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Police Dispatch 

Un-Tech Yourself Before You Wreck Yourself

Oro Valley

Feb. 7, 10:53 p.m.

Jealousy of a laptop's allure triggered quite the fight for a young cohabiting couple, ultimately causing them to rethink their upcoming nuptials, according to an Oro Valley Police Department report.

At nearly 11 p.m., a police officer was called (apparently by a concerned neighbor) to the home of the male-and-female pair—who were in fact engaged to be married—who'd been arguing quite loudly. He first interviewed the male, who said he and his girlfriend had been dating for about six years but had recently hit a rough patch. He said they'd been arguing nonstop since early that morning, in his words "about how (the woman) was selfish."

He said that "in order to end the argument (he'd gotten) on his laptop computer," at which point the self-obsessed, envious female angrily unplugged the machine and literally tossed it aside to "keep (his) attention on her."

Giving the officer her side of the story, the young woman corroborated that they'd indeed been fighting since that morning—though she simply cited "relationship problems"—and that things had dramatically escalated when her fianceé opened his laptop, which frustrated her. She admitted to "unplugging his pride and joy" and throwing it to the ground "to continue arguing."

But after that, she said, her tech-bewitched boyfriend indulged in his own outburst, grabbing a plastic cup full of water and throwing it toward the bedroom, where it hit the door and spilled on the carpet.

Examining the laptop and water-soaked carpet, the officer determined that neither had sustained permanent damage (since the water, of course, had been thrown away from the computer). He also noted that, in general, everything in the interior of the couple's apartment was "neat and orderly."

Since the conflict hadn't involved physical violence, the officer arrested neither the man nor the woman but warned them that if the cops had to be called again that night, both would go to jail.

Both parties "were verbally educated that this type of behavior was out of line." They agreed to spend the night apart, stating "they were frustrated and would have to rethink where their relationship stands."

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