LESS MONEY, MO' PROBLEMS
EAST SUNRISE DRIVE
May 12, 4:05 p.m.
There was no stopping a short-tempered man after he ran over a bank's stop sign and cussed out a "fat bitch" bank teller and at her "half-assed" establishment, according to a Pima County Sheriff's Department report.
Deputies found the man in a car near Washington Savings and Loan, 4788 E. Sunrise Drive.; his girlfriend said they'd recently visited the bank and returned to find their phone.
Then, she said, her boyfriend wanted the bank to return a check to him, apparently upset over losing money; then he "lost his fucking mind," screaming incessant profanities.
The bank manager said he'd called one teller a "fucking bitch" and declared the bank "half-assed" before threateningly informing the manager "he knew what vehicle (the manager) drove and ... hoped he'd see him on the way home." The manager said the couple had earlier driven over a nearby stop sign.
The subject admitted to calling the teller a "fat bitch," blaming his "very short temper," but claimed ignorance of why the bank would call the cops.
He was taken to jail.
PISSED-OFF CYCLISTS MAY BE CLOSER THAN THEY APPEAR
EAST RIVER ROAD May 12, 12:11 p.m.
Two organic-food-loving bicyclists challenged several "hippy-type" stereotypes—and likely impeded the bicyclists'-rights movement—by physically assaulting a pickup-truck driver on the way to Whole Foods, a PCSD report said.
The victim told deputies he'd passed the bicyclists on Craycroft Road, moving his vehicle over for them as he did so—though he was constrained by traffic. Then he allegedly saw them in his rearview mirror flipping him off.
When he stopped at a light, he said, one cyclist (sporting red gear) approached his truck yelling profanities and apparently misquoting the local bumper-sticker adage "Share the Streets—Give a Bike 5 Feet" as he screamed that drivers must stay "approximately 500 feet" away from cyclists.
The reportee said the red-shirted bicyclist punched his window until the driver rolled it down—and was punched in the shoulder. The bicyclist then reportedly prepared to punch his face and simultaneously tried to swipe his cell phone.
The driver said he escaped his assailants when the light changed—only to see them leave the scene casually coasting to a nearby Whole Foods to "grab a bite." He followed them.
The bicyclists nonchalantly waved at deputies from the Whole Foods deli—until they were interrogated and became irate, admitting they'd confronted the reportee but denying an attack, declaring he was "crazy."
A store surveillance video, however, showed that after the reportee followed them into Whole Foods, the red-clad man approached him aggressively, again grabbing for the victim's phone.
While being cited for disorderly conduct, the subject angrily said he "didn't want to hear ... this" and called the deputies "a bunch of creeps." He was (obviously) cited anyway.