North Plane Avenue
Sept. 23, 9:01 a.m.
A man wearing pants on his head purposefully unzipped the ones on his bottom half and nearly exposed himself to a school bus full of kids, according to a Pima County Sheriff's Department report.
An officer spoke with the bus monitor, who said that morning on the way to school they were driving through a northwest-side neighborhood when they saw a 20- or 30-something man "with scruff on his face" walking along wearing black pants, a pink-and-white striped shirt, and what looked like another pair of pants wrapped around his head.
She said this guy, who seemed "off," suddenly jumped in front of the bus, unzipped his pants—the ones he wore in the normal fashion—and "pulled out his penis in the middle of the street" to urinate.
She said that while she personally was "offended" by the action, thankfully the six or seven disabled-children passengers on the bus hadn't seen the man's genitals. Just before the vehicle got close enough for them to discern anything, he'd "put his penis back in his pants, zipped up and continued walking on."
She said she'd previously seen this oddly turbaned man in the neighborhood, but the responding officer couldn't find him upon scouring the area in his patrol vehicle. At the time of the report, the urinator was still at large, though police were prepared to apprehend him next time he and/or his penis should pop up.
A Little Less Blood in That Cell
North Campbell Avenue
Sept. 27, 10:29 a.m.
A confused criminal was caught prowling a parking garage wearing hospital scrubs and carrying vials of his own blood, a University of Arizona Police Department report stated.
UA officers responded to a call about a man in scrubs spotted walking around a garage near the UA College of Medicine, 1501 N. Campbell, repeatedly pulling on door handles as one might do to find an unlocked car to plunder. When officers found the man, he gave them a false name.
Upon searching the man, who wore "numerous" hospital bracelets—apparently from University Medical Center—they found a medicine bottle with his real name on it, showing he'd merely given it backwards (last name first). Also in his pockets were three vials of blood, which he said was his own, but though his bandaged arm did appear to recently have had blood drawn from it, UMC had no record of him ever having been admitted, and the vials were unlabeled.
Asked why he was in possession of the blood vials, he said "it was because he walked too much."
The man might've simply been so disoriented he was trying to find his own car in the garage. But since there currently wasn't anything wrong medically, and he had three warrants out for his arrest, the officers had to bring him to jail. They gave the blood to University Medical Center for disposal.