WHO YOU CALLIN' A MOFO?
JAN. 25, 2:28 P.M.
A drunken man who was screaming obscenities while standing in his driveway told a deputy that he'd had anal sex with the deputy's mother, according to a Pima County Sheriff's Department report.
Deputies responding to a "check welfare" call found the man in his driveway with a guitar slung over his shoulder. Deputies said they immediately recognized him from past incidents.
The man's speech was slurred and he smelled of alcohol, and when deputies tried to question him, he repeatedly told them, "Fuck you, motherfucker," the report said. When the man started to walk away, a deputy handcuffed him, which prompted the man to yell, "I fucked your mother in the asshole!"
A neighbor who lives across the street told deputies he could hear the man yelling, even with the windows and door shut. The neighbor said that when a woman walked her dog by the man's house, he yelled at her to "fuck off." When he was put in a patrol car, the man reportedly started yelling at deputies even louder because he said they had left his garage door open. (They closed it.)
The man was booked on suspicion of disorderly conduct.
JAN. 19, 3 P.M.
A bicyclist offered a police aide an extremely small bribe, according to a UA Police Department report.
The police aide found two males in front of the Main Library—one on a skateboard and one on a bicycle—"being belligerent" on the stairs. She said that when she asked them to move, the bicyclist offered to give her $5 if she let him jump his bike on the stairs for five more minutes.
She told him that "wasn't an option" and impounded the bike and skateboard.
The bicyclist later said he'd only been joking about the $5, and that he didn't have the money anyway.
The bicyclist and skateboarder were cited and released.