactly like this one—in which he'd gotten drunk in a convenience-store parking lot, fell asleep with his beer still next to him, and simply refused to budge when prodded by management to leave the property.

This time, according to the store clerk, when she'd tried to wake him up and ask him to leave, the subject barely lifted his head and simply asked her, "What's it to you?"

After deputies deemed the man "a site that was indecent and offenses to the senses," the sleepy subject was handcuffed and placed in to a patrol vehicle without putting up much resistance. Deputies found him to possess absolutely nothing except $2.12, one Chinese bible and a set of Scooby Doo DVDs.

These interesting items were held for him and he was booked into jail for trespassing and being a "public nuisance."

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