CAN'T SEE THE INTELLIGENCE FOR THE BRAINS
SOUTH KINNEY ROAD, JUNE 5, 3:30 A.M.
A man who was allegedly stopped by relatives from driving drunk made an interestingly ominous suicide threat upon arrest, according to a Pima County Sheriff's Department report.
Deputies responded to a call about a possible fight and spoke to the cousin of a subject who'd been yelling near Kinney Road.
The man said he'd met the subject at a family reunion, after which the subject had come to his house drunk. He offered to let the intoxicated subject stay the night, but the subject refused and tried to ride home on his motorcycle.
To prevent the subject from killing himself while riding drunk, the cousin said, he and his housemate had to wrestle him off the vehicle and pin him to the ground.
When interviewed, the subject was rolling around in the dirt and said he felt significant pain because "he got jumped" by family members. The subject described being kicked and punched in the face and kicked in the ribs. However, he soon got up and "appeared to be fine," balling his fists as if to fight. He became verbally abusive toward deputies and at one point responded, "Fuck you," when a medic asked him his birth date.
The subject was arrested for disorderly conduct and underage drinking.
En route to jail, he warned deputies that he would shoot himself in the head and that law enforcement would be picking up the pieces "brain by brain."
CURIOSITY SAVED THE CATS
WEST PASEO REFORMA SOUTH, JUNE 8, 10 P.M.
An amazing number of cats were discovered on a property that had been recently vacated by humans, according to a PCSD report.
After a neighbor complained about a terrible smell, the reportee said, she discovered that her house's most recent tenants, a husband and wife, had accumulated dozens of cats. She'd given the couple two weeks to move out, and while the human residents were gone, they'd left their felines—along with a lot of damage.
The reporting deputy had to don a mask to enter the residence, where he encountered at least 50 cats and detected an overwhelming smell of cat urine and feces. The house was completely destroyed, he noted, by the cats and their excretions.
It was unclear from the report whether the cats had been left any food or were able to get outside, but the property owner did leave them water they could drink until animal-control officials arrived.