Police Dispatch 

House A-Twinkling, Strange Man A-Tinkling

East First Street

Nov. 25, 1:25 p.m.

A drunk man adorned himself with a holiday decoration stolen from a University of Arizona sorority house before peeing nearby (without bothering to conceal his genitals), according to a UA Police Department report.

A UA student called the UAPD to say he'd witnessed the man, who looked intoxicated, walk by the Sigma Kappa Sorority house, 1588 E. First St., and steal a holiday bow from among other decorations in the front yard. He said the man had "attached the bow to himself and continued to wear it as he stumbled around the area," walking into a little park on the west side of the house and urinating there.

The caller said he had seen the man's penis but didn't want to participate in proceedings against him.

A UA officer patrolling the neighborhood soon found the subject sitting on a wall of the Main Library, 1510 E. University Blvd. It was obviously the same man, since besides wearing a hat covered with gold sequins (which the reportee had described), he was even more ostentatiously accessorized with a large "red X-mas holiday ribbon/bow around his neck."

The ribbon-bedecked subject cooperatively provided his name and openly admitted to urinating next to the sorority—though he adamantly claimed he hadn't stolen the ribbon, saying he'd gotten it from a frat party a couple days prior.

Since he didn't have any warrants out for his arrest and the reportee had declined to press charges, officers let him go after serving him with an exclusionary order banning him from UA property for six months.

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