Police Dispatch 

Gardeners, snakes and gender roles



AUG. 26, 11:15 A.M.

A housewife's acquaintance turned a peaceful, Eden-like garden into a hellish scene with some blatantly bizarre behavior—involving proselytizing, debating gender roles, and an attempt to bare-handedly heal a dead snake—according to a Pima County Sheriff's Department report.

After hiding from the subject in a closet, the garden's owner told sheriff's deputies that her acquaintance (apparently a friend or neighbor) was still on the scene after randomly visiting her garden that morning to start a frighteningly odd performance.

First, the reportee said, the woman began screaming at her and her husband (as well as their gardener) about whether they believed in Jesus Christ. Then, when the reportee tried to pay the gardener, the subject grabbed the check and said: "You can't pay him. You're not the boss. Only your husband is the boss."

The woman then reportedly shook the reportee's shoulders, saying, "You need to listen to me!" and then sat on the ground instead of leaving as she was asked.

When a poisonous snake entered the garden, the subject allegedly tried to grab it and "minister to (it)" after the reportee's husband struck it dead with a shovel.

Finally, the subject allegedly sprayed the husband with a hose and poured a glass of ice water on his head, victoriously shouting, "Ice-bucket challenge!"

After deputies handcuffed her, she repeated that "she was here to serve God and Jesus," asking if they were Christians and saying "if (the deputies) did not remove the handcuffs from her arms, she would have them all fired"—since she was "administering God's word." She did admit she'd had "a few sips" of a margarita earlier.

She was arrested for trespassing and disorderly conduct.

More by Anna Mirocha


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