Police Dispatch

“Positively a Penis”

San Xavier Beat

Nov. 10, 2018, 9:50 a.m.

A scrutinizing older woman was extremely upset upon seeing her next-door neighbor "completely" exposing himself while peeing outside her window, no matter how diminutive his penis was, according to a Pima County Sheriff's Department report.

Speaking with a sheriff's deputy who came to her house, she said she'd been gazing outside her front window to see her neighbor drive up to his trailer next door to her in his blue Chevy Blazer. She said after parking and exiting the vehicle, instead of proceeding to his own front door just a few feet away, he stopped in the yard, "unzipped" and "started urinating in front of his house in his own yard. She said "he then turned around, faced her, and exposed himself completely," at which point she was "clearly able to see his penis, which was 'very small.'" She went on to note she was "positive it was his penis and not just his fingers."

She said this incident made her "very uncomfortable because there were other neighbors and children and grandchildren there in the area." Much of her disturbance seemed to come from the fact that "he was urinating facing her and he did not care."

The reportee's husband confirmed her story, saying his wife had called him to "come and look" out the window at the urinating neighbor, and he'd also been able to see the subject's penis. He didn't comment on its size, although he did provide a man's perspective in opining that the neighbor "was being very careless about urinating" (presumably describing a lack of control over the stream) and that the man was "always drinking or drunk."

When the deputy went to the neighbor's door and knocked, he answered immediately and was very cooperative, inviting the deputy into his carport for an interview. Asked why he thought the cop was there, he answered calmly, "Because I was taking a whiz in front of the trailer."

When the deputy affirmed "that was correct," the subject suddenly became quite defensive, repeatedly saying "he needed to go"—that he'd been carrying groceries, and he either had to go right then and there "or he would have wet his pants."

After finally trailing off, he said he didn't want to talk anymore and puzzlingly said the deputy "should not believe his neighbors." (Since he'd already admitted to publicly urinating—the action they'd accused him of—we can only speculate that he was referring to the woman's description of his genitals.)

The neighbor was cited and released for indecent exposure.

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