Police Dispatch

It's Hammer Time



NOV. 9, 4 P.M.

A man said a woman with whom he'd had sexual relations (apparently after a monetary transaction) had accused him of "cheating" and took a hammer to his piano, according to a Pima County Sheriff's Department report.

The man told a deputy that a woman had come home with him the previous night and slept over after he gave her $100. He said that while he was working on his truck in the morning, she got drunk and started screaming at him for (in her mind) seeing other women.

She allegedly become so irate that she grabbed a hammer and started to pound his barbecue grill. When he grabbed it back, she found another hammer, went back inside, and starting hammering his piano.

Two deputies found the subject at her home, whose door was open. ("Fuck, I meant to lock it," she reportedly told deputies.) The woman, who appeared to be extremely intoxicated, stated that, "There are no fucking marks on the piano" and that she "did not fucking hit the grill."

She also declared that, "If I'm going to jail, he's going to jail."

The woman was taken to jail on suspicion of criminal damage.



NOV. 17, 4:05 P.M.

A man who exhibited unconventional logic was arrested after allegedly shoplifting and then trying to barter for the stolen items with a DVD and some pocket change, a PCSD report said.

A Circle K cashier told a deputy that a man walked into the store, grabbed a box of crackers and started eating them, but refused to pay for them. The clerk said she told him to leave the store, but she and other customers later saw him in the store, eating more food items.

The deputy spotted the man nearby and chased him at length on foot before stopping him at gunpoint. Asked why he'd fled, the man said it was because "he respected" the deputy; he elaborated by stating he was "honored" that the deputy caught him.

The man admitted to taking crackers, Ben and Jerry's ice cream, gummy worms and possibly other items from the store. But he denied that he stole them because he had left 95 cents and a DVD on the counter as payment for the items. The man said he figured that was worth the amount of food he had taken.

The man was cited on suspicion of shoplifting and trespassing (though not of running from the deputy) and released.

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